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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326762">the stars of our souls</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxysmiles/pseuds/boxysmiles'>boxysmiles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Canon Compliant Injuries, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, One-Sided Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Slow Burn, canon divergent for the soulmate part though, love in the form of food and changing wallpapers, love in the form of stars as soulmarks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:41:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>77,606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxysmiles/pseuds/boxysmiles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Souls express their love in the form of stars. They glow on one's chest, above their heart, signifying their love for another person. </p><p>Despite previous heartbreak, depsite knowing falling in love will only cause ruin and pain for him, it seems that Lee Donghyuck's soul is absolutely terrible at self-preservation. </p><p>Donghyuck has three stars on his chest. Regardless of everything, he has still fallen in love with three of his members — and he will do anything to keep it a secret.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>381</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I swear to god, this was only meant to hit 40k. Now it's a monster at 75k, all completely written, but I'm splitting it into chapters. The next one will be up in a few days! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donghyuck’s mother once called him a galaxy.</p><p>To be fair, it’s mostly because he demanded to be called as such.</p><p>It’s all because of his youngest brother. From birth, his brother already had two stars over his heart — another three soon joining them. Donghyuck, who’s only ever seen his parents' soulmarks, who doesn’t have any of his own just yet, is incredibly jealous.</p><p>“Why does he get all the pretty stars?” Donghyuck pouts, sitting at his mother’s feet. She has her youngest child balanced on her lap, while his dad is playfully wrestling with his twin sister and other younger brother.</p><p>His sister doesn’t share the same concerns. When he tried to bring up this same topic, she just rolled her eyes at him and called him silly, so now he’s a little offended. But now he’s worried he’s missing some important information, and he can’t have his sister knowing more than him.</p><p>His mother smiles down at him, running a hand through his hair. “Ah, my dearest. It’s all about love.”</p><p>Donghyuck, young and annoyed he doesn’t understand everything about the world, frowns. His parents have told them this before, but Donghyuck doesn’t get it and he’s frustrated.</p><p>“Well I love you and dad. You love each other. So why is <em>he</em> different?” He asks, pointing accusingly at his youngest sibling.</p><p>“Well, you know that your dad and I only have each other on our chests, right? And we love you kids so, so much, and you’re in our hearts too. But it’s a different type of mark,” his mother explains, patting her chest. “One you can’t see.”</p><p>“Why can’t you see it?”</p><p>His mother tilts her head, smiling patiently. “Well, you’re our children. But your dad and I are in <em>love — </em>in the way we got married, and always hold hands and kiss each other.”</p><p>“But <em>I </em>hold your hand. And I give kisses,” he argues, because it doesn’t make sense. His mother laughs, a beautiful, bright sound, even though he’s upset she’s laughing at him.</p><p>“You do. You give the best kisses,” she praises, and Donghyuck lights up with pride. “But we’re not married, are we? One day you’ll find someone, someone pretty and nice to you, and you’ll want to hold their hand and love them and — if you want to, you can marry them too.”</p><p>Donghyuck considers the words. He’s only just past the point of asking <em>why can’t I marry you, then? </em>Because he’s older now and he understands more about the world, obviously. He understands that marriage is for older people who want to wear nice rings.</p><p>Donghyuck’s mouth twists, thinking back to his original point. “Okay, but why can we see his stars?”</p><p>His mother’s hands soothe over her youngest child’s sides. “It’s a different type of love, one that the universe thinks is more important to his soul. Your dad and I love each other, and that’s romantic love — and we think your soulmarks will be the same.” She hums, considering. Some of the words are flying right over Donghyuck’s head, but he’s doing his best.</p><p>She continues to explain, a soft smile on her lips. “But for your brother, it’s not about that romantic love. It’s about platonic love. Love for family, or for friends. It’s not about marriage, or being <em>in love. </em>It’s just love. You understand his stars are all of us, don’t you?”</p><p>Donghyuck nods. He remembers that this part, at least, has been explained to him. When Donghyuck touches his youngest brother, his small chubby fingers always reach up to touch a specific star. His brother always touches a specific one for every family member.</p><p>“But why does he get to have <em>that </em>love shown? Why does he have so many? I want to have that many,” Donghyuck pouts, upset. He thinks his parents’ have gorgeous stars, but seeing the constellation on his brother makes him envious.</p><p>His mother laughs at him again, soothing his worries with a hand stroking through his hair. “Your little brother will look like the night sky, because that’s just how his soul shows his love, but that does not make your galaxy any less special.”</p><p>He frowns. “Galaxy?”</p><p>“That's what’s up in the night sky. That’s what we call the place with all the stars and the moon, and all the other planets too. A galaxy. You will have your own special galaxy, which has all the stars your soul loves. You will be a galaxy, my baby.”</p><p>Donghyuck likes the sound of that.</p><p>Even if his youngest brother is the best representation of one, as stars continue to grow in his skin, all over his chest as he grows older. Still, Donghyuck’s nickname continues — his parents’ little <em>galaxy</em>.</p><p>She explains it a little more as he gets older.</p><p>Donghyuck might not see it on his chest, his soul not showing it in the same way, but she told him a single star is barely a representation of his love. A planet seems too small. Even a solar system unable to contain it.</p><p>But a galaxy — now that, she said, <em>that </em>would be equivalent to showing all the love he has given, has yet to give, and have a chance of holding all the endless love he will ever receive. <em>That’s </em>the place on his chest, even if it seems sparse.</p><p>It’s just difficult to picture when Donghyuck sees his brother, stars lighting up his entire chest. Donghyuck, who had <em>none </em>for so long, could never understand how his own empty chest could ever represent an entire galaxy.</p><p>It’s not he’d ever doubt his own mother, because there’s little she doesn’t seem to know, but he realises it now.</p><p>He’s finally starting to understand what she really meant, all those years ago.</p><p>A <em>galaxy</em>.</p><p>She said it before Donghyuck’s soulmarks ever formed, his first just over ten years later.</p><p>And, well, his soulmarks are currently three stars. Not even close to a real galaxy. But Donghyuck looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and thinks there’s something about them that seems otherworldly, so <em>infinite</em>.</p><p>The three stars that sit on his chest, drawn over his heart, seem all too large, all too daunting. He gets it now.</p><p>It doesn’t matter how many stars Donghyuck has on his chest. It’s his <em>own </em>galaxy, and this one feels overwhelming. Engulfing. Unable to be contained in his one body.</p><p>All this love, displayed over his heart for any to see who he dared let to see, and all for three other people.</p><p>They say every star in the sky represents a connection, every soulmark ever left on someone. Billions and billions over time — some that withstand lifetimes, bright and powerful and forever connected. Some, reflecting the marks on people’s chests, fade away and die as the love is lost.</p><p>Scientifically, Donghyuck isn’t sure if he’s too convinced. But soulmarks, despite all the attempts of research, can hardly be explained. It doesn’t matter what Donghyuck thinks in the end, because the end result is the same. He still has three soulmarks on his chest.</p><p>Donghyuck has learned a little more about all the types of love a soul can show over the years. Romantic, platonic, and all the ways in between.</p><p>Others, very rarely, have the love they’re <em>given. </em>For an idol, that can be the hardest one to deal with. Millions of stars, spreading out from their chest. Unable to be contained just above the heart, and visible on all parts of their body, and the effort to cover it is exhausting.</p><p>He’s learned that sometimes those with romantic soulmarks have more than one. A lover that died too soon, a love that never faded with them. Eternal one-sided unrequited love. Some with their first love, or any previous love, that never truly left — but not as bright as their current love.</p><p>Rarely does it ever seem to be what Donghyuck’s going through. To be in love with three at <em>once </em>for so long<em>. </em></p><p>All three of them are still shining, glowing, no more or less than the others.</p><p>The marks catch the bathroom light as he inspects them, a silver glow softly radiating from them.</p><p>They’re breathtaking. They’re darker without any form of light, but under the bathroom light they radiate and turn a tint of silver. Like they’re a form of printed gloss on his chest. Not as bright as the night sky, as a real galaxy, but enough to be so easily visible.</p><p>In the sunlight, the stars radiate a golden shine, but Donghyuck rarely ever gets to see it. Only when he’s back home with his family, when he doesn’t need to worry about his member’s eyes, doesn’t need to worry about the fans or the public catching sight of the marks.</p><p>It’s been a while since he’s been home. Longer since he’s had the courage to take off his shirt and let the marks see the daylight. The last time he did was back when he was on hiatus with his injury at home.</p><p>It’s just that three feels a little overwhelming. A little too much to want to admit. The fact that none of them have faded at all is just a painful reminder that he’s in over his head, loves three that won’t love him back — that no matter what, at the end of this, he’ll be the one heartbroken.</p><p>This is one of the rare times he takes to properly study the three stars. Johnny was asleep by the time Donghyuck returned from practice, so Donghyuck takes the quiet hours of solitude while he has them.</p><p>Usually he can ignore the marks. Just get a fleeting glance before he turns away from the mirror, throwing on a shirt as soon as he can after showering. Can brush aside the reminder that he loves three people.</p><p>It’s normal, now. He’s been in love for years. It’s becoming a familiar ache, and Donghyuck would rather spare himself the pain of lingering on it.</p><p>But today was hard.</p><p>Today was a reminder of just — too much. Too many reasons why he loves them, why his heart still manages to speed up around them, why his stomach swoops and his cheeks flush.</p><p>Just too many reminders he’s so in love, and it’s not getting any easier.</p><p>His fingers come up to trace the constellation he can make with the stars, a faint line that connects the three of them together.</p><p>All his nights of research about his marks have finally led him to a useful, obscure blog not too long ago. One that explains that the connecting lines become stronger as the love starts to intertwine, the longer he spends in love with all three of them.</p><p>Circling each star, he finds himself mouthing their names. He doesn’t dare say them aloud, not even the barest hint of a whisper — not with Johnny so close, even if he’s asleep.</p><p>“<em>Jeno</em>,” he mouths the name, his finger tracing the star that sits in the middle of the three. He then circles around to the other two, the tug of a sad, melancholic smile on his lips. “<em>Renjun. Jaemin.”</em></p><p>Acknowledging their names seems to snap him out of his daze, reminding himself not to get lost in a fantasy. They’re nothing more than something personal for Donghyuck alone, to keep secret and locked away forever. His own personal shame, his own guilt.</p><p>What an idiot he is, he thinks. What an idiot to fall in love with three of his members.</p><p>He harshly tugs his shirt on, the marks fading from sight, the glow no longer reflecting in the mirror.</p><p>What good is a galaxy, anyway, when it can’t be appreciated? When he doesn’t <em>want </em>to hold these stars — and he’s not ashamed of loving them, never could be, but he’s ashamed in the way that he knows he <em>shouldn’t. </em></p><p>The three of them never asked to have their stars on Donghyuck’s skin, to have any of them carry the weight of that, and Donghyuck won’t burden them with it.</p><p>He’s ashamed because if they see it, if they understand, it will bring nothing but guilt upon their relationships because they won’t feel the same — and Donghyuck will <em>ruin </em>them, because it’s already been hard enough to love one. To love another three is nothing but destruction for all of them.</p><p>Donghyuck is a galaxy, but he will destroy everything if he lets people know that. So he tugs the bottom of his shirt down, climbs into bed, and refuses to think about how ethereal the marks looked when glowing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Renjun is not the first one he loves. Neither is Jaemin.</p><p>Jeno isn’t, either.</p><p>The first star on Donghyuck’s chest is Mark.</p><p>It’s since faded, the romantic feelings fading away entirely — they were both young back then, and Donghyuck didn’t try and stop himself from falling.</p><p>Mark is <em>fun. </em>Mark is gorgeous and sometimes kind of funny and kind-hearted, and they spend all too much time together when they first join as trainees. Donghyuck, a teenager who misses his home and his parents and his siblings, is apparently desperate to latch onto <em>someone.</em></p><p>Mark is fun to tease especially. To rile him up, and Donghyuck is vindicated in the way he gets to see the perfect Mark Lee unravel. To see him finally learn what it is to be angry, to be frustrated, impatient — and to see the way Donghyuck can <em>push </em>boundaries like no one else can when it comes to him.</p><p>Donghyuck’s good at getting under people’s skin. He learned a lot from his own siblings, after all.</p><p>Donghyuck is someone that refuses to be ignored as well. He will take up all the space in the room because he can, because people like his bright energy and his mischief and quick wit, and he will thrive on it.</p><p>Mark learns to adapt to that. Donghyuck learns to be a little more considerate. They push and pull at each other, and they rely on each other for a lot.</p><p>The actual star appears one night, a slight tingling tracing over his chest while he’s in the practice room.</p><p>There’s rumours about a new group, and Donghyuck already knows Mark will be in consideration for it. Donghyuck’s hopeful that the company will stick to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse group, because he loves all of them, but he’s a little worried about Mark now — he’s being pulled aside with some of the older trainees a fair amount, and Donghyuck’s a little stressed about it all.</p><p>Not that’d he’d admit that, of course. Donghyuck <em>knows </em>he’ll debut soon enough. Not just <em>anyone </em>passes the Saturday auditions, and certainly not then given their own personal name by Lee Sooman himself.</p><p>Still, he’s a little stressed about Mark debuting with another group before him. It wouldn’t feel right after everything, to be split up <em>now </em>after spending so long training together.</p><p>“You’re not meant to be here,” Donghyuck points out in greeting, because he’s a little startled at Mark’s appearance in the practice room. Donghyuck’s been sharing the room with Jaemin, Jisung and Jeno, but the three left a little earlier for food.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I was around, told the others to head back so they’re not waiting. I figure you’ll be here a while,” Mark replies, easy as anything.</p><p>Mark goes to pass him a drink. A fruit smoothie type of concoction, and there’s a sheepish smile on his face as Donghyuck reaches out for it. “Sorry, no caffeine, but this should give you a bit of energy.”</p><p>That’s when the tingling starts over his heart, and Donghyuck barely grasps the drink before he almost drops it with surprise. Mark manages to save it, frowning at him.</p><p>“You good?” Mark asks, and Donghyuck tightens his hold on the drink.</p><p>The feeling has already passed. Just a slight tingling, almost on the side of burning, right over his heart. It’s not painful, but it’s certainly surprising.</p><p>“Yeah,” he forces himself to say, “yeah, of course. Thanks for this, Markie-hyung.”</p><p>Mark rolls his eyes at the fake saccharine dripping in Donghyuck’s tone. Their hands brush for a moment as they both readjust with the cup, and Donghyuck feels his chest warm up.</p><p>It’s strange, but Donghyuck forgets about it quickly. Mark stays with him as Donghyuck practices, joining in for some of it, and they head back to the dorms together. The warm feeling is still sitting in Donghyuck’s chest, but he doesn’t pay it too much attention.</p><p>When he gets back to the dorms, he strips down to go for a shower without even thinking about it. His eyes catch the mirror at the last second, and he almost yells with surprise.</p><p>A <em>star. </em>Right there on his chest, above his heart. Looks almost tattooed on, but the ink of it doesn’t look quite real, looks too fresh and shiny. Familiar to the ones he’s seen on his family.</p><p>It takes him a moment to realise, and then he drops his shirt in shock.</p><p>His first soulmark.</p><p>He immediately knows who this star represents, which is — <em>fuck. </em>Alright. Donghyuck suspected he isn’t entirely straight, but there’s no one else this star could be for, and now Donghyuck is suddenly faced with the very real evidence that he likes a guy.</p><p>Likes <em>Mark. </em></p><p>He <em>knows </em>this isn’t the first time a trainee’s ever liked another — or in Donghyuck’s case, <em>falling in goddamn love. </em>He knows it was a gradual, slow thing. Growing without even realising to get to this point. So natural and easy, as being around Mark always is, that he didn’t even realise it.</p><p>Not until Mark’s star is shining right back at him, and the realisation is imprinted in his skin.</p><p>It’s not like some of them don’t date in secret, but Donghyuck’s seen dating scandals ruin trainees before. Quietly encouraged to leave for another company, their lineup changed around, a mystery around their sudden disappearance.</p><p>And Mark Lee is a lot of things, but <em>no one, </em>not even him, is currently worth Donghyuck’s dream. He wants to debut with SM, and knows he’s so close now. <em>Mark’s </em>too close, and Donghyuck won’t risk either of their chances.</p><p>Besides, he has to admit, it’s unlikely Mark will ever like him back. And if it were to happen — dating, when both of them are on the brink of debut, would be <em>messy. </em>They’re young, and they’re still prone to say stupid shit to each other, and Donghyuck isn’t going to risk messing with any group dynamic because of it.</p><p>So Mark Lee’s star sits on Donghyuck’s chest. It stays there through the time they learn about the concept of NCT. Through Renjun and Chenle arriving, both immediately pushed to train with them, and Donghyuck has a good feeling they’ll debut together too.</p><p>Stays on his chest as Mark debuts first. Then again — this time with Donghyuck and 127. Then they both debut once more with Dream: with Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung, just like Donghyuck always hoped for.</p><p>It’s easier to be silent about it. To keep his love for Mark a secret. Everything stays the same, because Donghyuck risks nothing. Doesn’t risk his career, his group, or his love to ever let the star engulf him.</p><p>It’s not worth the risk, and so Mark’s star silently sits as Donghyuck’s first ever love.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It’s clear that Jaemin’s back has been hurting lately.</p><p>None of them are the type to ask for breaks, determined to work hard and push through, but Jaemin’s body forces him to sit on the side with increasing frequency.</p><p>They all know about the old injury. It flared up sometimes as a trainee, but it’s never been this bad before.</p><p>It doesn’t get any better. Despite Jaemin’s constant treatments, his consistent stretching and delicate care of his back, it continues to deteriorate.</p><p>There’s a night where Jaemin’s got his head resting on Donghyuck’s lap, both of them watching some kind of drama in their dorm. Donghyuck’s got a hand resting on Jaemin’s back, slowly and carefully massaging into it where he can feel the tension.</p><p>Jaemin’s been so quiet Donghyuck thinks he’s asleep, or close to it, but suddenly Jaemin takes a breath and starts to quietly talk.</p><p>“It’s getting worse.”</p><p>The admission has Donghyuck’s stomach sinking. Jaemin doesn’t like talking about his injury, doesn’t like admitting how much he’s struggling with it. So for him to talk about it, the most open he’s ever been, means Donghyuck is suddenly overcome with dread.</p><p>“Then we’ll look after you,” Donghyuck resolutely says after a moment. They look out for each other, because that’s what they <em>do. </em>They’ve worked hard to get here, and Donghyuck won’t entertain the thought of one of them not being with them.</p><p>Jaemin turns his head up to look at Donghyuck. “They’re talking about extended therapy and treatments for it. A rest so I can recover and heal properly.”</p><p>“A rest?” Donghyuck asks, fingers stilling on Jaemin’s back. “How long?”</p><p>Jaemin turns again to face the screen. Donghyuck’s stomach hasn’t settled.</p><p>“Months. At the least,” Jaemin admits, and Donghyuck bites his bottom lip to stop his immediate protest.</p><p>He can’t imagine doing their first comeback without Jaemin beside them. He doesn’t <em>want </em>to.</p><p>But Jaemin’s injury isn’t getting better, and Donghyuck knows it.</p><p>Jaemin continues speaking. “Any more extreme stress might just push it to a point I can’t recover from. They’re saying it’s better to take time now to treat it, to go on a temporary hiatus. Better than being forced to ‘quietly leave’ the group when it becomes unmanageable in a couple years.”</p><p>The thought of it is unimaginable. Jaemin leaving only a couple years in, a few at best, unable to perform with them any longer. Donghyuck resumes his massaging, tumbling over thoughts in his mind until he finally settles on one.</p><p>“Then we’ll wait for you. You can rest and recover so that you can come back healed properly, and we’ll continue for a long time together, okay? You just have to promise you’ll heal and come back to us when you’re ready.”</p><p>Jaemin presses his face into Donghyuck’s thigh, taking a shuddery breath that Donghyuck pretends he doesn’t hear.</p><p>“I promise.” Jaemin’s voice is surprisingly steady as he says it, but it shows his conviction, his belief in the promise, in Donghyuck’s words.</p><p>Jaemin’s hand reaches back to rest over Donghyuck’s for a moment. It’s a shared moment where they’re both terrified — scared about the next comeback, worried one of them won’t be there, how <em>long </em>they won’t be there for.</p><p>Jaemin squeezes for just a second, and it’s a reminder. That he’ll do his best to get better and come back to them.</p><p>A week later, Jaemin announces he’s going on hiatus.</p><p>All Donghyuck can do is hope he keeps his promise.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>At some point, it becomes unspoken with Mark.</p><p>They both know Donghyuck is in love with him.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t know when Mark figures it out. Maybe he always knew. Maybe he knew before the actual star ever appeared on Donghyuck’s chest.</p><p>It’s clear that they’re both aware of it, but neither will talk about it, and it becomes a quiet agreement. Donghyuck will not bring it up, because he knows Mark does not love him back like that. Mark will not bring it up for the same reason — and they both know there’s no changing Donghyuck’s feelings despite it.</p><p>It’s not brought up. It’s just how it is. Donghyuck is in love with Mark, and Mark is not in love with him, and that’s how it is. That’s how they both know it is, and they both say nothing about it.</p><p>Almost two years of this.</p><p>And then, as things tend to do, it all goes to shit.</p><p>There’s too much tension between them. Lingering arguments they won’t drop, because Donghyuck is petty but Mark is unforgiving at the worst of times.</p><p>And lately it’s <em>always </em>the worst of times between them.</p><p>Forced to train with almost two comebacks on top of each other, sharing a room and unable to escape each other, means that fighting becomes common. Tension is constantly high between them, only getting worse, and something is bound to give.</p><p>Turns out, it’s Mark that breaks their unspoken agreement.</p><p>Admittedly, looking back now, the night is a blur. Where they had 127 practice but Dream schedules the next day, and neither of them can stand each other any longer, bristling as they shared the same room.</p><p>The fight starts with petty arguments, bitter and snarky words. It usually stays that way.</p><p>Except Mark escalates it. Donghyuck knows he pushes him to it, that they’re both at fault for getting to a point they never should have.</p><p>“Fucking christ, Donghyuck!” Mark snaps, but Donghyuck is never one to back down, glaring at him from his bed. “Can you <em>stop? </em>I know you’re in love with me, but <em>fuck! </em>If this is how you show it, then good fucking luck getting anyone to ever love you back.”</p><p>Donghyuck goes cold. Mark yells it loud enough for at least the couple of rooms beside them to hear it, and Donghyuck feels his heart speed up with panic he barely contains.</p><p>It’s easy to push down the panic with anger, and so Donghyuck does. He bolts up from the bed, steps up in Mark’s space to push at his shoulders in a physical retaliation. Mark’s eyes are wide — and if Donghyuck was any less blindsided, he’d care about the way Mark’s clearly regretting his words, knowing he’s gone over the line.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t care. Not right now. Not when the others have heard Mark, when Mark has just thrown this back in his face.</p><p>And isn’t it so natural? That the person Donghyuck loves knows how to hurt him best.</p><p>Donghyuck lashes out, but he can’t think enough to strike back Mark where it properly hurts him too. He pushes at Mark’s shoulders again aggressively, his emotions a mess, just trying to physically expel them.</p><p>“You’re such a fucking <em>asshole</em>, Mark Lee!” Donghyuck yells right back. “You— fuck off. Just — that’s bullshit. That’s <em>bullshit, </em>you do <em>not </em>get to use that against me. I can’t control my own fucking feelings about you, and I thought you <em>knew </em>that, so why the <em>fuck </em>are you bringing it up now?”</p><p>Mark pushes right back, because both of them are so heated now that they’re not going to back down, even if they’re in the wrong.</p><p>There’s something here that’s broken, Donghyuck thinks. Something they’ve crossed that they shouldn’t have, and there’s no recovering from this now. Not tonight.</p><p>“Because you’re acting like <em>this!” </em>Mark refutes. Isn’t it funny, Donghyuck thinks — that he used to think it was funny to watch Mark get angry?</p><p>Maybe it’s finally his reckoning for all those times. Maybe Donghyuck deserves this for pushing so far.</p><p>Still, he argues. “You do not get to bring up my feelings for you to win a fight. I know you don’t love me back, but I can’t <em>help </em>it! And you do not get to say I will never be loved back by anyone— that’s just... Fuck you, Mark Lee. Get out of my fucking face. God, I fucking <em>hate </em>you<em>.”</em></p><p>Mark shoves back, and Donghyuck’s blinded by anger. Before he can shove in return, there’s suddenly hands pulling them apart. Scolding both of them with authority as they separate the two of them.</p><p>“<em>That is enough! Both of you!”</em></p><p>It’s not the first time they’ve been scolded. Not even their first fight broken up mid-argument this past month, which usually ends up with sulky and moody silences at each other for the rest of the night.</p><p>It <em>is</em> the first time hands pull Donghyuck completely out of the room, pulling him away from the fight entirely. He’s so angry that his vision is tunnelled with the sight of Mark, wanting to fight so badly, to have Mark understand just how much hurt he’s caused. To hurt him <em>back.</em></p><p>The door shuts firmly, effectively breaking their vision of each other. Donghyuck’s tugging at whoever’s holding down his arms, stopping him from marching right back in.</p><p>“Sit <em>down, </em>Donghyuck-ah. That’s <em>enough.” </em>The voice commands, and he vaguely recognises that it’s Taeyong. Maybe it’s the instilled reaction in their group to the warning tone that has Donghyuck finally listening, letting the hands tug him down onto their couch.</p><p>Johnny’s the one who’s got Donghyuck’s arms in his grip. He’s not holding tightly — just securely, just enough that Donghyuck doesn’t get away. When Donghyuck sinks into the couch, the hold immediately eases up.</p><p>His fingers clench at the corner of the couch, anger coursing through him. Taeyong’s crouched before him, Johnny sitting beside him, and he won’t look at either of them.</p><p>He remembers seeing Jaehyun in their room, pulling Mark back. Doyoung slipped in at some point between them, and has stayed in that room with Mark.</p><p>Donghyuck, faintly, is angry that Mark gets Doyoung and Jaehyun with him.</p><p>It’s not like Donghyuck is too intimidated by the two flanking him, but when Taeyong steps in usually there’s a wicked scolding for Donghyuck, who usually says the nastier things out of the two. Which isn’t <em>fair, </em>because this time Donghyuck thinks Mark’s certainly the one more out of line.</p><p>And Johnny is fine, maybe a little unsure with him at times. Lingering from trainee days, where neither of them really ever knew how to interact. They’re getting closer, but it feels a little awkward to have him have to bodily remove Donghyuck from a fight.</p><p>Winwin, Yuta and Taeil are lingering outside of their rooms, Donghyuck catching sight of them in the hall. They go back in once they realise the others seem to have a handle on it, giving Donghyuck worried but reassuring looks. Their manager is lingering, unsure of if he should intervene.</p><p>Donghyuck’s really starting to realise how bad this fight is. Their fighting certainly isn’t uncommon lately, settling to a point where most of them seem to be used to their arguments — certainly annoyed, but just waiting for it to blow over for the night.</p><p>For all of them to be intervening, or ready to, means they all suspect this fight does not bode well. Donghyuck’s fingers clench tighter at the couch beneath him, the rush of wanting to fight slowly fading.</p><p>A hand reaches up, brushing against his cheek, and that’s when Donghyuck realises his eyes have been tearing up. He looks to see it’s Taeyong, who’s looking at him with a thoughtful expression.</p><p>Donghyuck feels exhausted, suddenly. The desire to fight has completely drained, and now all he feels is guilt for the situation.</p><p>“Sorry,” Donghyuck rasps out, because he knows they’re all tired. That they don’t need to deal with the stresses of this on top of everything. “I’m sorry we’re fighting.”</p><p>Taeyong shakes his head, hand patting his cheek before dropping. “We all fight, Haechannie. It comes with living and working together.”</p><p>“Not like this,” Donghyuck mutters, and Taeyong lets out a dry scoff. It’s much nicer than the usual treatment he gets after a fight, but he figures he probably looks incredibly pitiful, just one more harsh word from falling apart.</p><p>“Please, Doyoung and I go at each other all the time. I’ve fought with every person on this floor at least <em>once,</em>” Taeyong tells him, hands coming up to cover Donghyuck’s. “Fights happen, it’s normal.”</p><p>“For this long?” Donghyuck presses, because he knows it’s never been this bad before, and Taeyong looks thoughtful before he shrugs, not willing to confirm it.</p><p>“We usually have time to breathe, or give each other space, and talk it out the next day usually. You two haven’t had the chance, and I think space is what both of you desperately need now. I don’t think forcing you two to talk is going to help anyone.”</p><p>It sounds like an offer, and Donghyuck desperately nods his head, eager to agree. Even if Mark comes out and apologises today, tomorrow — within the <em>week, </em>Donghyuck knows he will not be able to respond well to it.</p><p>“Okay. We’ll sort something out for tonight.” He glances back at the manager, and they seem to have a silent conversation before Taeyong looks back. “Johnny-ah, do you mind taking Haechannie out? I can shout ice-cream for you.”</p><p>Johnny shakes his head. “It’s okay, I got it. Just worry about sorting it out here.”</p><p>Donghyuck’s hands come up to clench at Johnny’s shirt, suddenly panicking a little. He wasn’t expecting to leave the dorm, and he’s got his pyjamas on, entirely unprepared to go outside.</p><p>“Come on, you can find something to wear in our room,” Johnny answers, thankfully figuring out why Donghyuck is suddenly panicked. “We won’t be out long anyway.”</p><p>Johnny leads Donghyuck into his and Taeyong’s bedroom while Taeyong goes to speak to their manager. Johnny throws him one of his own hoodies, and one pair of Taeyong’s sweatpants, which is significantly better than Donghyuck’s pyjama shorts and loose shirt.</p><p>He’s quick to usher Donghyuck out of the dorms, the atmosphere growing heavier the longer they linger in it. Donghyuck hears Doyoung’s sharp tone as he passes the door, and resolutely turns his attention to Johnny.</p><p>There’s a convenience mart they frequent close to the dorms, and Johnny takes him there. Has Donghyuck pick out his ice-cream, pays for both of theirs, and they sit inside. It’s late, a couple of people still in the mart, but this isn’t the hour for people to be perceived.</p><p>Donghyuck’s aggressive as he eats his ice-cream, frustrated at the entire night and taking comfort in the treat. Johnny’s on his phone, probably messaging someone back at the dorms, so it’s quiet between them for a while.</p><p>Johnny breaks their silence first.</p><p>“You’ll be in your room with Jaehyun tonight. Mark’s with Doyoung,” he explains, putting his phone away.</p><p>He feels bad for displacing the two, but it’s probably for the best of everyone at this rate. He nods, knowing he’ll apologise later, pushing down the guilt festering inside of him.</p><p>“Taeyong’s not lying, by the way. We fight a lot, even if it’s… quieter than you two. We’ve all said things we regret,” Johnny continues to say, and Donghyuck tilts his head to show he’s listening as he strategically slows down with his ice-cream.</p><p>“And you’re right. Mark had no right saying what he did to you. It was uncalled for, and he shouldn’t have ever used something like that against you.” The words are a confirmation to Donghyuck that they heard everything, that they <em>know </em>Donghyuck’s in love with Mark.</p><p>Donghyuck takes a moment to consider the words. The night feels so long, the fight properly fading from his bones, and he sinks into his seat.</p><p>“Yeah. He shouldn’t have,” Donghyuck agrees, then falters. He takes a moment to consider his thoughts, then speaks. “But I’ve grown up with siblings, and I know what it’s like to just lash out and make the other hurt because you’re tired of them. I know he doesn’t mean it.”</p><p>The words are a surprise to himself — he didn’t realise how true they are until he says them aloud. He <em>knows </em>Mark never meant what he said, doesn’t believe it himself, even if the words strike some deep, awful fear and insecurities of Donghyuck’s own making.</p><p>Mark knows how to make him hurt, so that’s what he did. Even if he didn’t believe in the truth of it.</p><p>“That doesn’t make it okay,” Johnny replies, and Donghyuck sighs, putting down the rubbish of his ice-cream onto the table.</p><p>He feels tears building again, and he presses his sweater-pawed covered hands to his eyes to stop it. Johnny gives him the time to recover patiently, just calmly drumming his fingers on the table in a way that soothes Donghyuck.</p><p>“If it makes you feel any better,” Johnny says quietly, voice a bit lighter, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jaehyun so pissed. I don’t think Taeyong’s even going to get the <em>chance </em>to get to Mark tonight to scold him for this.”</p><p>Donghyuck’s heart aches just a little. Maybe it’s because after almost two years of keeping this secret, of having it unspoken between himself and Mark. To suddenly have it all explode tonight has frayed so many nerves, making him feel exposed and raw.</p><p>“I’m the one that kept pushing him though,” Donghyuck says, and Johnny’s mouth twists, fingers pausing.</p><p>“Honestly, both of you have been pushing at each other. Hell, both of you together has been testing <em>our </em>patience. And yet regardless, Mark still shouldn’t have said that.”</p><p>Donghyuck huffs, fingers pulling apart the wrapping of the ice-cream. Johnny resumes the tapping on the table. “You said you know Mark doesn’t mean it, but I want to make sure <em>you </em>know this. That you shouldn’t ever apologise for who you love, and that someone will love you for <em>you, </em>so don’t change yourself to try. You’re <em>loved, </em>Donghyuck-ah. So, so loved.”</p><p>Donghyuck thinks of his little brother, suddenly. Of his star sitting on his brother’s chest, shining brightly with his family. The kind of love that’s rarer to see on skin, and Donghyuck treasures it.</p><p>But he thinks of the rest of his family, too. Of his friends. He’s not loved any less just because he can’t see it.</p><p>“I swear to god, hyung, if you make me cry again in this goddamn mart I will <em>pulverise </em>you,” Donghyuck whines, palms pressing to his cheeks, trying to convince himself <em>n</em>ot to cry <em>again. </em>He’s swung so wildly tonight from emotion to emotion, and he’s ready to just call it quits on today.</p><p>“Mhm,” Johnny hums, amused. Donghyuck knows Johnny is just biting on the reply of <em>I’d like to see you try and reach me you little shit.</em></p><p>Instead, Johnny just glances at his phone and sighs, standing up. “Come on, you have schedules tomorrow with Dream, don’t you?”</p><p>“Just practice,” Donghyuck replies, shrugging it off as he stands up as well. It won’t be too tiring — and the two will probably avoid each other the whole time, using the rest of the members as a buffer between them.</p><p>It won’t be the first time they’ve dealt with high tensions between them, but it’s a first for Donghyuck to feel so angry. Now that it’s gone without Mark in front of him, all that remains is just bitter, awful disappointment.</p><p>Dream will know something’s up, but Donghyuck’s secret has already been found out by too many tonight, and the thought of more is just too tiring to consider. They can speculate, but Donghyuck won’t be the one to reveal it.</p><p>They head back to the dorms, Donghyuck pulling the hood over his hair. He enjoys the red dye, but right now he's feeling a little too visible, too vulnerable, and he sticks close to Johnny as they walk back.</p><p>Their manager greets them at the door, and Donghyuck feels guilty for the tired lines he can see on his face.</p><p>The manager waves him off before Donghyuck can even apologise, already explaining the situation to him. "You're with Jaehyun tonight in your room, if Johnny didn't tell you already. For now it's a permanent switch, and we'll see how we go. Get some rest, Haechan-ah."</p><p>Donghyuck, tired to the bones and wanting to escape the heavy lingering atmosphere, complies easily. Johnny ruffles his hair and gives him an encouraging thumbs up as Donghyuck carefully opens his door, just in case Jaehyun is asleep.</p><p>It's strange. Most of Mark's stuff is still in their room, but Jaehyun's phone and phone charger are plugged in. Jaehyun's got his own pillow in his lap as he’s sitting up, obviously waiting for Donghyuck.</p><p>"Hello roommate," Donghyuck quietly greets, all the while belatedly realising he's accidentally left Johnny and Taeyong's clothes on. But they're comfortable, so Donghyuck is going to stay in them tonight, because <em>damnit </em>he's had a hell of a night and deserves the comfort.</p><p>"Hey Haechannie," Jaehyun greets, a warm smile on his face. "How was the ice-cream?"</p><p>It's weird, to put it lightly. Everything just feels weird, but Donghyuck's determined not to think about Mark right now, so he plays along. "Johnny-hyung bought it, so of course it was excellent."</p><p>He climbs into bed, and Jaehyun is quiet beside him as they both settle to sleep. Donghyuck has to be up earlier, and he tepidly sets the alarm a little later than normal. Less time where he might run into Mark.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Jaehyun whispers, the use of his full name making him alert. He waits for Jaehyun to speak, who takes his cue. "I love you."</p><p>Donghyuck's cheeks warm, and he waves an embarrassed hand around like that'll expel some of his sudden energy. "Ah hyung," he whines, "you can't do this to my poor heart."</p><p>He considers making it a joke. <em>Ah hyung, don't you know? Maybe your star will end up here too if you act like that, jeez. </em>The words stop in his throat, and he forcefully rolls over, turning away from Jaehyun.</p><p>Jaehyun laughs softly. "Goodnight, Haechannie. Sleep well."</p><p>"Goodnight hyung," Donghyuck says, then pauses.</p><p>Waits a moment.</p><p>"Love you too."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, Dream picks up on their tension immediately.</p><p>Donghyuck suspects one of the hyungs has given someone a heads up, because they don't seem too surprised at the situation. Their choreographer doesn't either, but it's no one's place to meddle right now, and so they move onto practice.</p><p>The rest of Dream keeps up friendly conversation and laughter, and Donghyuck joins in easily, avoiding Mark's general presence.</p><p>And then there's a part in the choreography — a part Donghyuck doesn't even <em>think </em>about until it's only a few seconds away, where his hand brushes Mark's shoulder. He's reluctant to do it, hand only lightly brushing Mark's shoulder and not properly putting down weight.</p><p>There's a lurch in his chest. Nausea that threatens to rise, bubbling in his stomach, and he can feel the way he pales. He doesn't let it falter his steps for the rest of the song, but he feels Jeno's eyes on him as they finish up, looking for something.</p><p>The practice isn't long, so there's only a short break in the middle. Jeno beelines for him immediately, even though it's been a bit of time now since Donghyuck's <em>moment</em> when touching Mark, and Donghyuck braces himself.</p><p>"You good?" Jeno asks him, a furrow to his brows. "What happened there?"</p><p>"Nothing," Donghyuck plays off, acting confused. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"When you touched Mark. Did it hurt?" Jeno presses, and Donghyuck is now properly confused.</p><p>"What do you <em>mean ‘</em>did it hurt’? I'm just touching his shoulder, Jeno-yah," he replies, folding his arms.</p><p>Jeno's eyes narrow, then he seems to realise something. "Oh, you... don't know?" His voice is lowered, considerate, making sure the others aren't overhearing. "Rejected romantic soulmarks can become painful if you physically touch them so soon."</p><p>Donghyuck whirls back, surprised. Then he glares, suddenly ready to start a war with someone, focusing on one part of Jeno's admission. "Who told you about the soulmark?"</p><p>Jeno tilts his head, then winces. "No one. I just... kind of figured. A while ago. And Doyoung-hyung warned me you two had a fight so bad you've changed rooms, and to expect the worst between you, so I... kind of assumed that something that bad would really only be if Mark-hyung addressed it and it didn't go over well."</p><p>It turns into a question at the end — Jeno suddenly unsure of his own interpretation. Donghyuck can refute it. Wouldn't have to admit he got rejected by Mark, that all the hyungs found out, and it's such a big mess because Donghyuck's got Mark's star on his chest.</p><p>In <em>love. </em>What an embarrassment.</p><p>Instead of refuting though, Donghyuck shifts a little on his feet and continues to glare. Seems everyone's figured out Donghyuck's secret anyway.</p><p>Jeno seems to know he's got his affirmation, though he now looks guilty for jumping to the conclusion so fast. "Okay, well, I'll ask again. Are you good?"</p><p>It's not fair, Donghyuck thinks. It's not fair that he's the one with a soulmark that doesn't love him back, a star on his chest that shouldn't <em>exist — </em>something that managed to screw up his friendship with Mark.</p><p>It's not fair that Donghyuck has to suffer even more because of it. He's heard before about soulmarks that have been denied, the star aching with the pain of rejection, but he's pushed it to the back of his mind.</p><p>He just didn't expect Mark to throw it in his face after so many years of being silent about it. Not with Mark's quiet expectation that Donghyuck will grow out of it, that they can move on from it without ever speaking about it.</p><p>His hands squeeze his arms, annoyed. "I'm not touching him again," he answers stubbornly. Jeno nods, accepting that's Donghyuck's solution, and it's his to deal with.</p><p>Jeno will always do his best to sit passively with a fight between any of them. To remain the middle ground, reassuring and comforting for both sides, but also stern and assertive when called for it. He doesn't want his own interactions with the members impacted by others fighting, and Donghyuck respects that.</p><p>It's easy to slip the move out of practice at least. He can tell their choreographer is about to make a comment, and Donghyuck's hand comes up to pat at his own chest.</p><p>It must be so obvious to everyone, Donghyuck thinks. Their choreographer's eyes lower to his chest, then light up with understanding. So, so painfully obvious if even their choreographer can see it.</p><p>Thankfully any comments about the movement are passed by without saying a thing. The practice finishes up, and their manager gathers them to talk about their schedule for the music show appearance the next day.</p><p>Donghyuck and Mark end up walking to their dorm together, after being dropped off by a manager. They both put in their earphones and refuse to acknowledge each other.</p><p>It works just fine for Donghyuck.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next time Mark tries to talk to him is the following day, when they're headed back to the dorms after finishing with the music show.</p><p>They have an agreement with their manager that though it might be easier, they won't stay in the Dream dorm while promoting. They'd have to share a room, or displace the others, and neither of them are willing to do those things.</p><p>And even though Jaemin's bed is free, Donghyuck doesn't feel quite right sleeping there. So the two of them remain with the hyungs.</p><p>Mark doesn't even wait until they're back at the dorm, obviously fired up and burning with it, desperate to release his frustration.</p><p>"What the <em>fuck </em>was that, Donghyuck-ah?" He snaps, both of them sitting near the back of the van. Though Mark tries to be quiet so their manager won't overhear, the tone is so sharp it cuts through the air.</p><p>It falls into silence, and anger is quick to rise beneath Donghyuck's skin.</p><p>"It was me <em>keeping my space," </em>he replies back, knowing why Mark’s snapping at him. There's a lilt in his tone that suggests it's a joke, but it's too sharp and jagged to be anything other than a bitter one.</p><p>"Fine, I get you doing it in practice. But you can’t just change the choreo on stages because you’re angry. Fans will notice, what the fuck are you thinking? You <em>know </em>when we perform on stage to hide any actual feelings you have up there. You leave your anger behind, or you hide it, you absolute <em>dumbass</em>."</p><p>Donghyuck whirls on him immediately. "I smiled and I <em>performed, </em>don't you worry your stupid, arrogant head about that. I just didn't want to touch your shoulder, and so I didn't."</p><p>Donghyuck knows why he's so angry. Performance comes above everything, especially to Mark. It shouldn't ever matter what's happened off-stage, because on the stage you <em>perform. </em>You hide everything wrong, and you show the fans the best performance you can.</p><p>But Donghyuck's suffered enough hurt, and right now he doesn't care. It's selfish, but he's putting himself first for this — above the performance, because Donghyuck would rather <em>not </em>suffer a wave of nausea on stage.</p><p>If he pales again, will it be noticeable? Will fans be able to figure out why he looks unwell the moment he touches Mark?</p><p>He'd rather the fans think they're fighting for <em>any</em> possible reason, because it's better than confirming the real one.</p><p>Mark's eyes narrow dangerously at Donghyuck's tone. "<em>Hey</em>. You <em>do not </em>get to act like that on stage."</p><p>"Mark-hyung..." Renjun says quietly, turning in his seat with a worried frown, but trails off at Donghyuck's shake of his head. This is their fight, and he doesn't want to get the others involved.</p><p>"Well I already have," Donghyuck pettily replies, angry that these are Mark's first words to him after their fight. "So I <em>do, </em>because I'm not touching you."</p><p>"It's part of the choreography," Mark retorts. Donghyuck can feel the tension rising, the danger of one of them exploding again. “You don’t get to just change it because you’re being petty.”</p><p>Donghyuck takes a deep breath. "I don't <em>care. </em>I'm not touching you. It <em>hurts </em>to, because you're a fucking asshole and you've hurt me enough. So get <em>fucked, </em>Mark Lee."</p><p>Mark goes to reply, but Jeno reaches out and places a hand on his arm. It's a warning. If Mark speaks now, he might regret it again.</p><p>Donghyuck's already regretting his harsh words and swearing at Mark, but he’s not going to be the first to apologise. He folds his arms and sinks in his seat, turning away from Mark to signal he's done with the fight.</p><p>Mark huffs, obviously not done, but a stormy silence takes over the van anyway. They're dropped off first, their manager giving them a worried glance, but the two of them ignore each other as they say goodbye.</p><p>Jaehyun asks how their performance went, and Donghyuck tells him to go find out through Twitter. Jaehyun gives him a bemused look, but drops the topic easily.</p><p>The next day, after their performances, Jaemin messages him while they're headed home. It's a little livelier, the others talking, placing themselves between Mark and Donghyuck in the van.</p><p><em><strong>#markhyucksummerfight </strong></em>is the message, and Donghyuck snorts at his phone. Jaemin sends through another one. <em><strong>What's up with that?</strong></em></p><p>He knows Jaemin must be feeling left out. Not even up to date on a fight so big it's become <em>noticeable </em>to fans through the choreography, and Donghyuck texts back <em><strong>you free to call in like an hour?</strong></em></p><p>
  <strong> <em>Yep! Give me all the gossip, Jeno's so bad at updating me on the fun stuff~</em> </strong>
</p><p>Donghyuck affectionately rolls his eyes even if Jaemin can't see it. <em><strong>At least you're not subject to his 'I'm disappointed my friends are fighting' looks.</strong></em></p><p><strong><em>Ouch</em> </strong>is Jaemin's reply to that. <em><strong>Yeah, makes this break worth it to avoid that.</strong></em></p><p>They both know it's not even the slightest bit true, but Donghyuck plays along. <em><strong>I'm jealous. alright, got to go. will call in an hour!</strong></em></p><p>He washes up quickly as he’s eager to talk to Jaemin. Between all the comebacks and schedules, he hasn't really had the time to talk to him as much as he'd like. Not one-on-one, at least. Jaemin sends them good luck texts in the groupchat for every stage they do, and Donghyuck always replies with a heart, but that's the most it's been for <em>weeks.</em></p><p>Jaehyun's out of the room at the moment, out for the night with some friends apparently. It’s a little surprising, but Donghyuck's thankful for the timing of it.</p><p>When Donghyuck talks to Jaemin, he realises just how much he's <em>missed </em>him. Doing their first comeback without a member was hard, but Donghyuck tried not to linger on it, tried to remember the promise. They video call, and seeing Jaemin — with dark hair, resting on his bed, looking healthier and <em>better — </em>lifts something from Donghyuck's shoulders.</p><p>Because Jeno probably missed mentioning most of the actual <em>fun </em>things, he catches Jaemin up on some of the funnier, more light-hearted antics between them. It's so good to hear Jaemin laugh, then fail to try and smother it in the late hour, and Donghyuck feels the best he has in weeks.</p><p>Eventually though, Jaemin prompts him to talk about the fight. Donghyuck sighs, thinking it all over.</p><p>"You know, I don't think any of Dream knows what we actually said during the fight. It was... Pretty brutal. We both set out to hurt each other, it's just that Mark did a better job for once." Donghyuck's laugh is dry.</p><p>"Are you going to forgive him?"</p><p>"Never," Donghyuck solemnly says, and Jaemin lets out a breath of laughter. They both know Donghyuck can hold a grudge, but he'll likely forgive Mark within — well, a month at latest. Probably.</p><p>"You don't have to if he hurt you, you know. I mean, I'd say it's for the best in the team that you <em>do, </em>but don't forgive him just because you're expected to. Do it because <em>you </em>feel ready to."</p><p>Donghyuck looks at Jaemin's serious gaze. It's heavy and imploring, and Donghyuck takes a moment to recover by staring out at the wall.</p><p>"Yeah. I mean... I definitely said some things too. We were at each other's necks for days before the actual..." Donghyuck makes an explosion motion with his hands to symbolise the rest of his sentence.</p><p>Jaemin remains quiet, and Donghyuck <em>knows </em>it's his tactic of getting Donghyuck to reveal more, and dammit. It works, even though he's all too aware of how cunning the tactic is.</p><p>"Um, it's... He told me to stop, which is fair because we were bickering. Then he kind of said he knows I'm in love with him, but with the way I was acting that no one would ever love me back."</p><p>Jaemin's inhale is a quiet, sharp noise. Donghyuck hurries to remedy it, even though the anger of Mark saying it is still burning in his chest. "I mean, I was definitely at my worst, so maybe he has a point. But I'd like to say I know he's wrong, because excuse me, how could anyone <em>not </em>love me?"</p><p>It's clear Jaemin's still angry at hearing the words, and there's a spark of shameful vindication about it. Jaemin's not one to get involved in fights either, so Donghyuck's a little pleased that Jaemin's so riled up for him.</p><p>But Donghyuck's also just <em>tired</em>. Tired of the whole fight, even though he's not ready to talk to Mark. He just doesn't want Jaemin and Mark to be awkward with each other.</p><p>"We'll sort it out, Jaeminnie. Don't worry, Mark will grovel to me at some point. Probably when he stops being pissed about the choreography changes." Donghyuck shrugs. "The Markhyuck summer fight will be nothing but a distant joke soon enough."</p><p>Jaemin seems to understand Donghyuck wants him to back down, so he cracks a smile and runs a hand through his hair, loosening the tense points in his shoulders. "Honestly, it's already pretty funny."</p><p>Donghyuck grins. "Send me the best comments. The more ridiculous the better. Maybe I'll print them out and stick them on his door."</p><p>"Who's his roommate now?" Jaemin asks, not surprised they're split.</p><p>"Doyoungie. I've got Jaehyun all to myself. He's more handsome, and pays for my meals more. I don't know why I even bothered falling in love with Mark honestly. I could obviously be living better for cheaper."</p><p>Jaemin snorts, but Donghyuck catches something flicker in Jaemin's expression. He's not fast enough to understand <em>what </em>it is though, but it unsettles him a little, especially as Jaemin smooths it over so well it becomes untraceable.</p><p>Jaemin's good at redirecting his conversation, and that's what he does before Donghyuck can question him. They talk a bit more — about how Jaemin's handling at home, what his treatments are like, what the therapists say.</p><p>"It's on the right track, so they're hopeful. I probably won't... be able to return for a while still."</p><p>Donghyuck's heart sinks. "You mean not even this <em>year?"</em></p><p>Jaemin shakes his head. "No. But there's only, well, three months of this year left. That's not a lot! Just you wait, I'll turn 18 and come back super handsome and pretty to make up for it."</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't doubt it. Jaemin already is — the time off has done him well. He looks rested, but still gorgeous. Unfairly attractive, and it's becoming more obvious everytime Donghyuck sees him.</p><p>"And <em>healthy," </em>Donghyuck stresses, and Jaemin smirks.</p><p>"Of course. But mostly hot," he replies, just to annoy Donghyuck.</p><p>"Yeah, you <em>wish, </em>Nana."</p><p>His door opens, and Jaehyun peeks his head in. "Jaemin?" He mouths to Donghyuck, who nods. He's fond as he watches Jaehyun light up with excitement, stepping into their room properly to get in the camera's view.</p><p>"Jaemin-ah! I hope you're resting well and doing okay," Jaehyun greets, waving. Jaemin waves back eagerly, happy to see another member.</p><p>"I am! I'll be back soon, just you wait," Jaemin promises, and Jaehyun grins.</p><p>"I don't doubt it."</p><p>Jaemin's attention is drawn suddenly to something off screen, and it takes him a few moments before he looks back at it, a sheepish smile on his face.</p><p>It's the typical parental scolding Donghyuck's familiar with the look of, so he grins and waves at Jaemin. "Hey, you need to <em>keep </em>resting well if you're coming back soon. Go to sleep, okay? Let's talk later."</p><p>Jaemin, relieved he doesn't need to say his reason for leaving, quickly agrees. They share goodbyes, and Donghyuck reminds himself to message Jaemin a lot more frequently. He can tell it meant a lot to Jaemin to be caught up on what's been happening, and he's determined to keep Jaemin as involved and happy as possible.</p><p>Donghyuck feels better than he has in days. Jaehyun smiles fondly at him at one point, and Donghyuck realises he's been endlessly smiling since the call — probably the happiest he's been since the roommate switch.</p><p>Donghyuck hauls his pillow at Jaehyun just so he doesn't have to deal with how fond Jaehyun looks. Jaehyun, always quick to join his antics, quickly makes it an all-out pillow fighting war.</p><p>And it's not like he truly believed Mark's words, but there's definitely something that's been sitting heavily in Donghyuck's stomach since he's said them. It eases up with the comfort of others, and by the time he falls asleep, Donghyuck barely feels that heavy weight at all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Everything comes to a bit of a head when they almost fight on stage.</p><p>They're snarkier with each other from the moment they see each other in the morning. Donghyuck's chest has felt sore, almost like it's bruised. A quick look in the mirror shows that the star is dull — but it's still too much of a reminder that he's got his love for Mark so clearly to see, that Mark doesn't <em>want </em>it.</p><p>Mark's been stressed out, more than usual. Usually when Donghyuck sees him in these moods he's the first to try and comfort him, pull him out of them even if only for a little bit, but now the fight has only escalated that stress.</p><p>Mark’s brief touch against his arm when they walked on stage had sent a painful twinge to his chest, but he pushed it down quickly. Both fired up, Donghyuck focused on putting that energy into his performance, refusing to look near Mark at all.</p><p>They get off stage, Donghyuck's frustration still burning, but slightly dulled with the adrenaline of the performance. Jeno immediately steps between them, making sure they don't go at each other when there's so many around.</p><p>Renjun's taken to talking to him, sticking by his side as they get changed from their performance outfits. Takes to sitting next to him in the van on their way back to their hotel in Jeju, giving Donghyuck one of his earphones.</p><p>They’re flying back later tonight, so Donghyuck doesn’t have the time to go home. He’s upset about it, so close to his family but not able to see them.</p><p>"Hey, how about you, Jeno and I go out for a quick dinner?" He offers, quiet enough that no one else can catch it. "Actually, that's not an offer. You're coming out with us."</p><p>Donghyuck groans for the sake of it, but agrees very quickly. They're sitting near the front, so Renjun leans forward and talks to the manager. Their manager sighs, already stressed out because of the whole fight, but Renjun's good at getting what he wants with him.</p><p>At least Donghyuck's not the only guilty one for failing to hide his emotions on stage. There goes Mark's argument of always showing the best to the fans.</p><p>The manager drops the rest of them off at the hotel. Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck go to clamber out as well, but the manager offers to take them to a place if it's closeby.</p><p>Renjun and Jeno seem to already have a plan, so they let the manager know. Donghyuck knows the restaurant, but it's been a while since he's last eaten there, so he's fairly excited.</p><p>Jaemin sends through a text. A screenshot of a preview photo, taken right in the midst of Donghyuck gesturing, with Mark very obviously getting pissed off and ready to argue.</p><p>He hits the call button before he even thinks twice. Jaemin picks up immediately.</p><p>"<em>You two are in trouble~" </em>Jaemin greets with a sing-song voice, and Donghyuck snorts as he puts him on speaker.</p><p>"Sure, but that's a problem for later. Say hi to Jeno-yah and Injunnie," he says, and they share warm greetings.</p><p>"What are you guys doing?" Jaemin asks, the curiousity clear in his tone.</p><p>"We're holding a grief counselling session. R.I.P to one of us, the 00 line, but he's been dead a while now."</p><p>"We don't miss him, but grief counselling sessions makes us sound pitiful. It allows us to get away with murder, or in this case, almost fighting a member up on stage in front of a whole crowd," Renjun joins in, and their manager sighs heavily. "So like, R.I.P to whatever that guy's name was, but his death was useful."</p><p>"Definitely haven't gotten away with it," their manager mumbles, but none of them pay him any mind now.</p><p>"How did I die?" Jaemin prompts.</p><p>"Chenle, probably," Renjun answers, to which Jaemin gives a contemplative hum.</p><p>"As long as it was an act of love, then I'm cool with it," he finally declares, apparently satisfied with their little storyline for him.</p><p>They arrive at the restaurant, their manager saying he’ll pick them up so they can go back to the hotel in time. Thanking him, they head into the restaurant, and Donghyuck switches the phone to his ear as the other two sort out getting a table.</p><p>"I'm pretty sure this is an intervention," Donghyuck whispers frantically to Jaemin, "like, Jeno-yah's about to give me the sad puppy eyes for today. He was <em>pissed, </em>but now I think he's just upset, and that sucks."</p><p>"Let them give it," Jaemin advises, and Donghyuck groans. "They just saved your ass from Mark. You two do need to sort out your shit. Like I said, you don't need to forgive, but you two need to work out where you stand with each other. You need to <em>talk </em>to each other, to at least sort it out to a point you can work together. I doubt Mark wants it to be like this either anyway."</p><p>Donghyuck groans again, louder and longer. Jaemin tuts at him.</p><p>He thinks, suddenly, that even though Jaemin isn't here to be physically in the middle of the fight, it's still impacting him. Here's Donghyuck and Mark, getting so wound up that they're ready to fight on <em>stage, </em>when Jaemin's desperately just trying to recover so he can step back up there with them.</p><p>Donghyuck realises he's taking the stage for granted, and he sighs. "Yeah. You're right."</p><p>Jaemin almost chokes on his surprise. "I'm — <em>what?"</em></p><p>Donghyuck shrugs into open air. Renjun and Jeno pull him towards a table. He takes a seat, ready to get this whole thing over with. "You're right. It seems like it goes to shit with one of us missing. So you better hurry up and be with us soon, okay?"</p><p>Donghyuck's pretty sure he faintly hears Jaemin whispering <em>what the fuck </em>to himself, apparently still reeling. He collects himself fairly quickly, giving an affirmative grunt. "Yeah. I'll recover well and come back. Please try not to kill each other in the meantime."</p><p>"I can't promise that~" Donghyuck mimics the tone Jaemin used when he picked up the call, and Jaemin laughs. They say goodbye, and Donghyuck hangs up to give his full attention to the other two, sitting on the same side of the table.</p><p>Definitely an intervention.</p><p>"Can we order first?" Donghyuck asks, reaching for a menu anyway. "Like, we'll talk and all, but just after I decide what I'm getting."</p><p>Jeno looks like he might argue it, but Renjun stops him by grabbing a menu as well. "Are we sharing meals?"</p><p>"We always share," Jeno answers, looking over Renjun's shoulder to see what he wants. He picks it out, and Donghyuck faintly realises that it's Jaemin's favourite meal.</p><p>Renjun shares a glance with Donghyuck, realising the same thing, but both of them stay quiet. Jeno’s been missing Jaemin a lot, that much is clear to see already.</p><p>They pick out their own meals, debating for a bit with side dishes, then finally decide to order.</p><p>They get their drinks, and it's as much time as they're willing to give Donghyuck. He settles back in his seat, waiting for the inevitable conversation.</p><p>"So," Jeno says, starting it off. "You two really, really need to talk to each other."</p><p>Donghyuck glowers. "Yeah, well. Everytime we talk, we argue."</p><p>Renjun shakes his head. "No. You're both looking to argue from the start. You're only '<em>talking'</em> so that you can argue."</p><p>"I don't <em>want </em>to argue with him. I don’t want to talk, either."</p><p>Renjun sighs. "Yeah, but <em>he </em>wants to talk. He want to apolo—"'</p><p>Renjun cuts himself off, and Donghyuck realises why.</p><p>"Oh good, so he's talking about our fights with everyone, is he? That's great, love everyone getting dragged in."</p><p>Jeno rolls his eyes. "We're already dragged in, Donghyuck-ah. You two have been going at each other's necks for like two weeks now. We're tired of it, by the way. It sucks to see you guys hurting each other like this."</p><p>Guilt festers in Donghyuck's chest, and he pushes it down as best as he can. "He could stop hurting me by <em>not </em>being an asshole."</p><p>"You're also being an asshole," Renjun points out, "You won't even let him speak. You argue back with everything he says, even when he's being calm about it. He <em>wants </em>to apologise because that's the right thing to do."</p><p>"You don't have to accept the apology," Jeno continues, "but... Mark doesn't really know what else to do. You won't hear it, or anything else he says, so he thinks you won't forgive him. He thinks you’re just looking for a fight instead."</p><p>Maybe Donghyuck is looking for a fight. Maybe it's just easier.</p><p>They let the silence settle over them while Donghyuck lets the words sink in. Renjun's always been good at calling him out on his shit, but now Jeno's stepped in to do the same, and Donghyuck knows he needs to start reassessing.</p><p>Donghyuck sighs finally. "Listen, I get why he snapped after so long of <em>this.</em>" He gestures to his own chest. "I know he feels guilty because he... doesn't like me the same way, which is fine, I thought we were past that already. But it's probably been eating at him for years now with all that guilt, so it’s been building up, and I understand it was a matter of time before it kind of blew up."</p><p>Jeno and Renjun's mouths twist unhappily. So Donghyuck continues, trying to explain it. "Neither of us can control the soulmarks, right? But because he doesn't return my feelings, Mark would be heavily burdened by that. So I understand why he said it."</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Jeno starts, a hint of worry in his tone, "it's not a burden to be loved."</p><p>"Isn't it?" Donghyuck asks, but it's rhetorical. A bitter smile twists his own lips.</p><p>"No," Renjun states firmly, hands clasping over Donghyuck's for a moment on the table. "Donghyuck-ah, love isn't a burden."</p><p>"It is," Donghyuck refutes, hands slipping out from Renjun's grasp. "You can't tell me it isn't. Not when Mark's obviously been building up with guilt and pity for me, when neither of us can control this. It's not his fault he's on my chest, but he feels the blame of it all the same. How is that not a burden?"</p><p>"God, Donghyuck-ah," Jeno huffs, frustrated, "it's not a burden to be loved by <em>you. </em>Your love is not a burden. Mark never should've used it against you."</p><p>"But it's being used against him no matter what. Besides, it's his to use, I guess," Donghyuck says, shrugging, sinking down in his seat at the admittance. The star on his heart <em>is </em>Mark's — and if anyone has a right to use it against Donghyuck, it's him.</p><p>He can tell Jeno and Renjun are about to scold him, so he sighs. "Fine. I do want Mark to apologise, but not for the reasons he thinks he should. I know he didn’t mean what he said, so whatever. I know he snapped because I’d been annoying, and the guilt of the whole thing built up too much.”</p><p>Renjun scowls a little at him. “Just because he didn’t mean it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t apologise.”</p><p>Donghyuck waves him off, barreling on. “I want him to apologise, but only because he brought up the whole thing. It was going fine when we were both ignoring it, because we could pretend it wasn't there. But Mark's gone and ruined that, and now we both have to acknowledge that I'm in love with him, and now it hurts when he touches me because he's technically rejected me and that <em>sucks."</em></p><p>“Ignoring it isn’t fair to you,” Jeno says sadly, “you don’t get any closure from that.”</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. “Yeah, but it was easier to just ignore it. So I wish he never brought it up, because now we <em>can’t.”</em></p><p>Renjun holds up two fingers. "Okay, so going by your stupid logic, then at <em>minimum </em>he has to apologise for two things. Having that go at you when he should've known better about the touching in the choreography is now definitely included, right?"</p><p>Donghyuck lifts his coke to take a sip, swirling it around to annoy Renjun a little. "Honestly, he probably forgot about that. I know I did until it actually happened."</p><p>Mark would never hurt Donghyuck intentionally like that. Jeno’s eyes suddenly widen for a moment, then he turns to Donghyuck. “He touched your arm today. He <em>definitely </em>should apologise for that.”</p><p>“I’m telling you, he just forgot. It’s hard to remember you’re inflicting pain when you’re not feeling it. Besides, it barely hurt,” Donghyuck answers, brushing it off.</p><p>Renjun huffs, rolling his eyes. “God, we <em>know </em>Mark didn’t mean to, but the fact is, Donghyuck-ah, he still <em>did. </em>So he should apologise for that as well, but maybe talk about it and <em>remind </em>him, because he’s obviously forgotten.”</p><p>Donghyuck rubs at his temples. “I only want the apology for bringing it up at all. I know he didn’t mean any of the rest, so I don’t want apologies for that because it’s already forgiven or whatever. I don’t want to hear him try and apologise for those comments and the fact he doesn’t like me back.”</p><p>“You’re so goddamn insufferable,” Renjun sighs, leaning back in his seat. “You two are the goddamn <em>worst.”</em></p><p>“Well, at least we’ve established what you want an apology for,” Jeno says, a lot livelier. “And I mean, you still don’t have to accept it, but you two really need to get on the same page here. At this rate even so it’s just to prevent further incidents on stage.”</p><p>"And you should probably apologise about snapping at him every time he talks when you’re up for that. You’re not even giving either of you the chance to fix this, because you prefer to ignore it and not deal with it. <em>Also, </em>honestly, apologise to yourself. Because what the hell were you going to do if Mark never brought it up? Just hold onto some kind of false hope forever?" Renjun cuts in, obviously tired of Donghyuck wanting an apology but not wanting to hear it.</p><p>"Renjun," Jeno warns, and Renjun purses his lips but settles.</p><p>Donghyuck's a little miffed at being called out so directly, but he's saved from having to reply by the food coming out.</p><p>Immediately, Donghyuck helps himself to some of Renjun's meal. Because damn him, now Donghyuck's contemplating his words — wondering just what it is he hoped to achieve by holding onto Mark. How long he would've let himself live in that false hope.</p><p>He knows Mark would never love him back, not like that, but it was easier to pretend. To live in that inbetween, without Mark ever properly rejecting him. Just holding onto a flame and hoping he didn't get burned.</p><p>Renjun lets him take his food with only minimal fuss, because it's also Donghyuck's way of saying he's not too pissed about Renjun's words. Just contemplative. Confused, maybe.</p><p>In turn, Renjun steals from his plate. Jeno's able to direct the conversation into other topics fairly easily, and thankfully the rest of their meal is light and fun, and Donghyuck feels the stress of the day ease away with the laughter between them.</p><p>Their manager comes to pick them up, smiling at their joyous mood. He doesn't give any indication that he's going to tell off Donghyuck for the day's actions, so Donghyuck feels himself relax as they settle into the car.</p><p>"Hey, stay in our dorm tonight when we fly back," Renjun says, and Donghyuck glances over at him. "I mean, you have no schedules tomorrow, right? And either Mark's asleep or he'll just be pissed, so it's better you two take the night away anyway. You can talk to each other tomorrow."</p><p>So they fly the short flight back, and Donghyuck stays the night at the Dream dorm, crashing in Renjun and Jeno's room. He squeezes himself into Renjun's bed easily, both of them all too used to it, limbs draped over each other comfortably.</p><p>The next day, Donghyuck doesn't see Mark. He texts him, the name 'Mark Hateful' staring tauntingly at his phone, and asks to talk.</p><p>He had seen the name on Mark’s phone, right around the time when he had really started to ignore Mark. It had hurt seeing the contact name, but Donghyuck had been vindictive, doing the same to his.</p><p>Mark sends back <em><strong>now you want to talk?</strong></em></p><p>Donghyuck frowns down at his phone, and Renjun looks over his shoulder to glance at the conversation. Renjun groans, hitting his head.</p><p>"Idiot. Fuck, he's as petty as you sometimes," he huffs.</p><p><em><strong>Yes. </strong></em>Donghyuck replies.</p><p><strong><em>Not today. I'm busy. </em></strong>Is Mark’s reply, and Donghyuck scoffs.</p><p>"Well, fuck you then," Donghyuck tells his phone, exiting out of the conversation. He'll ask Mark to talk again later — when he's not as wound up because of the performance, which has obviously left him very pissed off.</p><p>"Leave it. He'll calm down, you know that." Renjun puts an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's order something to eat."</p><p>While Donghyuck is with Renjun and Jeno, they end up doing a VLive together at the manager's request. The frustration of his short conversation bleeds into the video, where he talks about Mark's nickname for him.</p><p>When they finish up, Renjun levels him with a judgemental gaze. "I thought you wanted to talk to him?”</p><p>“Well, now he doesn’t want to talk to me, <em>so,” </em>Donghyuck shrugs helplessly, but the bitterness in his tone bleeds through. Renjun sighs heavily.</p><p>“I hate you two, I truly do,” Renjun complains, rubbing his forehead with frustration. “God, whenever one of you wants to fix it, the other one won’t <em>listen. </em>It’s annoying. Can you two <em>please </em>align your moods for once?”</p><p>“Honestly I think the managers are about to sit you two down and make you talk it out,” Jeno warns, glancing over at one of them in the corner. They’re on the phone, vigorously texting, and Donghyuck grits his teeth.</p><p>“Well, they’ll be surprised to find out their issue with that is Mark today,” Donghyuck retorts, and Jeno laughs a little.</p><p>Jeno, overall, doesn’t seem too worried about the situation. Even as their manager stares down Donghyuck, trying to figure something out, Jeno’s a little more blasé about the whole thing. It makes it easier for Donghyuck to let it roll off his own shoulders.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go get ice-cream or something. I don’t care, anything, I deserve it if I’m about to suffer through this,” Donghyuck says, tugging the two of them up to their manager. They don’t have any schedules for the rest of the day, so Donghyuck takes his chances.</p><p>Thankfully, their manager lets them go with minimal fuss, too worked up about something on their phone. They give Donghyuck a <em>look, </em>which definitely means he’s in for it later, but he will do his best to enjoy his time until then.</p><p>They walk together, Jeno and Renjun on either side of him. They decide to walk to the local park and eat there — though it’s probably too hot for that, but it gets Donghyuck to laugh as Jeno’s face contorts as the melting treat starts to run down his fingers.</p><p>Donghyuck finishes the fastest, grimacing as he realises his own fingers are not spared. They’re uncomfortably sticky, and when his phone buzzes with a message he almost ignores it in favour of keeping his screen clean.</p><p>Realising it’s a message from Jaemin, he forgoes his concerns.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Mark hateful? Don’t think that intervention went as well as Jeno and Injun hoped then. </strong> </em>
</p><p>Donghyuck laughs, showing the text to the other two. He types back his own reply as Renjun sighs heavily, pointedly turning his focus back to his ice-cream.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Unfortunately they forget Mark can be just as petty as me. </strong> </em>
</p><p>Then, a moment later, he types another reply. <em><strong>Doesn’t matter, we’ll be forced to resolve this anyway, so in the meantime I’m enjoying ice-cream~~</strong></em></p><p>Jaemin sends back a slew of laughing emojis, and they leave the conversation there. Donghyuck manages to rope both Jeno and Renjun onto the playground— thankfully rather empty at this time — and they spend the afternoon laughing and playing around.</p><p>It’s a good way to push Mark to the back of his mind. To push back the thought that they’ll have to confront each other properly this time. To come to a point where they can, at the very least, be comfortable with each other again on the stage.</p><p>Just as Donghyuck suspected, the managers round up Mark and Donghyuck the following day, right before their practice.</p><p>"It's very normal to fight," the manager assures Donghyuck, all the while very clearly ushering him in a room alone with Mark. "It's just that you two escalated it to a point seen on stage, so you two need to clear it up with each other and <em>talk. </em>Or fight it all out here, whatever. Just... don't make me deal with the headache of another fight on stage."</p><p>Donghyuck offers a weak laugh at the clear attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "Yeah, okay. We'll do our best. Sorry for the hassle of everything."</p><p>The manager waves their hand, dismissive as they open up the door. It's an empty conference room in the building, a floor above their dance practice room. "Just make it down for practice."</p><p>Mark is already sitting down at the too-large table, placing his phone down as Donghyuck enters. Mark's gaze is steely, but Donghyuck's not one to back down.</p><p>Donghyuck chooses to sit on the same side of the table as Mark, but keeps a seat spaced between them. He swings the chair around to face Mark, leaning back.</p><p>"Okay, firstly, let's make it clear I do <em>not </em>want you to hear you apologise for the star on my chest. I don't want you to apologise for the fact you do not like me back the same way I like you," Donghyuck starts, watching as Mark deflates a little.</p><p>Donghyuck can see the way he's floundering for what to say, now that he's lost the ground of what he thought he should mostly apologise for. Donghyuck takes the moment to continue speaking.</p><p>"I'm sorry for getting pissed at you after you brought it up. I'm sorry I ignored your attempts to apologise because I just didn't want to hear you talk about it at all. Sorry for changing the choreography on stage without warning. And, most of all, I'm sorry that you have the burden of the star."</p><p>It's clear that Mark's anger, his defences, fall away. Mark immediately jolts, shaking his head, looking like he's about to reach out but quickly halting his actions. "Hey, no. Seriously, <em>no. </em>I'm sorry that I said those things. Honestly. What I said was fucking shitty, and it doesn't matter that I didn't believe them and you know that. I never should've said it. You were right, I never should've used it to hurt you like that."</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. "We were fighting. I pushed you, and you wanted to strike back. I get that. My little siblings give me worse."</p><p>Mark shakes his head, looking all too pitiful. Donghyuck can see just how much Mark regrets the words, how remourseful he is about them. "It was a line I shouldn't have crossed. It's so — God. Donghyuck, it wasn't fair. You're so loved, and it wasn't fair of me to say that just because I don't like you that way."</p><p>Donghyuck glares at him, warning that he's treading all too close to the things Donghyuck's already told him not to say. Mark bites down his next words, thinking them over for a moment before continuing.</p><p>"I'm sorry I brought it up to hurt you. Honestly, we should've talked about it earlier." But Mark looks guilty, and Donghyuck sighs.</p><p>"I've always known you wouldn't like me back. But I prefered it being unspoken, because then nothing would change. We could treat each other the same if we just ignored it."</p><p>"Didn't work out so well in the end," Mark says, leaning back in his chair. But he looks the least pressured he has in weeks, the tenseness in his shoulders dropping, and Donghyuck is relieved for it. "I'm sorry, Donghyuck-ah. I really am. I shouldn't have ever brought it up to hurt you, and I'm sorry for getting mad about the choreography change. I thought it was unprofessional, but then... Well, now I'm guilty of that too."</p><p>Donghyuck's lips tilt up. Maybe talking about it isn't the worst thing.</p><p>"Cool. Okay, well, I forgive you. I get why you said it, and I get why you were mad about the choreography. Besides, I don't know about you, but I got <em>lots </em>of treats out of the whole situation. Worked out well for me, actually."</p><p>Mark, expectedly, looks baffled at the sudden change of Donghyuck's demeanour, the sudden change of the atmosphere of their conversation.</p><p>"And not to mention, I got a break from your nagging leader tone," Donghyuck adds, leaning back on his chair, crossing his hands behind his head in an act of smugness.</p><p>Mark, thankfully, adjusts well. "You didn't, you just chose to ignore it," Mark retorts, folding his arms over each other and rolling his eyes.</p><p>Donghyuck sticks out his tongue. He digs his heels into the ground, propelling his wheely chair to get closer to Mark. "Of course. It's all the same. Blah blah Haechan stop doing this, blah blah Chenle you're doing so well, blah blah Haechan <em>stop—"</em></p><p>Mark reaches out to cover Donghyuck's mouth, and Donghyuck immediately swats him away as there's a tingle on his face, as his chest aches.</p><p>He figures Mark hasn't realised that touching is currently painful to Donghyuck.</p><p>But Donghyuck's not going to bring it up — not when they're settling back into normalcy, when they've just stopped apologising to each other for everything about the soulmark.</p><p>They still have a considerable amount of time until practice, so Mark drags him to get some drinks. He pays for both, and Donghyuck nudges him in thanks, ignoring the tingle it sends through his skin.</p><p>It feels good, Donghyuck thinks. To have Mark beside him again.</p><p>And though he knows that it still hurts, the rejection clear to see, to <em>feel, </em>Donghyuck's thankful they're on good terms again. He's missed Mark, after all.</p><p>Having him here, beside Donghyuck, even like this — that's certainly better than not having Mark by his side at all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Everyone is, of course, glad they've resolved their issues. There's a collective sense of relief as Donghyuck and Mark walk into the practice room together, joking around with each other.</p><p>"Oh thank <em>god," </em>Jisung says loudly, "Never fight like that again. Please. It was so awkward."</p><p>Donghyuck laughs at him, going to ruffle his hair.</p><p>And like that, things settle back into place with an ease Donghyuck didn't expect.</p><p>Everything seems to be okay. There's a slight hesistance to every interaction between himself and Mark, an awkward tension between them that's never been there before — but it's better than Donghyuck expected.</p><p>With time, he knows that tension will pass. That the ache will ease whenever Mark touches him.</p><p>They go back to the original choreography, and everything's fine.</p><p>Well, Donghyuck thinks so.</p><p>Until Jeno approaches them, their second show done for the week. Mark drapes an arm around Donghyuck's neck as they wait backstage, and Donghyuck is ignoring the pain in his neck, in his chest, focusing on talking to Chenle.</p><p>Jeno's been looking over at them with a gaze Donghyuck can't quite figure out. It doesn't matter that Donghyuck can't, because Jeno finally seems to settle on a decision, coming up to them once Chenle has moved away.</p><p>"Mark-hyung," he says quietly, immediately getting their attention. It's rare to keep something private between all of them, but it's clear Jeno would rather keep it down. "You're being considerate of Haechannie, right?"</p><p>Donghyuck can feel his eyebrows furrow, knows Mark is doing the same thanks to their angle on the mirror. It takes him a moment to realise what he's insinuating, then he glares at Jeno.</p><p>"Lee Jeno, do <em>not</em>—"</p><p>Jeno whirls onto Mark with the warning, doing the exact opposite of what Donghyuck intended. "Right, this idiot didn't tell you, did he? Mark-hyung, at the moment, please consider the reason Haechan wasn't comfortable touching you."</p><p>"It's fine, Mark-hyung," Donghyuck immediately says, trying to smooth it out before cracks appear again. "Really, it's okay. I'm fine now."</p><p>"You're— what? I thought it's because we were fighting..." Mark trails off, and Donghyuck sees the moment he figures it out.</p><p>Mark's eyes widen, mouth opening, trying to retract his arm. Donghyuck grabs hold of his hand, keeping it there.</p><p>"Haechannie..." Mark wavers uncertainly, still trying to tug back his arm. "I'm hurting you, aren't I? I... I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about it."</p><p>Donghyuck huffs, shaking his head. "Shut up you idiot. I know you forgot, it's why I never mentioned it, but it's <em>fine.</em> It's not that bad, otherwise I would've shoved your arm off a while ago."</p><p>Mark tugs his arm once more, but stops once Donghyuck squeezes his hand. "It's <em>fine, </em>Mark-hyung. Honestly. If it's a problem then I'll let you know."</p><p>Mark pulls a face, but relents to Donghyuck's whim. They do have to separate, as Mark needs to do his makeup, and Jeno stays beside him.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I know you wanted it to stay the same with him. But if he remembered or realised any later, and you weren't going to tell him, he'd feel bad about it forever," Jeno explains softly, and Donghyuck holds onto his slight spark of anger for a second before letting it go.</p><p>Jeno means well and he knows it. Besides, he's argued enough with his members for this month alone, and he doesn't want to hold onto anymore bitterness right now.</p><p>"Yeah, I know," Donghyuck replies, throwing his arm around Jeno's neck. "And I know you're looking out for me."</p><p>Jeno's fingers come up to squeeze at Donghyuck's jaw, affectionately teasing him. "Yeah, because you're an idiot who won't look out for himself."</p><p>Donghyuck's doing his best to lick Jeno's fingers instead of replying, and Jeno shudders once he realises what Donghyuck's doing, immediately retracting his fingers.</p><p>Though Donghyuck lets the conversation pass by easily enough, it's clear it's something on Mark's mind.</p><p>He's hesitant to touch Donghyuck for weeks afterwards, always skirts away when Donghyuck reaches out for him subconsciously. It's frustrating, but no amount of reassurances eases up Mark's worry.</p><p>Donghyuck should be relieved, <em>thankful, </em>that Mark's being considerate of this. That Donghyuck's chest doesn't hurt so often, that there's less of a searing reminder that Mark rejected him.</p><p>But Mark’s hesitance to touch him is more of a reminder than ever — that Donghyuck's screwed everything up by falling in love. That he's ruined things between them by having Mark's star on his chest, and now things are different between them.</p><p>Now Mark treats him cautiously, and Donghyuck has no one to blame but himself for it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Weeks go by. Donghyuck has to accept that things have changed.</p><p>As those weeks go by, he tries not to look at the star on his chest. It gets easier to ignore it, to try and move on — throwing himself into his work, into practicing until his muscles are trembling, until he's finally satisfied with how his vocal practice is going.</p><p>There's award shows to focus on, and the company is starting to talk about big projects for NCT. All of them together for the first time, all units combined, and it comes at a good time for Donghyuck.</p><p>He doesn't notice that Mark's touches on his skin begins to become less painful. That the pain in his chest is easing up whenever he brushes against Mark. It's a gradual, slow thing, and he doesn't realise it.</p><p>Not until it's early in the new year, and Donghyuck's in his room, walking around in the dark after showering. Jaehyun's asleep, and Donghyuck's careful to move around the familiar space without waking him.</p><p>Usually he changes in the bathroom, but he grabbed the wrong shirt, and with Jaehyun already asleep Donghyuck takes the chance to find another one without turning on the light.</p><p>There's a mirror in their room, and Donghyuck can faintly see himself thanks to the light leaking under the door from the main room. On instinct he goes to turn away from it, to not catch the sight of his own chest, but then —</p><p>Something's not quite right. Something's different.</p><p>He turns back to the mirror, holding his breath.</p><p>The star on his chest has faded. Not completely, but enough that the glow has almost disappeared. It's faint, almost dull in the darkness. Not catching or reflecting any possible light like it might have before.</p><p>Donghyuck realises he's holding his breath, and he lets it go with a heavy exhale.</p><p>A mess of emotions stir in his stomach. Relief — for himself. For <em>Mark. </em>The evidence that it's no longer such a heavy burden for either of them.</p><p>But there's something aching, too. Something disappointing at seeing that love begin to fade away, something that was once so bright so visibly fading away.</p><p>He knew he was starting to let Mark go, that his love was naturally beginning to fall away now that he was no longer holding onto it. But <em>seeing </em>it is startling, and Donghyuck stares at his chest for the longest time he has in a while.</p><p>Like if he memorises this moment, if he holds onto it, Mark's star won't disappear anymore. Like it'll stay like this, and Donghyuck won't lose anything more.</p><p>The moment breaks as Jaehyun moves in his sleep, turning over, and Donghyuck tears his eyes away from the mirror.</p><p>Donghyuck slips on a shirt and climbs into bed.</p><p>Years of the star on his chest, his very first, is coming to an end.</p><p>Donghyuck takes a deep breath. Holds it. Gives himself another moment, just to dwell on the star on his chest, lets himself mourn it as it fades away.</p><p>Then lets it go.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jaemin comes back.</p><p>He had sounded hopeful in his messages to them, saying he's got the all-clear from his doctors to return to dancing — but Jaemin hadn't actually told them he'd be returning for the comeback.</p><p>Donghyuck knew he'd come back, that Jaemin had worked incredibly hard with his physiotherapy, following all orders to make sure he could come back to them as soon as possible.</p><p>And if nothing else, Jaemin is a stubborn asshole. Donghyuck knew that he'd come back to them eventually, no matter how long it took.</p><p>So Donghyuck knew Jaemin would return.</p><p>He just didn't expect to see Jaemin walk into the SM building, all of the members meeting to discuss the projects planned for NCT, barely a week into the new year.</p><p>Donghyuck's sitting beside Renjun and Jeno, most of the members gathered in a room to discuss how the units were working this year, the timeline of the comebacks with management. They're still waiting for the meeting to start, and Donghyuck's spinning back and forth on his chair.</p><p>And then Na Jaemin himself walks through the door, a manager by his side, and Donghyuck stops.</p><p>For a moment, it's like everyone's frozen — trying to understand the sight before them. Making sure it's real.</p><p>"<em>Holy shit," </em>Renjun says from beside him, and that moment breaks. They all scramble towards Jaemin, Donghyuck almost tripping as he runs towards him.</p><p>Jaemin looks <em>good. </em>Healthy and well-rested, to the point Donghyuck would think he's almost <em>glowing</em>. His hair is long and dark, and though Donghyuck's seen it in their rare video calls, it's startling to see it in front of him.</p><p>It reminds him of Jaemin pre-debut. Trainees together, with dark hair and baby fat they'd yet to work off. But Jaemin looks <em>grown, </em>looks better than ever. Grown into his features in a way that's incredibly handsome.</p><p>Jeno makes it first, but they all stop before any of them make contact. They <em>know </em>Jaemin's basically been cleared physically, but he's been away for over a year with the injury. It means they hesitate before him, not wanting to accidentally hurt him.</p><p>Jaemin's smiling at them, opening up his arms to show he's okay. That yes, they can glomp him with hugs and he'll gladly welcome it.</p><p>Donghyuck gets a quick moment to hug him, after the three of them together have group hugged Jaemin, but it's short. There's a lot of people crowding around them, all wanting to welcome Jaemin back.</p><p>Chenle wraps himself around Jaemin with a wide grin. Jisung steps up beside Jaemin, purposely not looking like he's going to go for a hug, but Jaemin tuts at him and pulls him into one regardless. Donghyuck doesn't miss Jisung's pleased smile.</p><p>Everyone gets time to greet him, management giving them the time to do so. Finally Jaemin's able to take a seat — close to the collective Dream members, between Jeno and Jungwoo.</p><p>The meeting begins, and they announce Jaemin will be joining them for it. For the 18 member project, as well as for the Dream comeback.</p><p>Their first comeback all together. <em>Jaemin's </em>first comeback ever.</p><p>The smile doesn't fade from Donghyuck's face, even as they’re talked to about the overwhelming amount of upcoming schedules. Filming to take places in different countries for music videos, choreography to learn, different songs to record.</p><p>Donghyuck's got a heavy schedule in front of him, for both Dream and 127, and Mark has even more so.</p><p>Everything starts immediately. The next couple of weeks are a blur of filming, dance practices and vocal recordings. Donghyuck's muscles ache, his brain constantly running through new choreography, but it's <em>good. </em>He's happy to focus on this, on pushing himself to try harder, to be better.</p><p>Mark's star continues to fade.</p><p>He's not entirely sure of the day it completely fades. He notices the lack of it somewhere between the Go and Touch stages, weeks filled with getting up early and spending days at the music show buildings.</p><p>A lot of that time is spent with Mark.</p><p>But it's spent with the other members, too. And Donghyuck and Mark are both tired enough that they barely have the need to speak when together, barely interact as they nap and rest when travelling together.</p><p>He stares at his now-empty chest, wondering when the star properly faded away. When his romantic love for Mark disappeared into nothing.</p><p>He thinks he should be sadder. But now he looks at it, and he feels hollow, almost. A distant ache, a longing for something that was there, but it's not stronger than his relief that it's gone.</p><p>Considering it over for a couple of days, he finally tells Mark.</p><p>Pulls him aside one day, right as their promotions for Touch begin to taper off, just as they're starting to pick up on practice for Black on Black.</p><p>"I figure you should know," he starts the conversation with, and Mark tilts his head inquisitively at him, waiting as Donghyuck takes a couple seconds to properly sort out his next words. "I no longer have any stars on my chest. So, uh. Yeah, just letting you know. Because it was... it was yours, so."</p><p>He goes for casual, but he misses the tone just slightly. Just enough that Mark's careful with his own words.</p><p>Mark brings a hand up to the back on Donghyuck's nape, resting there. The contact is comforting, but it's no longer the cause of butterflies in his stomach, nor the cause of pains in his chest.</p><p>"Thanks for telling me, Haechannie. Really. Uh, I know it was..."</p><p>Donghyuck snorts as Mark clearly struggles with his words. He decides to take mercy — after all, he's had enough serious talks with Mark to last him the next few years. "Let's just <em>not </em>do the touchy-feely stuff, alright? I beg of you."</p><p>Mark laughs, hand squeezing at Donghyuck's neck before dropping. "Sweet, I'm cool with that."</p><p>Mark reaches out a hand for their handshake, and Donghyuck smiles as he follows.</p><p>It's not quite like things go back to <em>normal. </em>Normal, for so many years, was Donghyuck in love with Mark. Now, Donghyuck needs to figure out his new normal — one where he isn't in love with Mark.</p><p>Still, everything settles into something comfortable, something easy. Donghyuck can't ask for much more than that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Promotions wind down, and their schedules ease up. Donghyuck's birthday comes and goes, with a fair bit of fanfare thanks to the members, including the Dream VLive.</p><p>Donghyuck's still learning to orientate himself.</p><p>He's glad that Mark's star no longer resides on his skin, but — well. He's a little lost without it. A little dismayed at the emptiness of his chest, now that he's seen what it looks like with a star to decorate it.</p><p>Donghyuck's an open book. His emotions sit clearly upon his face, reflecting clearly in his tone.</p><p>But matters of the heart, of the <em>soul — </em>those things are now kept strictly hidden away. Out of sight of others, unable to be understood by them.</p><p>Some nights, when Jaehyun is asleep or out with friends, he lets his thoughts sink into things he doesn't ever want seen.</p><p>The insecurities are quick to take hold. The fear that Donghyuck loved Mark, but at the end that didn't even matter — it faded away so quickly. Years of love faded in <em>weeks</em>. What does that make him? What does that mean about <em>how</em> he loves?</p><p>Donghyuck pushes it aside as much as he can to focus on his work and his friends, though the thoughts still lurk at the back of his mind.</p><p>Together, as a group with Dream, they go out a fair amount. Or have dinners together in the Dream dorms, Mark and Donghyuck staying over if their schedule is free enough to allow it. Which, at the moment, currently is.</p><p>It's the looming fear of Mark's graduation pressing down on all of them. Donghyuck isn't half as worried as the rest of the members, knowing he's in a permanent group with Mark — but for a lot of them, these are potentially the last few months they'll ever promote with Mark again.</p><p>But after Mark, it'll be Jeno, Renjun, Jaemin, and Donghyuck graduating the following year. Members Donghyuck's grown up with, same-age friends that are his best friends — and what happens to them, then? Split into different groups? Moved into separate dorms?</p><p>He can see the stress pressing down on all of them. They stick together, desperate to hold onto the time they have left.</p><p>And Donghyuck -</p><p>Donghyuck notices Jeno and Jaemin. Inseparable from the moment Jaemin came back from hiatus.</p><p>It's not like Donghyuck feels excluded from anything, or feels left out despite the fact he usually isn't with them for so many schedules. It's just that there's something between the two of them, something Donghyuck isn't sure how to place.</p><p>One night, after they're told Dream will make a comeback - Mark's final one with them - they go out. Well, Mark's busy, and Chenle and Jisung already have plans, so it leaves the four 00 liners.</p><p>They head out for dinner, lively and happy. It's always exciting to get news of a comeback, new songs, new promotions. They've been busy this year, promoting more than ever, but Donghyuck still is thankful to get the chance to promote with Dream.</p><p>His closest friends surround him, and Donghyuck is so happy to be with them. Renjun and Donghyuck barter for the best pieces of food, and Jaemin is complaining about something to do with Jisung stealing his bed recently, and Jeno's just laughing with happiness, occasionally stepping in only to stir them all up more.</p><p>After dinner, they move to an arcade. All four of them are competitive when together, and things are quick to delve in chaos. Renjun and Donghyuck pair up against Jaemin and Jeno for some games.</p><p>It's unfortunate. For Jaemin and Jeno, that is.</p><p>Renjun takes advantage of Jaemin's easily distractible nature, and Donghyuck deals with Jeno — he's a lot more experienced with these games, and it shows in the overall scores.</p><p>Jaemin whines until Jeno rolls his eyes and pulls him away, promising to buy him a snack from a store closeby. The offer is extended, but Donghyuck pulls Renjun away to battle him with some more games.</p><p>It's almost like their pre-debut days, when they snuck out to treat themselves to some food or some games. The four of them together, though Renjun didn't come until later. Together, as it's always been, as Donghyuck always hopes it will be.</p><p>But Mark was always with them too. And now Mark's graduating Dream soon, and isn't here tonight.</p><p>Years together, training together, debuting and performing. All to begin to fall away as Mark's graduation looms, as their own approach.</p><p>Things are changing.</p><p>Donghyuck's no longer in love with Mark, either.</p><p>It's the end of these things. Of Donghyuck's love, of their time together in Dream.</p><p>It might be thanks to his nostalgic thoughts, but it's why Donghyuck can place something has shifted between Jaemin and Jeno. It's different to their pre-debut days, different to a couple of years ago.</p><p>Something shifted when Jaemin returned, and Donghyuck's still trying to figure out what it is. What it means.</p><p>Renjun pulls him from his thoughts, tugging him into a photobooth. Donghyuck's laughing, because it seems a little ridiculous, a little silly, to take photos together when it feels like every move of theirs is followed by cameras.</p><p>But this isn't Haechan and Renjun of NCT. This is Donghyuck and Renjun, so Donghyuck wraps his arms around Renjun as they pose, pulling faces and selecting silly filters and decorations for their final photo strips.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin pass by them as they exit the booth, both holding their own copies of the photos.</p><p>Jaemin pulls an affronted face, offended that he'd been left out of the photos. "Excuse <em>me, </em>get back in there. We're taking some all together."</p><p>So Donghyuck and Renjun enter for another round, and it's a bit of a squeeze with four of them, but they make it work.</p><p>They have to do it another time all together, because the photobooth only prints out two copies and they each want their own. Jaemin pulls in each of them for a kiss on the cheek during the second round, managing to capture their disgusted faces at it.</p><p>Donghyuck looks at the photos after, the two strips in his hands, and laughs at each of their faces. He manages to score the strip with Jaemin attempting to kiss them, but it also features Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck working together for the last photo to capture Jaemin unaware with their own retaliation, kissy-faces all too close to his own.</p><p>He stares at the photo as Renjun decides he's thirsty, so he tugs Donghyuck to the vending machine to grab a drink.</p><p>There's a filter on the photos, one that gives them a slight blush, and it adds a comedic effect to the whole kissing situation.</p><p>But Jeno's catches his eyes. Just a little bit darker in colour, the flush spreading to his ears — or the one that Donghyuck can see, the other covered by Jaemin leaning across to kiss him on the cheek.</p><p><em>That's </em>not part of the filter.</p><p>He goes to say something to Renjun, to point it out so they can laugh about Jeno being genuinely embarrassed, but he stops himself.</p><p>There's no reason for Jeno to be embarrassed like that. It's usual for them to tease each other with kisses like that, a standard joke between them all.</p><p>He looks at Jeno's expression for the rest of the photos. He was the first to be kissed by Jaemin, at the top of the strip. The flush on his cheeks remains for the rest of the photos, and his eyes are following Jaemin.</p><p>Renjun suddenly pulls the strip from his fingers. Jaemin had grabbed the other strip of Donghyuck's set, trading with Renjun for their first round of photos.</p><p>“Nuh-uh, that one is mine Injunnie," Donghyuck taunts, stepping up to the vending machine to get his own drink. He knows Renjun will return them at some point, so he lets Renjun take it for now.</p><p>When he turns back, it's to Renjun putting away his phone, the photo strip held up to the light.</p><p>"We can probably photocopy them or something," Donghyuck offers as Renjun hands back the photos. Renjun laughs, shaking his head.</p><p>"That'd be like photocopying a polaroid. Doesn't have the same effect, does it? It's okay, this photo is nice, and the first round of photos are cute too. I can send you a photo of them if you want," Renjun replies, both of them walking back over to Jeno and Jaemin.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks," Donghyuck answers. "I'm excited to have your silly faces as blackmail material."</p><p>Renjun nudges him, a little harder than normal. "<em>I'm</em> the one with the original photos, offering them to you, how is that blackmail?"</p><p>Donghyuck hums. "I can upload them for your birthday."</p><p>Renjun laughs. "Yeah, good luck getting <em>that </em>approved."</p><p>"I have my ways," Donghyuck teases, but even <em>he's </em>unable to get past the social media team most of the time. Renjun knows it too, continuing to laugh at him.</p><p>They linger around the arcade for a while longer, then begin to lazily stroll down the streets. They can't go too far, but they go far enough that the four of them can pretend they're just four ordinary boys, having a fun night out together. That there's no pressure of NCT, of graduations, of things changing.</p><p>It's just the four of them tonight. Having fun together, <em>being </em>together, and that's all that matters.</p><p>Though they don't want to, they eventually have to head back to the dorms. Donghyuck argues with them, because they're adamant on walking with Donghyuck to the 127 dorms, even though it's further than the Dream dorms.</p><p>"I can walk back on my own," Donghyuck grumbles, but Jaemin scoffs.</p><p>"I mean you certainly could. But us, leaving you? On your <em>own? </em>When there's the three of us? I don’t think so," Jaemin retaliates.</p><p>"There's no point on you guys doubling back to head to the Dream dorms," Donghyuck argues. "It's not that far, it's fine to walk on my own."</p><p>"Exactly! It's not that far, so we can walk you there!"</p><p>"Guys," Jeno cuts in, "why doesn't Donghyuckie just stay over? You can crash with Injunnie like you usually do."</p><p>Renjun doesn't even argue with the fact that Jeno's just offered up his room without discussion. So, naturally, neither Jaemin nor Donghyuck win their respective arguments. Donghyuck ends up texting the manager and Jaehyun that he's with Dream tonight.</p><p>Renjun gives him some pyjamas to sleep in, and Donghyuck goes to crash in Chenle's bed because he's currently not staying in the dorms. Renjun's moving around, washing up — something Donghyuck isn't bothered to do without his own cleansers on hand.</p><p>"Here," Renjun says as he enters the room, passing Donghyuck something. Donghyuck takes it, then realises it's a phone charger — one specifically for his phone, one that none of the other Dream members have.</p><p>"Did I leave it here?" Donghyuck asks without thinking, belatedly realising he <em>knows </em>his charger is back in his room with Jaehyun.</p><p>"No," is all Renjun says to that, clearly refusing to elaborate any further. It's strange enough to throw Donghyuck off slightly, but he's too tired to question it as he plugs it in. It's a good thing Renjun gives it, because his phone was starting to get dangerously low.</p><p>Renjun starts up some music, something both of them don't mind falling asleep to.</p><p>"Tonight was fun." Renjun's voice is quiet, almost as calm as the music floating around the room.</p><p>"Yeah," Donghyuck replies just as softly.</p><p>For a moment, he thinks about adding something. To ask Renjun about if he's noticed anything between Jaemin and Jeno, if anything's shifted between them.</p><p>Instead, he puts his phone down, tugs the blanket up, and says "Goodnight, Injunnie."</p><p>"Night, Donghyuck-ah. Sleep well."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wasn't Mark enough of a warning for him? Liking three people, especially in the same group — it's the path of ruin, Donghyuck thinks. He will not let his own feelings ruin anything else.</p><p>And even though everything's resolved with Mark, their friendship stronger than ever now, Donghyuck still remembers the ache in his chest. The star destined to fade away.</p><p>He won't ruin things with anyone else. He won't ruin <em>himself </em>again.</p><p>--</p><p>2018. Some things go right.</p><p>A lot of things do not.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>2018 was a hell year to figure out with schedules I can't lie, but then again I'm going to say the same thing for the next chapter in 2019, so the real point here is schedules are hell to figure out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They record their songs for the We Go Up comeback, but the shooting for the comeback is put on hold until after the SMTown Osaka concert.</p><p>The practice for the concert, and the concert itself, pass by in an exciting blur. They start filming for We Go Up not too long after, with Mark's birthday passing by just before.</p><p>It's a bit heavier this year. Knowing that this is Mark's last birthday with Dream — and they celebrate it joyfully, but Donghyuck knows Mark's a little upset about it all too.</p><p>Still, there's not a lot they can do about the passing of time.</p><p>Almost all of them have different hair colours for the comeback. Jaemin turns up with bright pink hair, and Donghyuck knows his jaw drops for just a second when he sees it.</p><p>There's different locations for the shooting, a day and location that Mark and Donghyuck have to miss, but Donghyuck really likes all of them.</p><p>There's two that stand out, though.</p><p>The one by the beach, where Donghyuck excitedly pulls Renjun along to the wall to see over it, to see the rocks and shore below. It's rare that they can come out to the beach like this, and Donghyuck's remorseful that they don't have the opportunity to swim in it.</p><p>Despite their high energy, all of them having fun as they shoot, something about the location is calming. Serene.</p><p>Near the end of the day, when they're almost wrapped up with everything for this location, Jeno sits on the wall. Donghyuck lays down beside him, wanting to soak in as much of this moment as he can.</p><p>To hear the waves hitting the rocks below, the excited chattering of his members, Jeno reaching up to stroke his hair. To have this type of happiness last in his memories forever.</p><p>It's almost like Donghyuck's in a bubble, like nothing else matters except these things. Like he can sit here forever, his head in Jeno's lap, the lingering warmth from the setting sun on their skin.</p><p>Jeno seems content with it all too.</p><p>Unfortunately, though try as he might to hold onto them, these moments can't last forever. They're ushered back to their vans, encouraged to sleep early as they have an earlier start for their final day of filming.</p><p>They're in high spirits with the filming having wrapped up well, with being so close now to finishing everything. So close to their comeback and to performing again.</p><p>Donghyuck's a little calmer, the relaxed state he was in with Jeno still lingering. The memory of Jeno underneath him, patting Donghyuck's hair, leaves him feeling warm.</p><p>Settling into his seat, he rests his head back — and before he knows it, he's drifting off, falling asleep on their ride back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Thankfully, it's a rather warm day when the crew give them water hoses the next day, and basically tell them to go have fun after spending some time doing choreography shots.</p><p>Directed, controlled fun — conscious of cameras and their angles, of the way they're smiling and laughing, but that soon settles into the backs of their minds. It's simply <em>fun, </em>the way they get to mess around, the way Donghyuck can turn the hose on the others and get them soaked.</p><p>And, well. Here's the thing. It's not like Donghyuck isn't surrounded by extraordinarily gorgeous people daily. He lives on the same floor as Taeyong after all, who still manages to look unreal even when he's just woken up.</p><p>All their members are physically attractive. Handsome, pretty, gorgeous. Those are just facts, really, almost part of the job description. Donghyuck's seen them at their best, but at their worst too, and therefore it's not really anything out of the ordinary now. Nothing noticeable to him when he sees them.</p><p>And they're made to look <em>good, </em>even when they're soaking wet and dripping everywhere. Waterproof makeup does wonders, the sun's shining brightly, and Donghyuck knows they'll look even better for the final video.</p><p>Jaemin's outfit really shouldn't surprise him. He <em>knows </em>it, after all — just ran through their choreography a few times with it on, so it's not like it's anything new to him today.</p><p>But there's something different about the way he's smiling so brightly, the way water is dripping off him, something that's catching Donghyuck's attention to stare at his bare arms. Something where Donghyuck’s brain can’t think beyond the word ‘<em>wow.’</em></p><p>He pushes it back, because Jaemin <em>is </em>attractive. Donghyuck reminds himself he knows this, that this isn't anything unusual, this is truly just a fact of life.</p><p>The sun is hot. The sky is currently blue. Na Jaemin is incredibly attractive.</p><p>So is Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun.</p><p>Mark Lee, too, he reminds himself sternly, catching his thoughts stopping after Renjun. Mark <em>is </em>pretty and attractive. Chenle and Jisung are growing up well. 127 are also very visually attractive. So is everyone else in this industry, and Donghyuck <em>knows </em>this.</p><p>Renjun takes off his own jacket at one point, and Donghyuck catches himself looking. His thoughts have pretty much escaped him at this rate, because he can barely try and explain to himself <em>why </em>he's looking.</p><p>Has to remind himself it's <em>natural </em>to look at something pretty. That they're <em>meant </em>to be for this music video.</p><p>And then there's Jeno, pushing his hair back, and Donghyuck's mouth goes dry.</p><p>All thoughts have properly escaped his mind.</p><p>He's torn from his state as Chenle turns the hose onto him, spraying him down with cold water. He shrieks in surprise, reaching out to try and take the hose off Chenle to get him back.</p><p>He's unsuccessful, but that hardly matters. His attention is drawn back to the fact they're <em>filming</em>, and he forces himself to focus on that. To not think about the others and how they look.</p><p>To not think about their gazes as Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun naturally crowd around him as he starts to loosely dance a bit. As Renjun leans against the car to watch, as Jeno fiddles around with the hose to try and spray him, as Jaemin tries to make the sponges rain soapy water on him.</p><p>The centre of all their attention. And Donghyuck takes it, lets it fuel his confidence, knowing the camera is capturing them.</p><p>It may or may not make it into the final video, but Donghyuck hardly cares about that right now. Knows that this will be in his memories forever regardless.</p><p>Their final day of filming concludes. They're given towels and told dry clothes are in the small trailer to change in. Donghyuck's one of the last to get changed, opting to continue playing around with Chenle and Jisung as the rest take turns.</p><p>They're wrapping up the equipment, packing things away and cleaning up, but Donghyuck knows they're given extra time to mess around with the hoses.</p><p>There's a point where he looks over, and he sees Jaemin leaning against the trailer, freshly changed and mostly dried off — his hair is still a bit wet, but someone will come by and direct him towards a hairdryer soon enough.</p><p>Jaemin's watching them with such a fond gaze, a smile settled comfortably on his lips, and Donghyuck lets himself take a moment to stare. Long enough that Jeno, coming out of the trailer, stops to watch them mess around as well.</p><p>Jeno gives them a moment before calling Donghyuck over, signalling that it's his turn. Donghyuck manages to get one last splash at Jisung before running to where he dumped his towel, doing his best to pat down his hair and arms.</p><p>Jeno steps down from the trailer and out the way. They both laugh at Donghyuck's wet appearance, shaking their heads, but quickly start to fuss about him hurrying up before he gets sick from being in wet clothes. He peels off the wet shoes and socks with a grimace, leaving them outside the trailer with the pile of others.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are still waiting for Donghyuck as he steps out. Jisung and Chenle are also there, and Jisung steps into the trailer to change after him.</p><p>Jaemin tuts at him, coming over with his own towel to try and dry Donghyuck's hair a little more. Donghyuck huffs, complaining that their hair will be blow-dried anyway before they leave, but it doesn't stop Jaemin.</p><p>They wait for Chenle to finish changing as well, then head over. Renjun and Mark are both completely dry, both of them having removed their makeup properly and waiting by for the others. It doesn't take long to dry all their hair properly, and that they're all ready to go by the time their manager is able to take them home.</p><p>They're a little quieter today on the ride home, all exhausted after their multiple choreography runs and being on set. They've used up all their excited energy during the waterfights, and now they're all drained.</p><p>And there's something sitting under Donghyuck's skin. Something unsettled and uneasy as he remembers the filming, as he thinks about his reactions to seeing Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun.</p><p>Donghyuck catches himself looking over at them, now bare-faced. Tells himself that <em>see? Just the same as you always know them as.</em></p><p>It doesn't matter — he still looks over, and thinks <em>wow.</em></p><p>He groans quietly at himself, head knocking on the window. Renjun looks over at him, raising an eyebrow in question, but Donghyuck waves him off.</p><p>He'd prefer to stare out the window dramatically without interruptions. Thankfully, Renjun doesn't press it. Just offers him an earphone, and Donghyuck takes it.</p><p>The song he's listening to is in Chinese, so Donghyuck's understanding of it is limited, but it seems to suit the mood he's going for.</p><p>For the second time, Donghyuck finds himself drifting off as they ride home. But instead of thinking about just Jeno's warmth, he's thinking about Jaemin and Renjun too — about their smiles and their laughter and the way they <em>glowed </em>under the sun today.</p><p>Something's shifted, and he knows it. It's just that he'd prefer not to understand it, because he knows he won't like what it is.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The MV and album come out, they promote, and Donghyuck focuses on his own work.</p><p>Because if he doesn't, then he starts looking to the side. Starts looking at mirrors, starts watching them when they're monitoring stages, or later watching fancams of Jeno, Jaemin, or Renjun.</p><p>He's starting to get an idea of what's happening, starting to figure it out, but he pushes it down.</p><p>It's something that haunts him at night. The idea of liking someone — of <em>loving </em>again, potentially, if he lets it grow.</p><p>Not just one person, either. <em>Three.</em></p><p>Wasn't Mark enough of a warning for him? Liking three people, especially in the same group — it's the path of ruin, Donghyuck thinks. He will not let his own feelings ruin anything else.</p><p>And even though everything's resolved with Mark, their friendship stronger than ever now, Donghyuck still remembers the ache in his chest. The star destined to fade away.</p><p>He won't ruin things with anyone else. He won't ruin <em>himself </em>again.</p><p>Promotions draw to an end. There's festivals to prepare for, the Dream Show now coming up fast, as well as his 127 schedules, and it's easy for Donghyuck to focus on practices.</p><p>As time passes, Donghyuck starts to take more notice of Jeno and Jaemin, who look closer and closer everytime he sees them.</p><p>He was right, he thinks. Something has shifted there.</p><p>Like they're on the brink of something.</p><p>Donghyuck's too curious for his own good. Even though he <em>knows </em>he shouldn't ask, that this probably will hurt if his suspicions are correct, his curiousity won't let it drop.</p><p>He's over at the Dream dorm one night — it's becoming rarer with schedules misaligning, with Donghyuck just finding it easier to crash in his own room, but he's been purposely lining this up so he can talk to Renjun privately.</p><p>They stay up and talk to each other whenever they can. Fun, light conversations, or sometimes deeper, more painful ones too. Homesickness, stress, insecurities — there's few things between them they don't talk about.</p><p>They don't talk about their soulmarks, though. Renjun's never brought up his feelings about Mark beyond the intervention with Jeno.</p><p>Donghyuck is once again in Chenle's bed, and they're both awake and talking as the hours go by. It's getting late, but Donghyuck pays little mind to it.</p><p>He's on his back, looking up at the ceiling. A quick glance to the other side shows Renjun sitting up, his back pressed against a couple of pillows.</p><p>"So, have you noticed anything between Jeno and Jaemin?" Donghyuck does his best to hedge into the conversation gracefully, but he knows he doesn't succeed, because he can see Renjun shoot him a look from the corner of his eyes. He sits up properly, but Donghyuck turns his gaze back to the ceiling.</p><p>Renjun gives up on getting Donghyuck's attention, settling back down into his pillows. He hums, considering. It's enough of a giveaway that Donghyuck can tell he's certainly noticed something, but he's not going to say what it is so easily.</p><p>"Why? What have you noticed?" Renjun asks, voice carefully steady and revealing little.</p><p>Donghyuck could dodge it. Drop the conversation, keep his suspicions as merely that.</p><p>He doesn't, naturally, because he likes to make himself suffer. "They've been... really close, lately."</p><p>"Right," Renjun agrees easily, "they have been."</p><p>Donghyuck huffs, a little frustrated Renjun won't give his own thoughts, but he knows sometimes he just has to be patient. "I think something's changed between them. Or is changing."</p><p>Renjun shifts enough that Donghyuck turns a little to look over at him. He's properly lying down, holding a pillow to his chest.</p><p>Renjun doesn't look over at him as he speaks. "I think they like each other. I also think they're too scared to do anything about it, even though they know it's mutual."</p><p>"Oh," Donghyuck says quietly.</p><p>It's not what he expected to hear, after all. Or maybe he did — just not so directly, not so bluntly. He'd asked Renjun the question after all, suspecting he was <em>right, </em>and here's the validation.</p><p>Something in his chest aches, even though it shouldn't.</p><p>"And... what do you think of that?" Donghyuck asks cautiously.</p><p>Renjun shrugs. "Doesn't really matter what I think."</p><p>"You know it does," Donghyuck argues, because it <em>does. </em>All of their interactions, their dynamics, impact the team. This is something that impacts all of them, and so their thoughts are important about it.</p><p>Donghyuck knows this much. Because their opinions mattered to Donghyuck when it came to Mark, though they didn't say anything about him actually liking Mark, they're the reason that his friendship with Mark didn't completely deteriorate.</p><p>They're too alike — if it mattered to Donghyuck, then it'll matter to the rest of them too.</p><p>"Not really," Renjun shakes his head. "All I want is them to be happy. So if that makes them happy, then that's all I care about."</p><p><em>What if you're wrong, </em>Donghyuck wants to ask. <em>What if you're wrong, and this ends up hurting one of them? Both of them? How is that happiness?</em></p><p>Donghyuck's quiet, unable to say what he wants, but unable to think past it either.</p><p>Renjun turns to look at him. "I don't know if that happiness will last forever, of course. There will be lots of obstacles, lots of challenges to face together, and they know that. But I think if they can get through that together, if they're happy, then that's worth everything. It's up to them if they want to try, though. If that's worth it to them."</p><p>Donghyuck holds his gaze as he speaks, but breaks it as he thinks over the words, staring at the ceiling once again.</p><p>He wonders what would be worth it to Jeno and Jaemin. What, possibly, <em>wouldn't </em>be.</p><p>Maybe they're too alike to Donghyuck in this regard. Maybe they're too scared to ruin the friendship with each other — prefering to keep quiet, to ignore it, to not take that risk of being heartbroken.</p><p>But Jeno and Jaemin share the same feelings, if their suspicions are correct. This is the difference to Donghyuck. This is the thing that makes all the difference between Mark and Donghyuck, and Jeno and Jaemin.</p><p>"Well, if anyone's going to succeed at dating their group member, it's going to be Jeno and Jaemin," Donghyuck finally says, not wanting to voice out his own thoughts properly. Renjun snorts with brief laughter.</p><p>"Guess we'll have to see," Renjun replies. Donghyuck glances over again, catching Renjun's eyes once more.</p><p>They share a small smile, but Renjun is the one to break eye-contact. He turns onto his back, fingers tightly gripping into the pillow.</p><p>Renjun guides the conversation smoothly — better than Donghyuck's own attempts at least — into easier discussions.</p><p>The hour is late by the time they finally fall asleep. Renjun drifts off first, his tired, hazy eyes doing their best to stay trained on Donghyuck as he speaks.</p><p>Donghyuck laughs softly and fondly at his attempts to stay awake. "It's okay, Injunnie. Let's talk later. Sleep well."</p><p>Renjun smiles back, eyes already drifting shut. "Night, Haechannie. Love you."</p><p>Donghyuck startles a little with the mumbled words, unsure he's even heard them correctly.</p><p>They don't say it often between themselves. Not unless it's in jest, teasing — nothing serious, nothing too fond or emotional. They've only said it a couple times to each other, when the other has desperately needed to hear it.</p><p>Donghyuck's taken off-guard by it. Wants to tease Renjun, to reaffirm that Renjun's just joking around, their usual banter.</p><p>Except Renjun's already asleep, and Donghyuck swallows back his words. Lets Renjun's words settle over him instead, on repeat over and over as he falls asleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Between starting to practice for festivals and other events, they manage to record Candle Light. Their final project with Mark in Dream, and a way to finish up and say goodbye to the year as well.</p><p>The year is drawing to a close, schedules picking up again with everything, practices upon practices. Donghyuck's been pushing himself, still intent on focusing on his work rather than the turmoil of emotions sitting inside of him.</p><p>Donghyuck should've known better.</p><p>It's just that with Mark, he never tried to push down those feelings. He accepted them, because they were just a natural development for him, on his chest before he even figured out how much he liked him.</p><p>So he was hoping by pushing his feelings down, ignoring them, they wouldn't grow. That they'd never go beyond a certain point, that they'd fade away before they ever became a problem.</p><p>Now they're a problem.</p><p>Now there's three stars sitting on his chest.</p><p>It happens in the damn practice room again. All of them sitting around, running through practices for the Dream Show for the next day.</p><p>Donghyuck's sitting back, resting against the mirror. He's been practicing a fair amount this week, including with 127, and his body is certainly feeling it. They've finished up, and decided to just order dinner together as a celebration for finishing up the final practice.</p><p>They're waiting on their delivery, so Donghyuck takes the time to rest. Renjun comes and sits by with him, nudging him with his shoulder. "Hey, you good?"</p><p>"Mhm," Donghyuck replies, because that's all he's got the energy for right now. He'll have another burst when he sees food, but until then he's got nothing to give.</p><p>Jeno walks over too, passing him his uncapped water bottle. Jaemin's holding the rest of theirs, passing them around their little make-shift huddle on the ground once they sit down.</p><p>Renjun pulls out his phone, angling his screen towards Donghyuck as an invitation to look over. He's got memes pulled up, and Donghyuck laughs breathlessly.</p><p>"Your memes suck," he tells him, and Renjun pokes out his tongue at him, but neither of them stop swiping through them.</p><p>Mark, Jisung and Chenle join them too. Jaemin and Jeno keep them engaged in conversation, and Donghyuck is well aware that it's so Donghyuck doesn't feel pressured to with his usual attempts to liven the atmosphere.</p><p>Their manager walks back in with their delivery, his own meal amongst the assortment, and they spread out the meals. Jisung makes sure to nudge Donghyuck's favourites closer to him, and Donghyuck smiles at him in thanks. He notices Chenle doing the same for Mark too.</p><p>He's definitely getting his energy back with the excitement of food, with all his friends doing their best to look out for each other — to look out for <em>him.</em></p><p>He loves them all, he thinks to himself. He truly does.</p><p>His eyes catch Jaemin's, and the thought lingers in his mind.</p><p><em>How </em>does he love them?</p><p>The thought is not a welcome one.</p><p>He doesn't want to think about the way he knows his heartbeat picks up whenever they're near. How his stomach feels fluttery, how his reactions change for Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin.</p><p>It doesn't matter if Donghyuck doesn't want to think about it.</p><p>He's shoved some food into his mouth forcefully, focusing on that instead. But then his chest is suddenly tingling, and it takes him just a second to remember this feeling.</p><p>It's sharper than he remembers, more of a burning edge to it now. Multiplied in intensity, and Donghyuck can feel why.</p><p>Not just one star has appeared on his chest.</p><p>He has three.</p><p>The food is like ash in his mouth. Barely able to swallow it down, he then has to make sure the sudden nausea in his stomach isn't a threat either.</p><p>Trying not to give away his sudden reaction, he grabs his water bottle and tries to slowly sip it down, to get rid of the ashy taste on his tongue, to try and settle his stomach.</p><p>His heart is pounding so loudly he's scared Renjun will be able to hear or feel it as he presses against him.</p><p>Thankfully the rest of them seem wrapped up in their meals or in conversations, so Donghyuck isn't noticed.</p><p>
  <em>Three.</em>
</p><p>He's in love with three of them.</p><p>Donghyuck wants to yell. Scream. Cry, maybe.</p><p>Wasn't Mark enough? <em>Why didn't he learn?</em></p><p>This will only end in heartbreak.</p><p>Three times the amount.</p><p>Donghyuck takes a shuddery, thankfully quiet, breath in. He knows he's tried to close off his heart more than ever since Mark — even though it's been months now since his star has faded. That small fracture was painful enough.</p><p>Three times. What will be left of his heart then, at the end of this?</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are certainly on the brink of <em>something</em>. They'll likely end up together — happy, just the two of them.</p><p>Because that's how relationships should work, Donghyuck thinks. Just the two of them, right?</p><p>And Donghyuck's selfish enough to want both of them. The two who will most likely just have each other's stars on their chests.</p><p>To want Renjun, who's even more closed off with his own heart and soulmarks.</p><p>It will never work.</p><p>Not with Jeno. Not with Jaemin. Not with Renjun.</p><p>God. He <em>hates </em>this. He hates his stupid heart.</p><p>Renjun accidentally bumps against him, but it's enough to remind him that he's surrounded by the others. That they'll notice if he continues to spiral any longer.</p><p>His stomach is in knots though, still nauseous with the revelations of tonight, and he can't bring himself to eat.</p><p>Which won't really work at being unnoticeable, so he does his best to just excuse himself entirely with the bathroom, and hopes they'll forget about how much he's eaten by the time he's back.</p><p>Though he doesn't need it, he still heads to the bathroom. Locks himself in a stall and sits down on the closed toilet seat, putting his head in his hands.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>His stupid, stupid heart.</p><p>Though he knows they're not, it still feels like the stars on his chest are tingling. Like their warmth will eventually burn, searing through his shirt for all to see.</p><p>He's tempted to lift up his shirt, to check in the mirror, but there's too much of a risk someone might walk in. The minutes fall away too quickly, and it'll only get more suspicious the longer he's in the bathroom.</p><p>This really, <em>really</em> isn't what he needs. Not on the night before the Dream Show. Not ever, honestly.</p><p>Gathering his nerves, he stands up, unlocking the stall door and walking over to the sink. He splashes water on his face, then notices how pale he is and tries to pinch some colour back in.</p><p>Drying his face off with the bottom of his shirt, because there's only hand-dryers in this bathroom, he makes his way back to the practice room.</p><p>Jeno looks up and grins, waving him over. Donghyuck does his best to ignore the twisting in his stomach. "We saved you some, if you want it."</p><p>"He left and therefore gave up his rights to it," Chenle argues, but doesn't make any move for the remaining food.</p><p>Donghyuck reaches down to ruffle Chenle's hair. "I'll remember that, Chenle-yah. But whatever, you can have it, I'm good."</p><p>Chenle shrugs. "Honestly, I don't want it."</p><p>Donghyuck then slaps the top of his head lightly. "Then don't threaten me like that."</p><p>Jisung reaches for it instead anyway. Donghyuck coos at him, calling him a growing boy except he can<em> stop any day now please,</em> trying to keep the atmosphere light.</p><p>Thankfully Donghyuck makes it back to the dorm without suspicion.</p><p>He goes to look at the stars in the bathroom mirror, door securely locked behind him, but falters.</p><p>The Dream Show is tomorrow. He needs his head in that entirely — they've practiced hard, and Donghyuck will not be the one to falter because of personal troubles.</p><p>Turning away from the mirror, keeping his eyes up or even closed as best as he can while showering, he only catches an accidental glimpse. They're bright — brighter than just Mark's on his own, but he immediately snaps his eyes away.</p><p>He won't let himself be distracted by them. The less he looks at them, the less he'll focus on them, and that's what he needs to do.</p><p>The marks still feel like they're burning his chest as he lies in bed, but he stubbornly pulls his blanket up and rolls over, pressing his stomach and chest down into the bed. Smothering the feeling as best as he can.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He gets through the Dream Show, making sure to spare minimal thoughts to the soulmarks.</p><p>When it's all over, he finally lets himself look properly at the stars on his chest.</p><p>He holds his breath as he takes off his shirt, as he finally looks at the mirror to see his chest.</p><p>Three stars sit over the place of his heart. They're in a straight line, from the edge of his ribs, reaching his sternum. The glow of the stars cross over each other, making them look even brighter, even bigger.</p><p>Though he tried not to, he thinks he knows which ones belong to who. The way certain spots of his chest warmed when they touched him — not unpleasant, not even as he sweated through choreography.</p><p>His fingers come up to trace them, to press gently against them. To prove they're <em>real, </em>that Donghyuck's truly just screwed everything up.</p><p>Frustrated tears build in his eyes. He does his best to swipe at them, to stop the tears before they start — because Jaehyun will know, because Donghyuck can't get away with the way his cheeks flush, the way he gets bloated and <em>messy.</em></p><p>Turning the shower on, he steps under the warm spray. Lets himself see the glow catch the bathroom light, before the tears eventually start to fall.</p><p>Stupid. He's so fucking <em>stupid.</em></p><p>By the time he steps out, doing his best to hide his face from Jaehyun — who's thankfully more entertained on his phone for the moment, but will question Donghyuck about the show. Will look over and see the evidence that Donghyuck's not really doing okay.</p><p>He might be able to blame it on the show, but Jaehyun's frustratingly good at seeing through lies. He won't call them out, but Donghyuck <em>knows </em>he remembers them — keeps them locked away until he needs to use it.</p><p>Donghyuck does his best to fall asleep as fast as he can, not giving Jaehyun the chance to question him. It's not unusual for him to crash after concerts or performances at least, and that's what'll save him tonight.</p><p>He goes to sleep uneasily with thoughts racing, his heart feeling like it's thumping painfully against his chest, stomach still twisted in knots that won't unravel.</p><p>The sight of the three stars burns behind his eyelids, and he can only hope he doesn't dream tonight.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Donghyuck deals with it by — well. Not dealing with it, really.</p><p>There's not much else he can do. There's no chance he'll confront any of them. No way that he'll ever give any indication about his feelings.</p><p>He will <em>not </em>let things be ruined. He will not let himself hurt with the inevitable heartbreak.</p><p>So there's nothing he can do about the stars on his chest. There's nothing he <em>will </em>do.</p><p>Practice is going okay. It's easier with seventeen other members in the room at least. Easier to give small amounts of attention to Jaemin, Renjun and Jeno — just enough that they're not suspicious, but not enough that Donghyuck would usually give.</p><p>It's going okay.</p><p>Until Donghyuck lands on his right leg funny. Until he goes down in a heap, falling as a pain so sharp it shoots up his leg. Pain with so much intensity he can only gasp out, the scream caught in his throat.</p><p>"<em>Haechan-ah!"</em></p><p>He doesn't know whose voice it is, but it brings everyone's attention to him. He's on the ground — went down on his right side, and he curls up a little as pain overrides all thoughts for a few moments. The movement jostles his leg and the pain flares up, and he catches the next scream by gritting his teeth.</p><p>His eyes are scrunched shut, trying to breathe through the pain. Faintly, he feels someone's hand come to grip loosely on his shoulder.</p><p>"Hey, hey — Haechannie, what happened? What hurts?" It's Doyoung's voice that he focuses on, the closest to him.</p><p>Other noises come too, once he starts to tune into them. Chenle's faint, pained "<em>hyung." </em>Worried and confused mutterings, and Taeil telling some to get back, to give him some space. The shock is starting to fade away, but with it brings even more awareness to the pain.</p><p>His hands naturally try and stretch down, to cover the most painful area. His leg — fuck, his <em>leg.</em></p><p>His heart sinks. The pain isn't fading, not the sharp and quick way something sprains or pulls, something with a short resting and healing time.</p><p>He knows it's bad.</p><p>"Leg, my leg," he gasps out, and someone's hands come to intertwine into his, pulling them away from his leg. He glances to see that it's Jaemin, looking at him with wide, scared eyes.</p><p>"Which one?" Taeyong is beside him, crouching down and asking carefully. Donghyuck grits his teeth, and squeezing Jaemin's hands tightly as another small movement flares the pain up again.</p><p>"Right. My right one."</p><p>As Doyoung gently moves him so that Donghyuck's head can rest in his lap, one of their managers comes to crouch down beside him. "We'll get you to the hospital, okay? Do you think you can stand?"</p><p>Donghyuck takes a moment to assess himself. The others position themselves to help him up, but the moment he moves his leg he immediately falters, biting his lip down again.</p><p>He's pretty sure Jaemin's hands must be going numb, but Jaemin doesn't complain. Donghyuck can vaguely feel him rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of Donghyuck's hand comfortingly.</p><p>"I don't think so." He's upset — the fact that he's injured, that it feels bad enough that he won't be able to attend their next performance.</p><p>Potentially bad enough to miss the upcoming tour.</p><p>He's embarrassed now too, on the ground and surrounded by some of his members, with the rest ushered to the other side of the room.</p><p>Mark, Jeno, and Renjun are beside him too, and Donghyuck knows they were on the other side of the room — that they escaped the hyungs moving them back.</p><p>Taeyong looks around a moment, then his eyes land on someone. "Johnny-ah, come here."</p><p>Donghyuck groans, because now he's even more embarrassed knowing what's about to happen. Unfortunately, there's not any other alternative that comes to mind, unless his leg magically decides it can bear any weight.</p><p>Doyoung's hands are stroking through his hair, and he tilts his head back to encourage it. It's a nice distraction as Johnny hurries over, crouching down beside him.</p><p>"Hey, how're you going there Haechannie?" Johnny asks, and Donghyuck gives him a bitter smile.</p><p>"Ah you know, this is the best I've ever been. Obviously."</p><p>Johnny graciously gives him a laugh. Taeyong then interrupts to talk to Johnny, both of them debating with their manager the best way to get him to the car.</p><p>It's decided upon a bridal carry, because it's less likely to jolt his leg, and it'll be easier to get up from the ground with. Donghyuck sighs, muttering a few swear words due to the whole situation, but complies as Johnny moves an arm under his back.</p><p>When the other comes up under his knees, Donghyuck hisses with pain as he's moved slightly to get into an easier position. Reluctantly, Jaemin lets go of Donghyuck's hands so he can wrap his arms around Johnny's neck.</p><p>Johnny's careful as he stands. The others act as spotters, making sure Johnny doesn't accidentally unbalance or drop Donghyuck. Thankfully there's none of that, just a whole bunch of Donghyuck trying to swallow down his swears, or letting them slip through with hissed painful breaths.</p><p>Their manager moves ahead of them, and Johnny carefully readjusts him before following. Taeyong tells Doyoung to make sure everyone's all good, to organise them and dismiss them from practice.</p><p>Mark, Renjun, Jaemin and Jeno make to follow, but Donghyuck hears Taeyong stop them.</p><p>"You're not coming, I'm sorry. It's late, you guys. We could be there a while, and it's better for you to stay here. There's not enough room in the car anyway," Taeyong tells them. Donghyuck manages to look back, seeing Jeno's stony face. Looking like, for the first time, he's about to argue with Taeyong. Mark looks similarly, and Donghyuck almost wants to stay around to see <em>that.</em></p><p>Renjun's looking the same, but he glances over to see Donghyuck. His frustration is clear, but there's obvious concern when he meets Donghyuck's eyes. Donghyuck gives him the best smile he can muster, even though he knows it's tense with pain, and makes sure to look over at Jaemin too, who's watching carefully.</p><p>Jaemin's eyes widen for a fraction, and that's all Donghyuck sees as he's taken out of the room, the practice room door shutting behind them.</p><p>Thankfully the car isn't too far from the practice room, but it does take one tense elevator ride down. He knows Johnny is starting to struggle, and though Donghyuck offers to go down, Johnny refuses.</p><p>"Let's not risk it, okay? You can hobble from the car to the hospital, so that way if you trip at least you're already there," Johnny says, and Donghyuck huffs.</p><p>Their manager opens the car's back door, and Johnny eases him as best as he can to lie across the seats. It's an effort, and unfortunately Donghyuck's leg is not spared from the pain of jostling it around to try and seat himself.</p><p>"Sorry, sorry," Johnny keeps apologising, though he's doing his best to make sure Donghyuck's comfortable on the backseat.</p><p>"Not your fault it's hurting," Donghyuck grunts out.</p><p>Johnny looks up at him seriously. "And it's not yours, either. Don't beat yourself up about this, okay? Accidents happen. They suck, but they happen, and nothing you do now can go back and change that. You can only focus on getting better."</p><p>Donghyuck's saved from answering by Taeyong appearing on the other side of the car. Johnny steps back so Taeyong can step up. He's got a bundle of jackets in his arms, and he carefully places them under Donghyuck's leg to give his left some cushioning from the seat.</p><p>"Your same-aged friends basically drowned me in these," Taeyong tells him, making sure Donghyuck's leg is as supported as it's going to get in the backseat of the car. "I think it's their payback for not allowing them to come."</p><p>Taeyong also hands him his phone, which he left on the floor of the practice room.</p><p>Johnny's come around to his side, resting a hand on Donghyuck's nape. "You'll be fine, okay? Focus on getting better now."</p><p>Taeyong gets into the passenger seat as their manager starts the car.</p><p>"Ah, hyung, you didn't need to come," Donghyuck quietly says, but Taeyong turns back to smile gently at him.</p><p>"I'd prefer to. Honestly. Besides, hospitals can be boring. You'll need someone to nag, right?"</p><p>Donghyuck hums, thankful that Taeyong is coming, but feeling guilty too. There's a lot of preparations going into their performance, and if Donghyuck isn't cleared for it, then they'll be forced to change formations — which is just extra work for everyone involved.</p><p>His phone is going off with messages. The Dream groupchat is demanding he keeps them updated, that he takes care of himself, that he makes sure Taeyong looks after him. A few other members have messaged Donghyuck too, asking how he's going.</p><p>He doesn't reply to any. Not yet, anyway.</p><p>Getting out of the car is another struggle. Donghyuck's able to stand on his left leg, his weight resting on Taeyong and his manager so that he can hop inside the hospital.</p><p>As soon as his injury is explained, he's placed onto a bed while they wait for the doctor. Taeyong walks out, then comes back in with two jackets — one is Donghyuck's own, the one he took off during practice, and the other is Jeno's.</p><p>Jeno's was possibly chosen because it’s the biggest and has the most padding. Taeyong helps him into his own, the chill from outside still wrapped around him, and drapes Jeno's over his chest.</p><p>Donghyuck sighs with heavy frustration. Taeyong carefully sits at the foot of his bed so that their manager has the one chair nearby.</p><p>Time goes by slowly. He's definitely glad for Taeyong's presence now, keeping up light conversation with him so that he's not entirely bored.</p><p>"Have you told your parents yet, Haechannie?" Taeyong asks at one point, and Donghyuck's fingers tap against the phone he's got resting on his chest.</p><p>"Not yet. I'll wait until we know what's happened. They can't come anyway, so I don't want to worry them," he replies honestly.</p><p>His phone continues to buzz against his chest, and Donghyuck puts it on mute. He'll reply to everyone once he's gotten the results of his injury.</p><p>Doctors come by and their manager explains the situation. They take off his shoe and roll up his pants, gently examining the leg. They decide on a scan, and Taeyong reaches out — now standing beside him — to hold his hand in comfort as they use a wheelchair to transport him.</p><p>The scan thankfully doesn't take long. And then they have the results, and though Donghyuck was bracing himself for bad news, it still makes his heart sink.</p><p>A fractured tibia. Weeks of recovery required, meaning a forceful break from dancing, from performing, for at least 2 or 3 months.</p><p>He takes in a sharp breath. The <em>tour. </em>The 127 Japan tour, and he's injured badly enough that he knows he'll be placed on a break from their activities.</p><p>Swallowing down his disappointment and frustrations, he tries to listen to the doctors explaining the recovery process. Desperate to try and find a way to make it any faster, to heal the injury any quicker so he can somehow get back to perform.</p><p>Guilt washes over him. They've already had to go through choreography and vocal line changes this year with the addition of Jungwoo, as well as Sicheng currently preparing for WayV.</p><p>Donghyuck being out simply means more changes, extra work for all his members and their management, and he feels terrible for it.</p><p>Taeyong's still holding his hand comfortingly. They prepare a cast for his leg, and give him a small dose of painkillers to help ease the discomfort.</p><p>Donghyuck's so incredibly frustrated. At himself, at his injury, at the stupid brace on his leg. At the crutches now sitting against the wall.</p><p><em>Weeks. </em>Weeks to heal. Time Donghyuck doesn't want to give.</p><p>Their manager sorts out the discharge and any extra treatments and check-ups. Donghyuck feels frustrated tears burning at the corner of his eyes, and he hurriedly swipes his own eyes to stop them. He doesn't want to cry in front of Taeyong and make him feel any of the guilt Donghyuck is currently experiencing.</p><p>"It'll be fine, Haechannie," Taeyong soothes anyway, "these things happen, don't be too harsh on yourself. I know it's frustrating, but you'll be back with us before you know it."</p><p>Donghyuck stubbornly nods, sniffling just once.</p><p>And then, because Taeyong knows him well, turns to the side so he can bring up his other hand and rest it on Donghyuck's nape. "We'll be fine, we're all good at adapting now, so don't worry about us. Don't feel bad, okay? We're your hyungs, so let us take care of it."</p><p>Their manager comes back in, and they've got the all-clear to head back home. Their manager picks up Donghyuck's shoe that he can no longer put on thanks to the cast. Taeyong helps him stand with the crutches, staying close as Donghyuck works out how to move with them.</p><p>"If anyone gets too emotional about this, I'm giving them a solid whack with these," he tells Taeyong, waving one of the crutches around. Taeyong blanches a little as Donghyuck hops to keep balanced, but slips into a smile soon enough.</p><p>"That's fair," Taeyong replies, opening the passenger door for him. There's a bit more room in the front, and Donghyuck fumbles a little as he tries to work out how to sit down and place the crutches.</p><p>As they head back to the dorms, Donghyuck realises he hasn't replied to any messages. He winces, opening the chat for Dream, who have continued to try and get a response from him with a devolving sense of sanity.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>'sup bitches, I lived.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Immediately, he gets a call from Jeno. Surprised, he answers it, Taeyong and their manager quieting so he can talk in peace.</p><p>"Donghyuckie! Have you been seen to yet?" Jaemin's voice is the one that comes through the phone, and Donghyuck figures he's on speaker with the others crowded around.</p><p>"Yep, heading back to the dorm now," Donghyuck replies, gaze watching the buildings go by.</p><p>"Okay, and how'd it go?" Renjun prods, but Donghyuck hesitates to say the words. To say them aloud and have the others find out, to realise he won't be coming back for their promotions.</p><p>"Well, I'm in a cast and on crutches, and docs advised rest for... a while. I fractured my tibia, so. There's that, I guess."</p><p>Jeno makes a noise of sympathy. The others are silent though, and that's even worse.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Haechannie," Jaemin says to him, and Donghyuck's stomach twists.</p><p>"<em>You </em>didn't break my bone, did you? No? I didn't think so. Don't apologise. It's fine — I'll recover so quickly that doctors will be so impressed with me, and I'll be back into work soon enough."</p><p>"How long did they say to rest?" Renjun asks.</p><p>"Weeks. Six weeks give or take."</p><p>"Don't try and rush that, Haechannie." Though Jaemin's tone is teasing, Donghyuck knows it's a serious warning.</p><p>Chenle and Jisung suddenly come into the conversation, asking him what the hospital was like, what colour his cast is, if they can <em>please, pretty please </em>sign it.</p><p>Donghyuck warns them he's got a weapon to hit them with now, but Chenle just laughs.</p><p>"Hyung, it's not like you can chase after me if I steal them," Chenle jokes, and Donghyuck's mouth opens with surprise. Though he's glad someone is treating this with humour, because he's tired of feeling all the despair of tonight.</p><p>"Hey, you <em>brat! </em>Where's the respect for your poor, pitiful hyung?"</p><p>"Pitiful? Please, like you'd ever let yourself be," Chenle retorts. Jeno sighs heavily, and cuts in before Donghyuck can scathingly reply.</p><p>"We'll come around tomorrow if you want," Jeno offers, and Donghyuck tuts. The offer sends a familiar rush of comforting warmth through his chest, a reminder of how much he loves Jeno. He'll take it in tonight — he won't let himself feel guilty for loving Jeno because damnit, he's injured, and he'll let himself be comforted tonight.</p><p>"I'm not <em>dying. </em>I'm just hopping around is all," Donghyuck replies.</p><p>"You better <em>not be hopping around, Lee Donghyuck!" </em>Jaemin threatens. "You're meant to be <em>resting."</em></p><p>Donghyuck can't help but laugh. "Well, they gave me crutches to help hop around. So, doc's orders to go hopping around."</p><p>"Crutches are still part of you being able to <em>rest and recover."</em></p><p>"What's the point of them if I'm not doing fun tricks? It's not like breaking a leg is really a danger anymore."</p><p>"You have <em>two legs, </em>Donghyuck. You can break the other, oh my god."</p><p>Renjun cuts in before Donghyuck can wind up Jaemin any more. "Make sure to show me the backflip with them once you get it. Ah, Nana— <em>Ouch. </em>Okay, Haechannie, we'll see you tomorrow, gotta run bye!"</p><p>The phone hangs up on him, and Donghyuck lets out a disbelieving but all-too-fond laugh.</p><p>Their manager picks up the conversation in the following silence. "I'll talk to the company tomorrow. We'll probably have to talk to SBS about Gayo Daejun, then we'll be releasing a statement. On your end, we'll figure out how to go about treatment, and as you're now effectively on a medical leave, you'll probably be able to head home and rest there."</p><p>It's a weird mix of guilt and — not quite relief, but there's something exciting about being home with his family for Christmas, for the New Years.</p><p>The circumstances are less than ideal though. Donghyuck was excited for their performances, and the opportunity for them has now been taken out of his hands without any choice.</p><p>When they get back to their dorms, it's another round of trying to figure out how to function with the new addition of crutches. Getting out of the car is easier with Taeyong helping him, passing him the crutches as he rights himself.</p><p>"Oh," Donghyuck realises something suddenly, standing in the elevator. "I forgot to reply to most of them tonight."</p><p>He'd immediately gone to the Dream group chat, and then his focus had been on the call, then the following conversation with his manager.</p><p>Taeyong hums. "I already texted the groupchat, don't worry."</p><p>When they enter the dorm, Donghyuck immediately realises he's doomed. He has to take off his other shoe now, and he huffs with frustration.</p><p>Too many things seem daunting, suddenly. Bending over. Sitting down on the ground. Taking off his shoes. God — he should shower too, but it's late now, and Donghyuck's too tired and still in enough pain to decide it's just not important enough to deal with tonight.</p><p>He stands in the doorway for a moment, unsure of what to do about his shoe. He can't put weight down on his right leg to lift his left. Doesn't want to sit down entirely on the ground, because he feels like it's going to be a whole effort to get back up.</p><p>Thankfully, Taeil comes over to the doorway with a chair, taking Donghyuck's crutches so he can sit down. Taeyong bends down to untie his shoe for him, slipping it off and placing it down with the other one their manager gave him.</p><p>They help him stand up again, and Taeil seems to debate for a moment before deciding to leave the chair at the doorway. One of them is bound to trip on it at some point, but Taeil laughs off his warning.</p><p>Most of them come out of their rooms with Donghyuck's arrival. There's a few sympathetic winces when they see his cast — big and bulky and a clear sign he won't be healed in time for the end of year.</p><p>They do his best to lift his spirits, saying he'll now have the time to play all the games he wants, to get some needed rest. But they all know Donghyuck would rather be fine, would rather be up on stage with them.</p><p>With the late hour, they all start heading to bed. Jaehyun tries to help make him comfortable, but Donghyuck has no idea how he's going to sleep well with the cast on his leg regardless. Still, Jaehyun's help definitely makes it a bit easier, and he falls asleep with disappointment and regret sitting heavily in his stomach.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, before the official statement is released, Donghyuck calls his parents.</p><p>They're upset for him, knowing how excited he was to perform at the shows for the end of year. They promise they'll have his bed ready, as well as his favourite meals for when he's ready to come home.</p><p>Once the official statement is released, Donghyuck lets himself get lost for a while in the fan's reactions. Their disappointment and worry, and all their well wishes for his fast recovery.</p><p>Dream come by the dorm, breaking him away from all the comments. They've brought food, as well as their own markers to draw on his cast — which work significantly better than the hyungs’ attempts with ball-point pens and pencils lying around the dorm.</p><p>Jisung and Renjun take to scribbling various little characters over the cast. The stark white of the cast slowly turns into a barrage of bright colours, and Donghyuck's grateful for it.</p><p>Jaemin's also scattered green hearts across the cast, and Donghyuck's fingers trace over them until Renjun's hands bat him away for being a disturbance to his own artwork.</p><p>"I'm going back home," he tells them. It's not a surprise for any of them, but they still have an immediate reaction of looking upset by the news.</p><p>They do their best to cover it, determined to keep a happier atmosphere for him.</p><p>"You better eat everything your parents give you," Jaemin coos, reaching up to squeeze his cheeks.</p><p>Donghyuck pouts. "If I do that then I'll come <em>rolling </em>back."</p><p>"Good, eating well means more strength for a faster recovery," Renjun replies. Jeno's patting the top of Donghyuck's head in agreement, and Donghyuck shakes the top of his head partly in disagreement, mostly to just dislodge his hand to annoy him.</p><p>"Your cheeks are so <em>cute, </em>you better come back with them even cuter." Jaemin goes to reach for his cheeks again, and Donghyuck puffs them out purposely so Jaemin struggles to squeeze them.</p><p>Mark comes into the room at one stage, sitting around with them. He goes over his own small message on Donghyuck's cast with the markers, and Donghyuck gets him to take photos of some of the messages he's having trouble seeing. The cast will come off soon enough, but Donghyuck's already too fond of all the drawings on it.</p><p>Eventually they have to go, leaving Donghyuck in his room. They wrap him in hugs, comforting touches and reassuring words to part with.</p><p>"Message us when you're leaving. Keep us up to date, okay?" Jeno says quietly — basically ordering him to, and Donghyuck promises he will. Jeno looks relieved, squeezing his shoulder, giving Donghyuck a look he can't quite decipher.</p><p>Now that they're gone, Donghyuck feels an ache sitting in his chest. It's close friends with loneliness, close to <em>longing, </em>and he lies down properly on his bed.</p><p>Not like there's much else to do other than rest anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>His parents meet him at the airport, rushing towards him the second he steps out of the gate. They both surround him with a hug, even though it's slightly awkward with his crutches, and he sinks into their warmth.</p><p>He's really missed them. This is the one upside to the injury, and he'll let himself enjoy it.</p><p>They step back and start to fuss over his leg. It's changed from a cast to a brace, making it easier to travel with, but only with strict warnings not to overdo any activities.</p><p>His dad gets his luggage for him, and they usher him into the car. His siblings stayed home, lacking the room between Donghyuck's leg needing space and his luggage.</p><p>They ask him how the flight was, how he's been going, how his members are. They know Donghyuck's been upset over Mark's graduation from Dream, is bitterly disappointed about missing the final stages for NCT 2018, so they're careful and very sympathetic with him.</p><p>God, he's missed them so much.</p><p>They talk often, and Donghyuck saw them not too long ago either, but it feels different now. It's not rushed visits between schedules, after concerts. It's being able to go <em>home, </em>and staying there for more than just a night or two.</p><p>When they get home, his siblings rush at him at the doorway. His sister punches him in the arm, calling him an idiot, and he immediately tries to kick her because — well, she's not wrong apparently.</p><p>When he sees his youngest brother, Donghyuck's mouth drops, then widens into a large smile. It's warm in their house, and his brother's sleeves are pushed up to his elbows. There, Donghyuck can see all the stars decorating them.</p><p>"Wow," he says, because it's all he can manage right now. "Wow, you're— Wow. Really a galaxy, huh?"</p><p>His brother shows them off proudly, turning his arms over so Donghyuck can see them.</p><p>And then, because Donghyuck feels himself swallowing past a lump in his throat and he will <em>not </em>let his younger siblings see weakness, he adds "You're basically a glow-in-the-dark lamp."</p><p>His brother reaches out to punch him, and Donghyuck immediately starts to whine because now that's two out of three that have done so. His parents laugh, getting his brother to get him a chair so he can take off his shoes at the door.</p><p>His siblings hover around him, and Donghyuck's glad because he's missed them too, despite the fact they're definitely working against him because he's the oldest.</p><p>They share a large meal, his mum continuously adding to his plate even as he starts to complain he's full. She starts to complain that he looks too thin, and they whinge back and forth at each other until his sister steps in to just eat the remainders on his plate.</p><p>Settling down into bed later that night, his sister comes in to disturb him as he's messaging the Dream group chat that he's back home and in bed.</p><p>"So," she says, sitting at the end of his bed. "Which one are you in love with?"</p><p>He splutters immediately. He hasn't told his family about his soulmarks — not even Mark's, and certainly not the three fairly recent developments.</p><p>"What the hell? None of them, oh my god," he denies as soon as he's recovered. He tries to kick her off the bed, but there's only so much he can do with one properly functioning leg.</p><p>His sister remains undeterred. "See, I used to think it was Mark—"</p><p>Something gives in his face, and her eyes widen and her mouth dips into a surprised smile. "Ah, so it is? Hm, no. <em>Was? </em>That makes sense actually."</p><p>He reaches back to throw a pillow at her, placing his phone down so it won't be damaged in the soon-to-be scuffle. "God, shut up."</p><p>"Is it Jaehyun? He's cute, you're roommates, so it follows the pattern of Mark..."</p><p>"It's not Jaehyun," he replies, then realises his mistake.</p><p>His sister lights up with delight. "Ah! So you admit it's <em>someone! </em>Okay, hang on, let's go through all of the names..."</p><p>Donghyuck tries to reach for the pillow he previously threw, either to smother his sister or even himself at this rate, but she keeps it out of his reach. She lists off the names, starting from eldest, and Donghyuck's heart pounds as she gets close to listing Dream.</p><p>"Jungwoo? Really, no? He's funny, I like him. Okay so it's not Mark anymore. Renjun—"</p><p>He finally manages to reach the pillow, ignoring the twinge in his leg because he's definitely moved it more than he should have.</p><p>"Shut! Up!" He whacks her twice with the pillow to emphasise his words. She falls back laughing, managing to grab the pillow again and keep it from Donghyuck's grasp.</p><p>"Renjun! It's Renjun, oh my god, that's makes <em>perfect sense—"</em></p><p>"No it doesn't, you're making up shit! I don't like <em>anyone, </em>stop being so goddamn nosey."</p><p>His sister, still careful of his leg, reaches up to tickle at his sides. "Donghyuck and Renjun, sitting in a tree-"</p><p>"How <em>old </em>are you-"</p><p>"K-I-"</p><p>"<em>Shut up </em>before mum and dad hear you, oh my god-"</p><p>His sister does quieten a little with the warning, with Donghyuck's obvious panic in his voice. Her fingers still reach up to his sides, but he's unable to roll away because of his leg.</p><p>His sister suddenly sits back on her heels.</p><p>"Oh," she says quietly, realising something.</p><p>Donghyuck realises in the same moment that his shirt has dipped. He's purposely wearing loose clothes — easier to get in and out of with a leg down, but it means the collar has dipped down to reveal his chest.</p><p>"It's not just Renjun," she figures out, voice coloured with shock.</p><p>Donghyuck burns with shame. He tugs his shirt back up, doing his best to turn away so he doesn't need to see his sister begin to freak out. To realise he's in love with not only one, but <em>three </em>of his members.</p><p>"Get out," he tells her coldly.</p><p>"Donghyuck..." she trails off. A hand comes up to rest on his other leg. "I'm sorry."</p><p>He sighs heavily. "Just get out."</p><p>She hesitates, but stands up. Hovering in the doorway, she seems to fumble for her words. "It's — Donghyuck. Just... It's okay, you know?"</p><p>He grunts at her, done with the conversation. She slips out the room, shutting the door behind her.</p><p>It leaves him feeling on edge. They get over it in the way siblings usually do — by ignoring that the fight ever happened, and continuing to fight about petty things only to make up ten minutes later to talk about something.</p><p>But he catches his sister glancing at his chest a few times. It's a gaze laced with sympathy and pity, and he hates it.</p><p>Something's been burning in his stomach. A mixture of guilt, shame, embarrassment, frustrations.</p><p>He gets photos from his members while they’re backstage at events. Watches their performances on the television, his family sitting down around him and watching too. They <em>ooh </em>and <em>ahh, </em>praising Donghyuck's group endlessly, cheering for Donghyuck when they win awards.</p><p>He's proud. Just because he's out for these awards doesn't mean he wasn't part of the success too, and Taeyong reaffirms that after calling him after one of the shows.</p><p>But he's so, so frustrated.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He's been messaging with the others quite a bit, wishing them well for Christmas and the New Years, but he gets a video call for the first time two days after New Years.</p><p>It's late at night, and Donghyuck's face scrunches in confusion. Renjun's contact is on his lock screen, requesting a video call.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah!" Renjun drawls out, a grin lighting up his face as Donghyuck appears. "I'm sorry if I woke you, I only just got home."</p><p>Something's a little off about Renjun, Donghyuck thinks. He's showing his affections too easily — smiling too widely, clearly excited to see Donghyuck. His cheeks are flushed red too, and Donghyuck’s starting to piece together why.</p><p>"It's fine, I was up. What's going on?" He asks, suspicious.</p><p>"Just wanted to see you! Miss your dumb face," Renjun replies.</p><p>Donghyuck's suspicions only grow. "You're drunk, aren't you?"</p><p>Renjun smiles sheepishly. "Only a little bit."</p><p>"Right," Donghyuck draws out the word. "So, did you go out drinking with anyone?"</p><p>"Mhm. Mark took us out to celebrate."</p><p>"Us?" Donghyuck asks, but he already knows the answer. It sits heavily on his chest.</p><p>They had joked about this a while ago, hadn't they? About Mark taking them out in the New Year to celebrate their legal drinking age.</p><p>Renjun's smile turns wistful. "Jaemin and Jeno. You should've come with us."</p><p>"I'm an hour away by <em>plane, </em>Injunnie. Besides, drinking and a broken leg do not sound ideal."</p><p>"I guess not," Renjun pouts. "You idiot, just had to go and break your leg. That's okay, we'll go out again once you're back and healthy, right?"</p><p>"Right."</p><p>"You promise?"</p><p>Donghyuck laughs. "Yeah, Injunnie. I promise."</p><p>His brothers, hearing he's on call with someone, barge into the room.</p><p>"Hey, you should all be asleep!" He tells them, but they just glare at him and move to get into the camera frame.</p><p>"Renjun-hyung!" they chant, and Renjun laughs sweetly at them, waving at the camera. He looks a little more put-together suddenly, not as flushed or stumbling over his words.</p><p>"You're doing your best to annoy Donghyuck, right? Some payback for all of us," Renjun is clearly teasing, and Donghyuck sticks out his tongue.</p><p>His sister has come to stand in the doorway, and is giving him a knowing look from the other side of the room. Donghyuck glances over at her a little helplessly, hoping she's not going to join the chaos.</p><p>Thankfully, she seems to take pity on him. She grabs their brothers, hauling them out of the room.</p><p>"Oh god," he tells Renjun, "I'll be making it up to her <em>forever."</em></p><p>Renjun's smile hasn't dimmed. "You have a great family, Donghyuck-ah. Really."</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes for show, but then says "Yeah. I know."</p><p>They talk for a bit, Renjun telling him about Mark somehow being the lightest weight of them all. The way he'd been so loud and talkative, endless energy as he dragged them around to some of his favourite places. Jaemin and Jeno had decided to remain out to get some dessert, but Renjun wanted to come back and talk to Donghyuck.</p><p>The confession makes his stomach dip, his heart race just a little.</p><p>Renjun's sitting in the main room of the Dream dorm. Behind him Donghyuck can see the front door, and the moment it opens to show Jeno and Jaemin.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin, who are pressed very, <em>very </em>closely.</p><p>They step back from each other as Jeno reaches back to push open the door properly. Jeno and Jaemin are purposely being as quiet as possible, shutting the door gently despite Renjun having his earphones in for the call.</p><p>They haven't properly realised Renjun's on a video call. Because Jaemin glances over quickly at Renjun, double checking his back is turned, and then he leans in and —</p><p>They're kissing.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are kissing each other.</p><p>"Oh," Donghyuck says, accidentally cutting off Renjun mid-sentence.</p><p>"Oh?" Renjun repeats, and Donghyuck just kind of flounders around for an answer.</p><p>Renjun finally turns, seeing the two by the door. They've stepped apart from each other, reaching down to take off their shoes, and it means Renjun hasn't seen it.</p><p>
  <em>Does he know? Does Renjun know they've gotten together?</em>
</p><p>Donghyuck's reminded all too harshly of the conversation with Renjun. The realisation that Jeno and Jaemin have decided what's worth it, that they've obviously made their decision with each other.</p><p>Donghyuck wasn't meant to see it. He isn't meant to know.</p><p>Something bitter creeps up. He's missing so much, and neither Jaemin or Jeno have talked to him about <em>anything </em>between each other. Obviously things have been progressing in the last couple of weeks, but Donghyuck hasn't been part of that.</p><p>And <em>if </em>Renjun knows, if Chenle or Jisung do too — then it's purposeful that Donghyuck was left out. Maybe because of pity, not wanting him to feel like he's missing out on more things while he's away.</p><p>But maybe they never intended to tell him. Maybe they never wanted him to know about them. Decided he wasn't important enough, or some other reason as to why he isn't privy to that.</p><p>He can't ask Renjun about it. There's a chance Jaemin and Jeno haven't told anyone, and Donghyuck won't be the one to mention it just in case.</p><p>"Hey guys!" Renjun says, a little too loudly. "I'm talking to Donghyuck."</p><p>"Oh so <em>that's</em> why you hurried home," Jaemin realises, glancing over again. When he spots Donghyuck on the screen he visibly lights up, and Donghyuck just isn't sure <em>what </em>to feel right now.</p><p>"Haechannie! We miss you so much," Jaemin cries out dramatically, and Donghyuck can definitely tell he's pretty drunk too. It's probably the only reason he hasn't realised that Donghyuck could've caught a glimpse of him with Jeno.</p><p>Jeno hurries into the frame too, excited to see him.</p><p>Despite the scene playing behind his eyelids, his mind a constant loop of <em>Jeno and Jaemin kissed, </em>he's still so happy to see them.</p><p>But something aches in his chest, and he can't quite push past the thought of Jeno and Jaemin. He ends the call sooner than any of them are probably expecting, saying he's tired and is all too ready for sleep.</p><p>Renjun frowns at him, a little too knowingly, but Donghyuck doesn't want to be pushed tonight. He dodges their questions and concerns and hangs up the call.</p><p>The image of Jeno and Jaemin sits behind his eyelids as he tries to sleep.</p><p>Not for the first time since he's returned to Jeju, he doesn't sleep well.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>His frustrations build and build over the days.</p><p>Renjun and Jeno message a fair amount, but it's Jaemin that messages him frequently — more than he ever usually does, and it's honestly not helping Donghyuck's mess of emotions.</p><p>He's glad he's getting updated frequently on the member's activities, but it's also too much of a reminder that he's not there with them.</p><p>His chest has been aching a little. Not so much to do with the soulmarks, but his heart's just a mess in general, and the pressure just continues to build.</p><p>It builds until he can't hold it anymore. He's been irritable, snappy at his siblings when they annoy him just a little too much.</p><p>Jaemin messages how his day is going, and Donghyuck doesn't check his temper in time. He's so frustrated at not being able to <em>do </em>anything, how everyone's treating him so carefully, everyone always just asking <em>how he's going, how he's feeling.</em></p><p>
  <em> <strong>same as always Nana, stop asking. Surely you have better things to do like talking to Jeno or something.</strong> </em>
</p><p>He hits send, throws his phone down on the other side of the bed — watches as it bounces and falls off the edge, only frustrating him further.</p><p>The realisation of what he’s sent to Jaemin makes him freeze. The anger that had risen suddenly washes away, shame quickly rising to take over.</p><p>"Oh, <em>fuck," </em>he says to himself. "<em>Fuck."</em></p><p>His phone starts to vibrate with a call, and Donghyuck is so frozen with shame he doesn't move. Just watches it on the ground, buzzing screen-down on the floorboards, out of reach.</p><p>The vibrations stop.</p><p>And then they start again, the caller persistent. Donghyuck has good reason to suspect it's Jaemin, and knows he won't give up until Donghyuck answers.</p><p>By the time he's able to carefully position himself to reach for the phone and lie back in a secure position, Jaemin's calling him for the third time.</p><p>He answers it, apologies immediately spilling from his lips, desperate to try and take back his words. "Nana I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry, really-"</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Jaemin says gently, cutting into his ramblings. He doesn't sound mad at all, just all too understanding, and Donghyuck feels even more ashamed. "It's okay. I get it."</p><p>Of course he does.</p><p>Jaemin had been away for over a <em>year. </em>Missed not only performances, but comebacks too.</p><p>Donghyuck, in relative terms, will only be on break for a short time. Not once did Jaemin get snarky with them, or show the same frustrations Donghyuck has.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Donghyuck repeats. Jaemin just lets out a sigh.</p><p>"Really, don't be. I get it — I've been there. I was mad too. It's just that... Ah. Well, Jeno was the one who was on the other end."</p><p>Jaemin seems hesitant to say Jeno's name, and Donghyuck's guilt flares up again.</p><p>"It was stupid of me to bring in Jeno, I'm sorry. I just... I don't even know why I said that."</p><p>Well, he <em>does — </em>but he's certainly not going to bring it up. Regardless, he feels shameful for the way he handled his words, for dragging in Jeno who's been nothing but kind to him lately.</p><p>"It's fine, Donghyuckie. Really. We just want to make sure you're okay. We miss you too, you know?" Jaemin says, and Donghyuck swallows around something thick in his throat suddenly.</p><p>It's too sincere. It makes his heart race, something stupid like hope blooming in his chest despite the fact he's been brutally beating it down, telling himself <em>Jeno and Jaemin are together, and happy, and you will not ruin things for them.</em></p><p>Desperate to change the atmosphere so nothing slips through, he gives a laugh. "Of course you do. I'm the funniest one around, of course I'll be missed."</p><p>Jaemin's quiet on the other end. It makes Donghyuck feel like he's done something wrong, like he's frustrated Jaemin, but before he can try and take his words back, Jaemin speaks up. "Listen, it's painful trying to listen to Mark be the funny one. Seriously, come back to us soon before Renjun decides to tape his lips together."</p><p>"Well, with <em>that </em>threat maybe I'll take my time, actually."</p><p>Their conversation is light after that, but Donghyuck still feels like he's misplaced his words again. Jaemin is purposely keeping it casual, not letting either of them delve into anything deeper again, and the conversation runs dry soon enough.</p><p>Donghyuck's still reluctant to say goodbye, because it really is nice to hear Jaemin's voice, but knows he has to. His heart is suffering under too many emotions, and he finally ends the conversation.</p><p>Heart heavy, he puts his phone face down on his table and turns it off entirely. Better than saying anything stupid again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, the sun is shining through the windows. It's been cold and cloudy, and though it's still cold, the sun is shining into his room.</p><p>It's easier to shower with just the brace, but he still struggles with staying balanced properly. It still hurts to put down weight on his leg, so it's an awkward game of trying to stay balanced on one foot and <em>not </em>slip as he moves around.</p><p>Because it's easier to get changed in his room, he makes sure the hallway is clear before heading back. He gets his pants on first, then hops over to get a shirt.</p><p>He passes the window, and looks down to see the stars are glowing golden in the sunlight.</p><p>Breathless with the sight, the thought of what he was doing leaves his mind entirely. He's seen them glow silver, glow with the reflections of different lights, but he's never quite seen them glow <em>golden.</em></p><p>They look so gorgeous, so breathtaking, and Donghyuck reaches up with a tentative hand to press gently against them. He's never seen them in the sunlight, never given them a chance to be seen like this, and suddenly he's remorseful because of it.</p><p>He wishes he could've seen them like this earlier. To have more time to enjoy them, to admire how pretty they look on his skin.</p><p>Too entranced with them, he doesn't realise how close his right foot has come to resting on the ground. It hits him with a sudden jolt shooting up his leg, and he cries out in pain. He immediately lifts his leg, but he unbalances because of it.</p><p>Struggling to right himself in time, he only just manages to save himself as his sister opens up the door.</p><p>"You good?" She asks, concerned, hands reaching out for him.</p><p>"Yeah," he replies breathlessly, "just had a moment. I'm good."</p><p>Her eyes flicker down to the stars as he turns to her, and he quickly reaches out for a shirt. He has to sit back down on his bed to get it on properly, and his sister remains at the doorway, now looking pointedly out the window.</p><p>"They're pretty." Her voice is quiet, careful not to be overheard.</p><p>He hums in agreement, disappointed now to cover up the marks. He probably won't get the chance to ever properly show them off, to let them see the sunlight, but he'd rather not answer the questions from his family about them right now.</p><p>"It's Jaemin and Jeno as well, isn't it?" She's still quiet, politely inquisitive, and he tilts his head back to look at her properly.</p><p>"That obvious?"</p><p>She grins at him. "Well, it makes sense."</p><p>"Say that to me <em>one more time-"</em></p><p>She leaves his room with a smug grin still on her face, and he really has no choice but to let it go.</p><p>The thoughts of the three stars on his chest cloud his mind. He's barely unable to think past them, unable to think of anything but how nice they looked, and it's clear he's distracted.</p><p>His mum asks if he's feeling okay, and he manages to cover it with being disappointed about missing something with the members. His sister is eyeing him off, but he ignores her.</p><p>The concert dates are looming closer, and Donghyuck's been restless. Working out with his manager to try and work out if he can perform, even if it's just to sit down and appear at some points.</p><p>He's desperate to focus on <em>something. </em>Being at home is nice and relaxing, but without work his mind all too quickly delves to how much he <em>misses </em>it, how much he misses his members, and of course it quickly derails to the marks on his chest.</p><p>Finally, he gets approval to perform for one of the concerts. Well, to get on the stage at least — just confined to a chair, where he's strictly to remain for his appearances.</p><p>It's better than nothing though, and Donghyuck takes it gladly. His parents fret, but they're relieved for him too, knowing how much he wanted to perform. He'll be back to rest due to the breaks in the tour, dates he can't make.</p><p>Still, it's good. He quietly comes back to the dorm, intending on it being a surprise to all — except Taeyong who’s helped things get ready with management — which it certainly is. The members in his dorm yell out in shock, then excitedly crowd around him, mindful of his injury. He's still on crutches, so it's hard to miss it.</p><p>"Dude!" Mark's smiling at him, hands fluttering around like he's unsure of what to do with them. "You're back! You didn't tell us! Wait, <em>why </em>are you back though?"</p><p>Now it's Donghyuck's turn to grin. "I'm making an appearance in our concert, obviously."</p><p>Mark's jaw drops. "<em>You're what?"</em></p><p>"He'll join us for Seoul," Taeyong steps in to explain. "Just sitting down for the moment. But he's been cleared for that, and we're working it all out."</p><p>There's not many days to figure it out. It'll be a bit of a scramble, but Donghyuck's reassured he's a very welcome addition, that he'll make the fans happy too, so he's okay with how hectic everything feels.</p><p>Everything still feels a little unreal, <em>finally </em>able to get on stage — even if it's only once, even if it'll take him another few weeks to heal enough to join the rest of the tour. He goes to practice with the rest of them that night, though he's unable to do anything but sit and watch as they work out where he can come in for.</p><p>He's so swept up in it he forgets to message the Dream chat, to finally spoil the surprise that he's returned.</p><p>Mark does it anyway, realising Donghyuck hasn't messaged the chat. He waits until the following morning, because they finish up with practice rather late, to capture a photo of Donghyuck coming out of his room.</p><p>"Why're you taking photos of me?" He grumbles, having just woken up. He's truly thinking about falling right back asleep on the couch — he woke up earlier than usual, and he's regretting it.</p><p>"Because they won't believe me otherwise," Mark replies, and Donghyuck takes a second to figure out who he's talking about.</p><p>"I forgot to tell them," he realises with horror, because oh <em>god </em>Renjun is going to kill him for that. Donghyuck would've realised at some point today that he forgot, but now he's thrown into the realisation of it.</p><p>His phone buzzes in his hand, and he checks it to see the message from Mark appear in the groupchat.</p><p><em><strong>Guess who's back! </strong></em>He captions it, and Donghyuck groans.</p><p>"They'll kill me," Donghyuck whines, collapsing back on the coach. "I just got back, and I'm going to <em>die. </em>Mark-hyung, you've <em>murdered me."</em></p><p>"Just don't tell them you got back in yesterday," Mark replies, sitting down on the couch as well.</p><p>"They're going to <em>know," </em>Donghyuck stresses. He doesn't know how, but Chenle always knows too many things. "And that doesn't matter, they'll be mad I didn't tell them."</p><p>Mark just laughs at his unfortunate situation. Donghyuck's still just whining on the couch, not bothered to move, accepting his fate. He will die here.</p><p>The door opens, and Donghyuck stares death in the face.</p><p>It's to a mix of surprised, annoyed, and relieved Dream members. Hurrying to get their shoes off, they all head straight towards him.</p><p>"Why didn't you <em>tell us?" </em>Renjun asks, wrapping an arm around his neck. It's meant to be a gesture of ease and familiarity, but Donghyuck fears strangulation.</p><p>"I was going for a surprise," he answers, because that's the truth of it at least. It's just that he got too swept up with everything yesterday and forgot that he had even <em>made </em>it a surprise, that he hadn't told Dream — the members he always tells things to.</p><p>Chenle's staring at him unnervingly, meaning he's probably figured it out, but keeps his mouth shut about it.</p><p>He explains that he's back for the concert, just to participate as much as he's allowed to. He can see how happy they all are for him, because it's better than they probably hoped for at this rate with the Seoul dates.</p><p>After his quick explanation, Jaemin reaches forward to squish his cheeks, and Donghyuck squirms under the touch. Jaemin looks absolutely <em>delighted, </em>pleased to see his cheeks so full, and reaches down to kiss both his cheeks.</p><p>Donghyuck shoves him away, the familiar notion of always doing so whenever Jaemin's lips get a little too close. Jaemin keeps trying though, only to give up once Jeno has to properly pull him back so he can hug Donghyuck.</p><p>His stomach is fluttering, and he tries to ignore how fast his heart is beating. Maybe it was because he's had some time away, but everything now feels so much more intense under their gazes and their touches.</p><p>Chenle and Jisung start to lead the conversation, asking how Donghyuck's family are, how he feels to be back.</p><p>Conversation flows easily between them all, all of them excited to hear about Donghyuck's home, and excited to keep him up to date on their own adventures.</p><p>Donghyuck's somewhat distracted to say the least. Jeno's settled beside him on the couch, and Chenle's on his other side. Jaemin's pulled up a chair to sit on, and Donghyuck keeps managing to catch the glances he gives Jeno.</p><p>Well, it also might be because he's <em>looking </em>for them. Watching to see how Jeno and Jaemin are around each other, how obvious it appears.</p><p>It's not obvious. Not at all. It's really only because Donghyuck <em>knows </em>why they're glancing at each other, why they're sharing small smiles. But to anyone else, this is completely normal behaviour for them.</p><p>It's making his head spin a little, his heart ache, and he tries to pull himself out of focusing on the two of them together. Throws himself into other parts of the conversation, reacting dramatically, feeling almost satisfied with himself when he manages to break Jeno and Jaemin's glances at each other.</p><p>Eventually Dream has to leave the dorms, all of them coming up to Donghyuck and hugging him as they leave again. Telling him to take care of himself at the concert, but to make sure he has fun too.</p><p>When the concert day comes, he's a bundle of nerves and excitement. Bouncing up and down on his chair until he's scolded for it.</p><p>All too soon he's up on the stage, able to perform as much as he can. It passes by too quickly, a flurry of lights and fans and watching his members jump around and perform, but also coming up and looking after him.</p><p>After the concert, they all go out for a meal to celebrate the start of the concert, as well as his own appearance. He'll be heading home again as the others fly to Japan, and he's bitterly jealous about it. Disappointed that he won't be able to join them, that he'll have to miss their own concert.</p><p>His hyungs are excited he's back with them, even if just for the night. They pour out shots of soju, and Johnny's eyes light up with excitement the second he remembers Donghyuck can also now drink.</p><p>He doesn't have too many, all too aware of his injury, but has enough to feel a bit looser. A bit happier, easier to get lost in the excitement surrounding him.</p><p>Jeno messages him at some point in the night, saying he's happy Donghyuck got to perform up with them, and hopes he had a good time at the concert.</p><p>Mark's elbow suddenly nudges into his side. "What's up with that sour expression?"</p><p>Donghyuck pulls a face at him. "Just copying your usual face."</p><p>Mark scoffs, hitting him in the arm. "First of all, rude. Secondly, that was like, a <em>really </em>sour face. Who's got you so annoyed?"</p><p>Jeno's name almost slips from his lips, but he quickly realises that's not the best move. Because then he'd have to explain <em>why, </em>and Donghyuck's not about to explain to Mark why his heart is kind of broken <em>again.</em></p><p>"My sister," he replies instead, and Mark easily lets it go with an understanding nod.</p><p>He doesn't want to be rude to Jeno though, not with such a nice message, so he makes sure to send back some happy stickers. From that point on he silences his phone, keeping it out of mind.</p><p>The night passes quickly. Everything becomes a bit of a blur — from getting home, to the next couple of days. He gets a check-up on his leg, and though it's on the right path, unfortunately it'll take some more time until he can be cleared. They're hopeful he'll be out of the brace in the next couple of weeks, and can start easing into and building up for performances.</p><p>His members fly out to Japan without him, and he heads back home not long after. His days are passed by photos sent from members as they travel around Japan, keeping up to date with twitter and other socials, and the Dream members occasionally reaching out to him.</p><p>There's a day where his mum flicks at his forehead as he's lying in bed, scrolling through his conversations with Jaemin. He immediately starts to whine, covering the spot she flicked. "What was <em>that </em>for?"</p><p>"You're moping<em>. </em>It's an ugly look on you."</p><p>"I am not <em>moping. </em>And if I were, I think I have every right to mope a little."</p><p>"The kid I know doesn't feel sorry for himself." She sits at the end of his bed, hand resting on his leg. "In fact, the son I know takes every difficulty as a challenge, and he overcomes them every single time."</p><p>"I fractured my <em>leg, </em>mum. I can't really do anything but wait for it to heal."</p><p>She shakes her head. "A broken leg doesn't stop you from <em>singing, </em>does it?"</p><p>It hits him then. That he hasn't even been singing around the house — not casually, not even playfully with his siblings. He's been loud and talkative, but he hasn't been <em>singing.</em></p><p>She leans over to tap at his forehead. "I know you've got a mess going on up there. I know it's just not about your leg. But soon enough you'll be going back, and you'll be joining the tour overseas after missing activities for months. And I know you don't want to go back to your fans in <em>this </em>state."</p><p>"I'm not <em>that </em>bad," he complains. She smiles at him, ruffling his hair.</p><p>"You're a bit of a mess, my love. It's fine to be, but I know you, and I know you always want to try your best. So I'm just saying that whatever's going on, don't let it stop you from reaching all the achievements you desire."</p><p>She gets up to leave after that, leaving him with the words.</p><p>And when he lands back in Seoul two weeks later, he's determined to do his best to rejoin the tour.</p><p>He's finally cleared to have the brace off, but the physiotherapy is a whole new step. It aches when he's finally able to put his weight down on it, but soon enough he's back to walking properly.</p><p>From there, it's just a matter of building back up to dancing, and being able to withstand it for a whole concert.</p><p><em>Finally, </em>he's cleared to rejoin the tour. Warned not to overdo it, because he'll likely experience some aches as his muscles still aren't back to what they were. Still, it's enough for the end of the Japan leg. He won't be abroad long, will be back in Seoul before the leave for the North American leg, but the short trip is definitely still worth it.</p><p>It's a lot of work. A lot of choreography to go over, but his members help him out the entire time. Mark stays by his side and goes over step with him when he asks. Johnny stays close when Donghyuck's leg starts to ache — it's not awful, but it's enough to make him cautious, to try and keep the weight off it as he moves backstage throughout the concert.</p><p>All too soon it's over, and they fly back to Seoul. Donghyuck's just happy to officially be back to activities. Even though he knows he'll be needing to work on physiotherapy, the ache in his leg a reminder he's still not used to the strain of it with concerts.</p><p>Still, they have a couple of weeks before they fly out again, so he's optimistic it'll be completely healed and ready for concerts by then. Though they need to prepare for the Superhuman comeback, it shouldn't be strainful enough to worsen his injury. The day after they arrive back, Jeno messages him later in the day.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Hey, come over? 00 hangout.</strong> </em>
</p><p>The message is immediately suspicious, because that's <em>really </em>not the way any of them go about hanging out together. But despite the off-putting tone, Donghyuck easily agrees. He wasn't really able to see them before he left for Japan, and despite the fact he knows it'll ache to see them, he's missed them too much.</p><p>When he gets to the dorm, it's to Renjun sitting on the couch and giving Jeno and Jaemin suspicious looks.</p><p>When they notice Donghyuck's presence, Renjun's visibly relieved. The other two are happy to see him, but Donghyuck can tell there's an underlying tension. Something that's making Jeno and Jaemin nervous.</p><p>He has an idea of what it is, and his heart sinks. But he can't escape this, because Jaemin takes his hand and pulls him over to the couch to sit next to Renjun.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin remain standing, and Renjun leans into him.</p><p>"They're being weird," he whispers, but it's loud enough for both of them to obviously hear it.</p><p>Jeno visibly deflates a little, shoulders sagging forward, but straightens up after just a moment with resolve. Jaemin slides his hand into Jeno's — a standard thing between them all, but now Donghyuck's heart is pounding with something akin to fear.</p><p>"We wanted to tell you two together. In person. Sorry, Injunnie," Jaemin says quietly. Donghyuck's gaze shifts to Renjun, who narrows his eyes with thought before they widen, before it finally seems to click.</p><p>"Oh, you-"</p><p>"We're together," Jeno hurries out, accidentally cutting off Renjun with his outburst. Jaemin closes his eyes, a hand coming up to rub at his temple.</p><p>"So much for leading into that delicately," he sighs, and Jeno immediately turns sheepish.</p><p>They both look incredibly nervous. Donghyuck's seen them like this a few times — before evaluations, before their debut, before performances. But Donghyuck's never seen them this nervous <em>because </em>of Donghyuck and Renjun.</p><p>Donghyuck swallows around something thick in his throat, forcing his heart to <em>shut up. </em>They both look nervous to the point of being sick, and more than anything Donghyuck just wants to ease that right now.</p><p>"Well it's about <em>time," </em>he settles with. Jeno and Jaemin's eyes both widen with surprise.</p><p>Renjun recovers his footing. "Right. Well, we were wondering if you'd get together."</p><p>"You... wondered..." Jaemin trails off.</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. "Well, of course we did. We know you two so well, and if anyone knows the look of liking your member it's me, so."</p><p>Jeno still looks worried. "And you two aren't... mad about it? Or upset? We really wanted to tell you, but... we weren't sure about how serious everything was, and then we figured we didn't want to tell one of you without the other."</p><p>Renjun shakes his head, laughing a little. "No. No, definitely not mad about it. I'm happy for you two."</p><p>Donghyuck nods in agreement, because he's not sure his own words would be convincing. It's clear it's a huge relief for both of them though, their worried faces smoothing out into happy smiles.</p><p>Renjun asks them when they got together, and Jaemin rubs the back of his neck. "The night we went out drinking, actually."</p><p>Renjun's eyes light up. "Ah, so <em>that's </em>why you two stayed out."</p><p>Jeno seems to hesitate about something, looking like he wants to speak, but Donghyuck watches him talk himself out of it. He's curious, but it's clear Jeno isn't ready to bring it up.</p><p>"You're the only two we've told out of the members," Jeno says, but Donghyuck knows it's not what he was fighting himself to bring up.</p><p>Donghyuck mimes zipping his lips shut. "Your scandalous love affair is safe with me."</p><p>As soon as Renjun promises the same, Jaemin grins and throws himself over their laps, going to thank them by pressing kisses to their cheeks, but Renjun and Donghyuck work together to topple him off.</p><p>Donghyuck was bracing himself for this, maybe. Waiting for this moment.</p><p>Before he saw Jeno and Jaemin kissing even.</p><p>They were bound to come together at one point, Donghyuck thinks. He's been preparing for it for a while.</p><p>Still, it doesn't hurt any less. He does his best to stay around as long as he's able, not wanting his friends to see him being upset over this — not wanting them to think Donghyuck doesn't approve of their relationship.</p><p>He's happy for them. Truly.</p><p>It's just that his heart is a little broken, knowing two of the people he's in love with are together. It's all too heavy of a reminder that the stars on his chest are nothing but an ill-fated fantasy.</p><p>Following the conversation, Donghyuck throws himself readily into 127's comeback preparations, as well as the tour. There's recordings to be made for Dream with Boom's comeback too, and it's enough to keep him busy. Enough so that by the end of each day there's a deep exhaustion settled into his bones, and he can barely think beyond basic tasks. Makes it easier to push aside thoughts of his soulmarks entirely.</p><p>As Donghyuck boards his flight for Newark, the start of their North American leg, he thinks it's a good thing he's getting some space. It'll be good for him to get some distance — a whole country away with a completely different timezone.</p><p>It'll give his heart some space to breathe. For the marks on his chest to not feel so overbearing, overwhelmed with being so <em>close </em>to Jeno and Jaemin, with the knowledge that they're now together.</p><p>He can focus on the tour, with tight schedules and practices and performances, as well as filmed content throughout all their stops.</p><p>He's missed Dream's collaboration for Don't Need Your Love, but there's a few schedules with Dream crammed in the mid-year. He knows it'll come sooner than he expects, so he only has a couple months to really soak in the distance.</p><p>When they land, Donghyuck switches his phone on to be greeted with multiple messages. Some from his family wishing him a safe flight and to have a good time, and reminding him to make sure he calls when he can.</p><p>There's messages from Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun too. Renjun's sent him a photo from the airport, captioning it with a shocked face.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>You didn't say you were going silver! It looks really nice~ Have a safe flight!!</strong> </em>
</p><p>He's had silver for a few days now, but he realises he just hasn't seen Renjun since then. Jaemin and Jeno have similar messages too. Chenle's also sent him one, saying he's got a grandpa hair colour — but there's a following message to say he doesn't look half bad, so Donghyuck can tell he likes it.</p><p>He manages to send back a quick reply to them all before they're hurried into their transport for the hotel. Everything's a little hectic from there, everything now in full swing. Days filled with activities, places to go, and then the concerts.</p><p>And here's the thing: a tour bus is <em>not </em>an ideal place for privacy. It's a little crammed, everyone close together, and there's really not many places that are actually secluded.</p><p>It makes keeping his soulmarks hidden a fair bit of a challenge. He starts to become paranoid that his members will be able to see the glow of the stars when it's dark. He's constantly making sure to have his bed as secluded as possible, to make sure no clothing can slip down or ride up no matter where he is.</p><p>He asks the stylists with them for some coverings at some point. The specific type they use to cover up soulmarks for idols — specially designed, almost unnoticeable, which subdue the glow and cover the marks for a few hours. Enough for concerts at least.</p><p>It keeps him covered during their trip to the beach, with his shirt clinging to his skin and becoming see-through. No one notices then, thankfully.</p><p>Though he does his best with the tour bus, with everything else, there's a point where the days kind of blur together. Where he forgets to reapply the coverings, and they have to be up on stage shortly. Most of them are already waiting underneath the stage, and Donghyuck suddenly realises he hasn't got anything to hide his marks.</p><p>It only takes one shirt slipping or ripping, and his secret is on display for all. Barely thinking, he hurries over to where he knows the tape and scissors are kept. He doesn't have time to hunt around for the special covering, and can't waste time checking if it's in his own bag. He usually packs it, but he isn't sure if he did today, and he's not going to waste time looking.</p><p>There's no time to move rooms. Most of the stylists are busy reorganising things for the next time they come in for a costume change, and it's a team they work closely with, so Donghyuck's just going to have to trust they don't look at him — and if they do, that they say nothing.</p><p>He turns his back, quickly pushing up his shirt and keeping it up with his mouth. He's cutting a strip of the tape when suddenly there's Mark's voice behind him.</p><p>"Haechannie, what're you doing? Hurry up, they're about to call us to positions," he says, a hand resting on Donghyuck's shoulder.</p><p>Donghyuck can't give him a reply, just cuts the strip and places it over his chest. He cut it too short, meaning the glow can possibly come through on the sides, and he hurries to cut another.</p><p>He doesn't have the time, nor the hands or mouth available to stop Mark from coming around to his front, trying to see what's going on.</p><p>He still tries to cover Mark from seeing it, but Mark catches a glimpse. It's all too easy to understand anyway, with the damning tape in Donghyuck's hand.</p><p>Donghyuck's just trying to focus on getting the tape on correctly now, trying not to let panic completely overwhelm him. He <em>can't </em>freak out before a concert, and won't let himself. He's already missed enough concerts, he isn't going to risk another.</p><p>Mark reaches out and carefully takes the tape from his fingers. Donghyuck lets him, all too overwhelmed by everything, and Mark's hands are certainly much steadier than his own. Mark presses the tape down, then quickly gets another strip just to be certain.</p><p>"All good," he says, setting it down. Donghyuck drops his shirt and smooths it down, and then Mark grabs his wrist and pulls him along, both hurrying to get to their positions before the concert starts.</p><p>"It's not yours," Donghyuck stresses to him, <em>needing </em>him to know, thoughts whirling around in his head in a panic.</p><p>Mark squeezes his grip reassuringly. "I believe you. Don't worry, that tape isn't coming off anytime during the concert. So don't stress about it, just focus on the concert right now."</p><p>Their manager gives them a stern look, as does Taeyong, but Mark doesn't even acknowledge it. Just hurries to fit his mic on, and Donghyuck does the same.</p><p>He takes a deep breath, shakes out his fingers, and tells himself the tape is secure. There's no chance it'll be seen, no chance it'll be caught by cameras.</p><p>He steps on the stage, and makes sure only to focus on his performance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Annnnd I'm already starting on my next fic, which is either going to be renhyuck or nahyuck vigilante/hero au (ft a sprinkle of being friends outside the suits without realising e/o's identities), so,,, if anyone wants to come yell at me abt this or abt nct or honestly anything in general pls feel free to hit up my <a href="https://twitter.com/shiningstarhwa">twitter</a> :') &lt;3<br/>As always, kudos/bookmarks/comments are always heavily appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Literally what did I just say? I'm a bad bitch," he repeats the words in English, just so there's no confusion in Mark's mind about this. "I'll deal with it. I've gotten better at hiding my heart after you, anyway."</p><p>Mark looks very concerned with that statement, so Donghyuck cuts him off before he can start. "You cannot tell off the birthday boy, shut up. Let me pick this song."</p><p>When he does, he hears Mark's voice behind him. "Adele? Fuck, you're coping worse than I thought."</p><p>--</p><p>2019. A lot of things are realised.</p><p>He's just hoping Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun don't figure things out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Nearing the end! I'll upload the final chap on the 19th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's only a matter of time before Mark confronts him about it.</p><p>He gives Donghyuck until their final concert in the United States, when they're on their way to Toronto. There's a couple more days rest between them, and it gives them a chance to think beyond just the means of the concert.</p><p>There's messages waiting for him, calls he should probably make now that he has a bit more time and energy, but they sit at the back of his mind to do later.</p><p>He's not purposely avoiding Jeno, Jaemin or Renjun. He's <em>not. </em>It's just... he'll get back to them later, when he's not so tired. Besides, they've been busy too as they prepare for the 25th Dream Concert.</p><p>He's always disappointed to miss a schedule with Dream, guilty too, but he's almost used to it now. And right now, deep down, he's almost relieved about the fact he'll be away for a few more weeks.</p><p>America's been good for Donghyuck and Mark. It's been a lot of fun for Donghyuck to hang out with him, to have so many fond and exciting memories — not only just with Mark, but all his members too.</p><p>They're closer than ever, secure in their friendship with each other. There's been moments where they've snapped, tired and frustrated, but they're also too tired to hold onto the fight.</p><p>It's been good for Donghyuck to focus on 127. To get some distance away from the mess of emotions that his soulmarks bring, at the very least.</p><p>"So," Mark says, sitting cross-legged on his hotel bed. Taeil's gone out for the night, leaving them with some time. "I mean, you probably don't want to talk about it, but like... if you do, it'd be good to talk I think. Maybe. If you want to."</p><p>Donghyuck sighs, turning over in the bed he's lying on, holding his pillow close to his chest. "If we don't, I feel like you're going to be awkward about it."</p><p>Mark laughs nervously. "I don't want to pressure you to talk about it. It's not my business, honestly, I'm just asking as more of a concerned friend and like... checking in, I guess."</p><p>Donghyuck thinks he should feel weirder about this. Talking to Mark, his first ever soulmark, about the three currently sitting on his chest. </p><p>But Donghyuck and Mark are comfortable with each other, with revealing too much — and Donghyuck's always bared his soul for Mark anyway, hasn't he? Maybe it's not as weird, or as hard, as he thinks it is.</p><p>"I'm an idiot," Donghyuck finally settles on saying, glancing out the window of their hotel room. It's late at night, but Donghyuck entertains himself by looking over all the lights. "Honestly, you think I would've learned my lesson with <em>you."</em></p><p>"So... it <em>is </em>someone in our group?" Mark asks carefully, but doesn't sound surprised.</p><p>"Obviously."</p><p>"And it was more than one, right?"</p><p>"Three, because I <em>really </em>didn't learn my lesson."</p><p>"Ah." Mark leans back, tilting his head as he looks at Donghyuck. "Well, that's cool."</p><p>Donghyuck laughs, the sound brittle and dry. "Is it? Because now I'm set to get my heart broken — not just once, but possibly another <em>three times</em>. And then have three of my closest friendships ruined because I'm an <em>idiot.</em>"</p><p>Mark frowns at him. "Hey. Our friendship is fine now, even though I was soshitty for what I said back then. Besides, you don't <em>know </em>that you'll get your heart broken."</p><p>He almost challenges Mark to a bet on it, knowing he'll win. Because Jeno and Jaemin love <em>each other, </em>and there's no room for Donghyuck in that. And there's no chance in hell Renjun will ever view him the same.</p><p>"Maybe it'll go better this time," Donghyuck tells Mark, fingers picking at the corners of the pillow sheet. "I mean, you knew when I <em>bleughed</em> you, which — ew. They don't know, and if they never find out then our friendship will be fine, and I can figure out how to move on one day. Boom, everyone's happy."</p><p>Mark looks at him, shocked. "Uh, except you? That's literally a terrible plan."</p><p>"It's fitting for such a terrible move of <em>falling in love with three members at once," </em>Donghyuck replies with a small shrug.<em> "And </em>it's better than the one I had for you at least."</p><p>"Okay so then... what if they figure it out? Then what's your plan?"</p><p>"They <em>won't. </em>But let's say, unrealistically, they do, then the plan is simple. I wither away out of shame. I lose my hair with stress. I age fifty years in two days. I lose my voice so that I simply don't have to ever talk about being in love. I can no longer be an idol, and therefore I leave and go back home to Jeju and never see any of you losers again."</p><p>Mark nods. "Alright. Solid plan. But like, I think you'd hurt Jisung's feelings."</p><p>"A casualty of the battle that will be a heavy loss, but one that must be endured," Donghyuck says seriously.</p><p>Mark laughs, and the heavy feeling pressing down on Donghyuck's heart lifts a little.</p><p>"Seriously though," Mark speaks up after a few moments of peace between them, "I think maybe it's worth like, actually talking to them about it."</p><p>"Oh yeah? Telling <em>three </em>of my members I'm in love with them, I have been for a few months now — like that'll go over well. How greedy do I have to be to love <em>three? </em>It just won't work, Mark-hyung. It's not realistic."</p><p>"It's not greed," Mark shakes his head, looking over seriously at Donghyuck. "That just shows you have a lot of love, you know? There's nothing greedy about giving love."</p><p>Donghyuck's lips tilt up, but it's not a happy smile. He's just tired, now. Resigned to the idea it'll never work. "Are you sure about that? It's selfish of me, hyung. To put this pressure and burden on them if they ever found out. You know that well."</p><p>"It was never a burden to be loved by you, Donghyuck-ah. I promise. I was young and stupid and reacted badly, but I was always shocked you could love me, you know? You're so <em>bright </em>and full of life and love, and I am really... Honoured, I guess, to once be a soulmark for you."</p><p>Donghyuck pouts his lips out, widening his eyes and looking up to the ceiling because <em>damnit he will not cry. </em>Mark will feel too guilty, and the situation will just feel awkward and Donghyuck's just <em>not </em>having it.</p><p>"Change of topic. Right now<em>," </em>Donghyuck demands, puffing out his cheeks and swallowing down his tears before they can start.</p><p>Mark looks like he's about to actually argue it for a moment, but Donghyuck glares at him until Mark swallows nervously and tries for a smile. "Well uh, alright then. Oh, did you hear Jaehyun planned to film his cover in London and France?"</p><p>Thankfully, their conversation doesn't falter. And later, when Donghyuck's on the brink of sleep, he thinks over their entire talk with each other.</p><p>He realises that Mark never asked about <em>who </em>the soulmates were for. Donghyuck never told.</p><p>But it's clear Mark already knows.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They return home before their next leg of the tour. After a solid month of non-stop concerts and promotional events in America, he crashes out hard and sleeps for as much as he can the following day. The next couple of weeks will be dedicated mostly to 127's promotions, but the following days are dedicated to Dream for Boom.</p><p>He's had to miss the first day of filming for the music video, and is excited to jump into the following days. He's greeted back with hugs and hair ruffles, all exclaiming that he looks <em>good</em>. Jaemin particularly lathers it on to the point where Donghyuck has to push him away, embarrassed at the attention.</p><p>It hurts less than he expects, seeing Jaemin and Jeno together. More like an old ache now. Or maybe he's just too tired to let himself hurt.</p><p>He's done his best to learn the choreography while away. Jeno helps him go over the section he'll be filming, as he's only able to participate in the last section of it, and Donghyuck's thankful for Jeno's guidance.</p><p>There's a bit of downtime near the end of the shoots, and they're able to talk a fair bit on the set because of it.</p><p>Though they talked about it a little while Donghyuck was on tour, they talk more about Dream's festivals and performances, as well as their meeting with Harvey for the collaboration. It seems like so long ago, but Donghyuck just hasn't been able to talk to them properly like this for that long.</p><p>"Nana became a useless gay," Renjun sighs, shaking his head. Jeno laughs, which means he agrees.</p><p>Donghyuck got the photos, after all. He knows Harvey is pretty.</p><p>Something like jealousy sits too closely to his heart, and he pushes it down because he hates the feeling of it. Jaemin is with Jeno<em>, </em>and Donghyuck has no right to feel like this.</p><p>But then he's surprised, because Jaemin just retorts right back with "Well, I wasn't the only one flirting with him."</p><p>Renjun glances over to Donghyuck for just a second, fast enough that Donghyuck questions if he really had. He doesn't have time to see Renjun's expression, so he doesn't understand why Renjun had looked over. </p><p>It doesn't matter, anyway. Donghyuck's focusing on trying harder to tamper down the jealousy that's reared up again. Jaemin is a flirt with most people, though he means very little with it. Renjun, however, doesn't naturally flirt with people. </p><p>Donghyuck certainly hadn't expected to hear it. He's reeling a little, trying to imagine it, then trying to stop himself because it's certainly not helping his jealousy.</p><p>Renjun and Jaemin quickly fall into teasing each other about Harvey. It's clear they've done it before, but there's something guarded about Renjun's tone, the way he's careful not to overstep or overexpose Jaemin.</p><p>Donghyuck suspects that Renjun's nervous — that Jaemin can say something to end it, and it will not be favourable for Renjun whenever he decides to use it. </p><p>Donghyuck wonders what it is. What Jaemin has on Renjun that he clearly doesn't want exposed in front of Donghyuck.</p><p>Eventually the debate is stopped by Jisung, and then soon after they're all called for filming again. Donghyuck tries to push it to the back of his mind, making sure they wrap up filming smoothly. </p><p>Filming finally wraps up, and Donghyuck's the first to head in the van, sitting at the back. He's extremely tired, starting to crash now that work has finished. He's been excited to film with Dream, excited to hang out with them, but now he's so tired. And now that the idea of a nap has entered his mind, it's not leaving, and he's already settled down to take one while they're driven home. </p><p>Renjun comes up and sits beside him while they wait for the others to file in. Donghyuck watches Renjun make himself comfortable with half-lidded eyes.</p><p>Renjun looks like he wants to say something, but then he glances over at Donghyuck and softly smiles. "You have schedules tomorrow, right?"</p><p>Donghyuck hums his assent. Renjun pats his thighs comfortingly. "Right, make sure to look after yourself."</p><p>Donghyuck slips into sleep before he can even reply.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>His birthday comes, and he's asleep for half of the day for it. His biggest birthday wish was to catch up on some rest before they're back into fansigns and schedules before the next part of their tour, and he's granted it.</p><p>He spends some of the time calling his family, listening to their birthday wishes for him, and then giving his own to his sister. His members all come in and give him birthday wishes too, though they had done so at midnight as well, and he's spoiled with all the attention.</p><p>And later, in his room alone, he watches the release of Don't Need Your Love. He's heard the song already, their manager playing it for him a while back, so he's able to focus more on the video.</p><p>He replays the video once more. Twice. Wonders if this is how Mark will feel when he watches it, when he watches Boom, or any future releases of Dream.</p><p>Something <em>longing, </em>sitting under his chest. Growing and growing until it feels like he's consumed with it.</p><p>It's a feeling he's familiar with. An ache he's all too used to at this rate.</p><p>The ache burns intensely though, more than ever, and he pauses and replays scenes because he's apparently a masochist, just wanting to be hurt. Maybe it's the lyrics hitting a little too closely right now, watching Dream perform to a song about it. Renjun and Jaemin's teasing comes to mind, taunting him whenever Harvey's on screen, and quickly his emotions become a messy storm inside of him.</p><p>He's tempted to message Renjun, maybe tease him for the crying scene. But his heart clenches, chest aching all over again, and he decides to lock his phone instead. He stands without thinking, feet working before he can even control them.</p><p>He opens the door to Mark and Doyoung's room. Mark's sitting on his bed, guitar on his lap, and looks up at Donghyuck with wide eyes.</p><p>"Hey, what's up?" He asks, and Donghyuck walks over, making himself comfortable on Doyoung's bed.</p><p>"We're going out. Eating. Probably drinking. Mostly drinking," he replies, words spilling out without thinking about them. But he doesn't like the ache in his chest, and he wants to subdue it. Wants to drink until he doesn't think about it anymore, until that burn in his chest is purely from alcohol.</p><p>Mark frowns at him. "Thought today was for resting?"</p><p>"Yeah, but it's my birthday, and soon we'll be too busy to go out. And you have SuperM and everything, so we won't get to do this. Come on hyung, it's my <em>birthday," </em>he whines at the end, reaching out to pull at Mark's hands.</p><p>He can tell Mark's about to deny him. Mark would probably be right to do so any other day, argue that Donghyuck needs the rest, but right now Donghyuck's restless — and will be unless he gets out and gets his mind away from all his thoughts.</p><p>"Do I need to explain to you about <em>why </em>I desperately want a drink? Do I really need to map out the fact that they just released a new video, and it's all about <em>love? </em>And how much they don't need it? Do I <em>really </em>need to do that?"</p><p>It works at least.</p><p>Mark sighs, putting the guitar down. "Okay, well... it's a bit early, but alright. Where do you want to go?"</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. "I'll think about it. Will you be good to go in about half an hour? Maybe fourty-five."</p><p>Mark taps at his phone to show the time, then nods. "Yeah, that's fine. Did you wanna invite anyone else out?"</p><p>Donghyuck immediately shakes his head. He already feels guilty that he's asking out only Mark, when he <em>knows </em>the other Dream members would like to go out with him. But if he invites anyone else, he'll feel even worse for not inviting Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun. </p><p>"Okay, no stress. Oh, and Haechannie?" Mark calls for him as Donghyuck stands, heading for the door. "Maybe send a message to chat about the song though. While you're still sober."</p><p>It's probably a good idea. Otherwise he'll likely send it later, probably a mix of gushing about it and also clearly jealous, and he's not willing to deal with <em>that </em>aftermath.</p><p>He sends a message to the group chat, saying it's a great video, that they all looked great, gushing about it as much as he’s able to, and then turns off his notifications. He gets ready for his night out with Mark, styling his hair and even putting on a bit of makeup, because damnit it's his birthday and he wants to look nice for it. </p><p>Also, Mark will probably end up taking photos of him, and if he's going to look like a mess then he may as well look like a <em>hot </em>mess.</p><p>Jaehyun comes back right as he's finishing up, surprised for a second before smiling warmly. "You look nice. You're headed out for your birthday then?"</p><p>"Yeah, out with Mark. Don't wait up for me!" He blows a kiss to Jaehyun, then goes to drag Mark outside.</p><p>To be fair, he <em>does </em>focus on a good place for dinner first. They catch a taxi there, and Donghyuck enjoys the atmosphere and the good food. They go easy on the drinks to start with — they still have a fansign tomorrow to attend, but Donghyuck starts to reason with himself that it's in the evening anyway, so he can have a couple more.</p><p>They end up in a karaoke room, Donghyuck clinging to Mark and laughing as he stumbles a little over his feet as they enter the room.</p><p>Mark's grinning too, excited, already trying to plan out their songs.</p><p>It's a fun blur of songs and music, Donghyuck going between standing and singing enthusiastically, to sitting down and waving his arms as Mark performs. They find My First and Last on the list, and end up singing that at some point — and Donghyuck is personally offended when they barely score a 90.</p><p>Mark finds it hilarious of course. Donghyuck doesn't even realise Mark's got his phone out, recording the scene as Donghyuck rants on about the fact <em>they should've gotten a perfect score, what the fuck, the whole system is rigged.</em></p><p>Donghyuck sits down, done with his rant and fuming. Mark picks up the slack, selecting his next song, and Donghyuck decides to take out his phone. Surprisingly, he sees that Mark has sent the video of his rant to the Dream chat with the caption of <em><strong>rip hsrchan, pls pray for his egg</strong></em></p><p>
  <strong> <em>ego*</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>*haechan fuck</em> </strong>
</p><p>Chenle immediately copies the spelling mistakes and laughs at him for it. Renjun sends back another reply rather quickly.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>You're drinking, aren't you? Have fun! :)</strong> </em>
</p><p>"Oh god," Donghyuck says to himself, putting his head in his hands. "Mark-hyung, you just <em>fucked </em>me."</p><p>Mark, still selecting his new song, turns back to frown at him. "What?"</p><p>"Renjunnie sounds annoyed. Look at that, that's his passive aggressive tone! With the exclamation mark and smiley face! He <em>knows </em>we’re drunk because you suck at typing, so the fact he’s asking means he’s definitely annoyed about it!" Donghyuck shoves the phone in Mark's face, who squints at it until he can make sense of it.</p><p>"Uh, I'd say he knows we're drinking because of the video I just sent with you very passionately and drunkenly ranting about the score. But anyway, he’s probably jealous you didn't invite him out dude," Mark tells him, then focuses right back on the remote.</p><p>Donghyuck splutters. Mark’s not <em>wrong, </em>but he expected a bit more sympathy is all.</p><p>"I <em>couldn't. </em>Not after the music video, and seeing his stupid face crying and making my heart go all—" He makes a twisting motion with his hands, signifying the mess his heart currently is. "Did you see how good they looked? Fuck, they looked so good. And it's just so <em>good </em>being around them. Shooting the Boom MV was so fun, and fuck. They all looked so good. God, just wait until you see it. I just... Don't want to see them tonight. Like, my chest has hurt enough lately, I'm so tired of it. I love them, and I love Dream, but I just... Sometimes it's too much, and it's been too much all the time when I'm around them lately."</p><p>Mark, finally, hums with sympathy. "Because Jaemin and Jeno are together? That's what you were upset about earlier on tour, right? We haven't really gotten to see them together after all, so I... can imagine that hurt a bit."</p><p>"Oh good okay, so they <em>did </em>tell you." Donghyuck is so relieved, because he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to hold down the secret of that. "I mean, I saw it coming. But... Wow, there's something wrong with me, right? I must be broken, because who would love three of their friends at once? That's just... that's not fair. How is that fair to <em>me? </em>Like, I'm really in love with two people who are now together. Yeah, I mean that kind of fucking hurts. A lot."</p><p>Mark frowns over at him. "Dude, it's not wrong at all. We've talked about this, and it hasn't changed."</p><p>Donghyuck waves a hand around, like he's trying to expel the upsetting energy he's starting to create. "Yeah, well. It doesn't matter in the end. Whatever. Your marks faded away not that long after our fight, you know? So obviously I don't love that deeply, if it doesn't last that long. So this means nothing in the end anyway."</p><p>It's something that he thinks about, more than he'd ever like to admit. </p><p>A star that had shone so bright, only to fade away so quickly. Mark was his first love, tied up in Donghyuck's messy years of being a teenager. He <em>had </em>loved Mark, and now he doesn't. Not like that, not anymore. He couldn't if he tried.</p><p>Mark frowns. "Uh, I don't think it works like that. I don't think you can say it means nothing, because you can't invalidate those feelings you had at that time. They weren't any less just because of what happened in the end. And anyway, I think every type of love is different, you know? You can't compare it, or expect it to be the same."</p><p>Donghyuck knows this. It's not the same, and he knows it. He loves the three so deeply, he doesn't think it'll ever fade away now. He just doesn't want to acknowledge that, because it's terrifying.</p><p>Donghyuck laughs bitterly, and goes to change the topic. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore, to have to admit Mark's right. "Whatever. Look at me. I'm a mess, complaining about how wrong it is that I love three of my friends at once to you. Fuck, give me that remote."</p><p>Mark passes it over, eyebrows scrunched together as he tries to piece together his words. "Donghyuck..."</p><p>Donghyuck waves him off, now trying to focus on choosing a song. "Shut up, it's fine, whatever. We'll go on tour again, and I'll swallow down my feelings and hide my chest and I will be <em>fine, </em>because I'm used to this and I'm a bad bitch."</p><p>"But then you have Boom promotions..." Mark cautiously points out, and Donghyuck whirls around to point the remote at him.</p><p>"Literally <em>what </em>did I just say? I'm a <em>bad bitch,</em>" he repeats the words in English, just so there's no confusion in Mark's mind about this. "I'll deal with it. I've gotten better at hiding my heart after you, anyway."</p><p>Mark looks very concerned with that statement, so Donghyuck cuts him off before he can start. "You <em>cannot </em>tell off the birthday boy, shut up. Let me pick this song."</p><p>When he does, he hears Mark's voice behind him. "Adele? Fuck, you're coping worse than I thought."</p><p>He ignores that, because Adele's starting and damnit if he can't get a perfect score on <em>their own song, </em>then he'll get one on Adele's.</p><p>Mark, swinging through his moods during the song, leaps up with excitement the moment 100 appears on the screen at the end of the song. He wraps Donghyuck in a hug, both of them spinning around as Mark shouts "Holy <em>fuck, </em>you did that!"</p><p>"You shouldn't have doubted me," Donghyuck glowers, but admittedly is pretty damn pleased with himself.</p><p>They're almost out of time with the karaoke room, and they're both starting to waver in their energy a bit. They got a couple more drinks at the beginning of the session, but they've both gone through them and Donghyuck blames the swings of emotions for how tired he's starting to feel.</p><p>They duet a hype song so that they can leave the room in high spirits. They both stumble as they head out the room, laughing as they walk down the streets. Mark manages to organise a taxi through his phone, and they sit on the sidewalk as they wait for it to pull up.</p><p>"I could really go for like, patbingsu or something. Or ramen. Mm, something salty sounds good actually," Donghyuck complains, hand on his stomach. "Except like, I'm on a diet."</p><p>"Dude fuck that," Mark says, leaning back and patting Donghyuck's cheeks. "Your cheeks are <em>gone. </em>Which is like, y'know sexy or whatever, but the cheeks are just as cool dude. We can totally get dessert, or whatever you want. Fuck it, let's do it when we go back. Bring back a feast to the dorms."</p><p>Donghyuck snorts. "I like that plan. Alright, let's do it."</p><p>And so when they return to the dorm, they've both got a bag each of convenience store snacks. Not a feast, but enough to be more than just a 'snack'. Jungwoo, sitting in the main room, lights up when he sees them enter, both giggling madly as they figure out how to untie their shoes.</p><p>"Birthday boy! Did you guys have a good time?" Jungwoo asks them, looking genuinely interested in the reply. Donghyuck grins at him, showing him the bag in his hand. He tips a little to the side, but rights himself just in time.</p><p>"Yep! Here, want to share?"</p><p>Jungwoo makes grabby hands. "Yes <em>please.</em>"</p><p>They sit around the couch, spreading out their snacks. Jungwoo reaches out immediately for a packet of roasted seaweed, looking very pleased about the whole situation. Jungwoo asks them about the night, raising an eyebrow when Mark says "only a couple of drinks" were had.</p><p>Mark gets up at one point for the bathroom, and Jungwoo nudges him politely in the side. "Hey, you look really happy. You and Mark are so cute together. Was it like... a date?"</p><p>Donghyuck frowns at him. "What?"</p><p>Jungwoo's smile drops, then leans in to whisper to him. "You like him, right?"</p><p>Donghyuck reels back, eyes wide. "No!" He immediately denies, voice accidentally louder than he intended. He slaps a hand over his mouth all too late, then drops it to continue. "No, hyung— no, you're like, a couple years too late on that."</p><p>Jungwoo leans back, surprised. "Really? Oops."</p><p>"Really."</p><p>"Ahh," Jungwoo nods, thankfully believing it now. Then he lights up with realisation of something. "The 2017 summer fight?"</p><p>Donghyuck sighs. "Yeah, that definitely had something to do with it alright. It's cool now though."</p><p>Jungwoo's still nodding along. Donghyuck leans in, whispering. "Hey, want to know a secret?"</p><p>Jungwoo tilts his head at him. "Is it a secret you <em>want </em>me knowing, Donghyuck-ah?"</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. He's definitely too drunk to care. "Probably not, but whatever. So this time, instead of just <em>one </em>heartbreak, I've set myself up for three! Great, right?"</p><p>He sits back easily, and watches the mix of emotions pass by Jungwoo's face. Confusion, realisation, then pity. And Donghyuck won't let himself be pitied. "Ah ah, it's my birthday, so no sadness here tonight. Look on the bright side: maybe it'll be enough for my soulmarks to finally learn to stop ruining my life by appearing!"</p><p>Jazz hands accompany his statement. Mark walks back in at that moment, hearing his last statement and taking in the scene for a second before shaking his head, falling into Donghyuck's side. "Dude, you're the one always looking on the dark side here with this. Or like, not looking at all, because you suck at confronting your feelings."</p><p>Donghyuck points a finger at him. "Remember that time you said-"</p><p>Mark lunges, going to cover his mouth. "Dude no, not cool!"</p><p>Donghyuck licks at Mark's hand to get it to release, but settles by not saying the comment. Jungwoo looks all too amused at their wrestling, helping himself to more food, then holds it out for Donghyuck to take some too.</p><p>He does so happily, munching smugly at Mark, who still looks a little panicked about the whole situation. He finally settles back, and they sit around and eat for a while. Jungwoo, thankfully, doesn't look like he's going to bring up anything about the soulmarks again. He looks thoughtful, but doesn't look pitiful, so Donghyuck's relieved.</p><p>It's strange to realise now two of his members know about the soulmarks. However, he trusts Jungwoo, even though he's close to the other Dream members. He knows Jungwoo won't meddle with the situation, and he won't pressure Donghyuck to do anything either. </p><p>He feels a little lighter though, now that the secret is no longer just hidden for himself. A reminder that he has support behind him, that at least his friendship with Jungwoo won't change because of this.</p><p>They share the snacks around, talking lightly amongst themselves, but soon enough Mark starts to fall asleep on the couch.</p><p>"Go to bed," Donghyuck says, kicking him off the couch. Mark doesn't need to be told twice, heading straight for his room with a yawn. He gives Donghyuck a thumbs-up and a final happy birthday, then disappears through his doorway.</p><p>Doyoung pokes his head out after a couple of moments, looking at Donghyuck.</p><p>"Both of you will need hangover drinks tomorrow, won't you?" He doesn't look mad about it at least. Just considerate.</p><p>Donghyuck grins at him. "I have no idea honestly."</p><p>He hasn't had this much before, so the whole experience is a little new. The room is tilting a little, but he's still having a good time so he's not too stressed about it.</p><p>Doyoung's lips lift in a smile. "Alright then, let's see how you go tomorrow. I hope you had a good night tonight, Haechannie."</p><p>Donghyuck shoots him a thumbs-up, then gestures to the snacks. "You want some?"</p><p>Doyoung laughs, shaking his head. "No thanks, you two enjoy. I'm sure if you leave them out they'll be gone before morning though."</p><p>He heads back into his room, and Donghyuck faintly hears him calling Mark <em>cute. </em>He can't even disagree with that honestly.</p><p>Eventually he leaves Jungwoo with the snacks, heading into his room. He needs a shower and to wash up, and he needs to grab the shirt he's wearing to bed.</p><p>"Hey baby," Jaehyun greets, sitting up a little. "Heard you drank a bit. How’re you feeling?"</p><p>Donghyuck grins at him before focusing on his closet. He grabs one of Jaehyun's shirts, and plans to entirely blame it on the drinks if he's questioned about it. "Really good, actually. Hang on, I gotta shower."</p><p>Jaehyun definitely sees the shirt, but just smiles and lets Donghyuck go without saying anything about it. Donghyuck locks himself in the bathroom, and once his shirt comes off finds himself staring at his soulmarks.</p><p>It's a little too easy to get lost in tracing them, in admiring them now that he'll let himself. He's barely had the time to even if he wanted to, but it's clear to Donghyuck that they haven't faded at all. That they're just as bright as the day he got them.</p><p>The world tilts again, and Donghyuck feels like this is familiar, actually. The way he feels unbalanced, struggling to stay upright.</p><p>It's a little too close to how he feels all the time lately.</p><p>When he gets out of the shower and into bed, it's almost midnight. He's got some messages he hasn't opened, two in the last hour from Jeno and Jaemin.</p><p>Jaemin sent his first.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Donghyuckie! It's 11:11, so I'll make a wish for your birthday! I wish for you to always be healthy and happy. Thanks for working so hard and being such a shining light in my life!! Love you lots &lt;3 &lt;3</em> </strong>
</p><p>Jeno sent his around twenty minutes later. <em><strong>Happy 20th Birthday! :D Let's go out together soon when we're free, and have a fun time!~</strong></em></p><p>Jeno's also attached a photo, and Donghyuck can immediately place it's his room. He's captioned it with <em><strong>I got a new computer, so you can come over and use it whenever you want :)</strong></em></p><p>Donghyuck really doesn't need the explicit offer, because they both know Donghyuck will invite himself over the second he can to play it regardless. Still, it's a rather clear sign of Jeno's affection, so Donghyuck's happy to have it.</p><p>He replies as best as he can, fingers uncoordinated as he types. It's riddled with spelling mistakes, but he's managed to get it mostly coherent so he's proud of himself. It's a general thankful reply, as well as a ridiculous amount of hearts.</p><p>Too many, his sober thoughts tell him, but they hardly matter right now.</p><p>A minute before midnight, before his birthday is officially over, another notification appears. It's Renjun this time.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>My soulmate, happy 20th birthday to you! You're working really hard this year, remember you can rely on us and come to us for anything. You're doing your best and always make us happy, but remember to take care of yourself too! We're in this together, so let's keep going forever and then into the next life as well :)</strong> </em>
</p><p>As Donghyuck reads it, another message appears underneath.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>I love you! It might be a while before we see each other again, but remember that we're always here for you.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Donghyuck's eyes flicker up to the photobooth strip he keeps near his bed. It's barely visible in the low light with only his phone on, lowered so he doesn't disturb Jaehyun who's now sleeping. He lets out a steady breath, telling his heart to shut up before it wakes up Jaehyun.</p><p>He types a reply with fingers that feel even unsteadier than before, words appearing faster than his brain can properly filter over.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>thakn you injunnieee! i real ly, really love yuo! srry i didnt invute you out tnight. just hd things goin on. but i rlly do love you &lt;3</strong> </em>
</p><p>Renjun's active, lurking in the conversation, immediately reading Donghyuck's reply. His typing emoticon appears, then disappears, and reappears again. Over and over until Donghyuck's worried his phone is glitching.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Make sure to drink some water~ Sleep well, Haechannie :)</strong> </em>
</p><p>It's almost disappointing when the message finally comes through. All that buildup, only for Renjun to cleanly end the conversation.</p><p>Donghyuck pouts at his phone, but locks it and puts it aside when it's clear Renjun has nothing else to say.</p><p>After today, his schedule will pick up again. He'll see Dream for Fireflies, at the end of the tour — almost two months from now.</p><p>Something feels like it's slipped through his fingers. Like he's missed the timing of something.</p><p>Unsettled, but deciding to push it down in favour of reasoning it's just the alcohol making him uneasy, he rolls onto his side.</p><p>The feeling does not leave.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>With a packed schedule, the days fly by. Soon enough the last month of 127’s tour begins, and they fly out to Bangkok for it.</p><p>Since the night of his birthday, Donghyuck's been haunted by the messages he sent out while not entirely sober. <em>Especially </em>Renjun's, their last messages still sitting undisturbed.</p><p>It's weird to have their conversation so dry for almost two weeks, but Donghyuck burns with some type of shame when he sees the messages he last sent. Though he knows his drunken words will just be disregarded as being overly fond and drunk, they still sound all too close to a confession.</p><p>Renjun breaks their silence with a message the day Donghyuck flies out. A simple <em><strong>have a safe flight :)</strong></em></p><p>Donghyuck sends back his thanks, trying to brighten their chat up with a few stickers. But the conversation still feels awkward and stilted, and he sighs and turns on the airplane mode on his phone as the cabin crew comes around.</p><p>It seems like all his hyungs have picked up on his wavering energy for the last leg of the tour. He doesn’t allow it to show in his performance, or when there’s a camera around, but they notice it. They always offer to bring him along somewhere, treating him, but they also know when to leave him to rest.</p><p>Mark pulls him aside one night while they're in France. The streets are still rather busy with tourists even with the late hour, but they've managed to grab some sweet delicacies. Before they head back, Mark manages to find a secluded spot near a canal so they can talk privately.</p><p>"So, have you been messaging Renjun? Or Jaemin? Or even Jeno?" Marks asks him quietly, hands nervously passing his phone back and forth.</p><p>Donghyuck looks at him, frowning. "What?"</p><p>Mark shrugs helplessly, but it's clear he's waiting for an answer. Donghyuck gazes out to the canal. "I mean... Depends on what you define as messaging."</p><p>Well, Jaemin's been messaging him every few days. Random tidbits, or photos of the other members. Today he sent a photo of Jisung, which Donghyuck has definitely saved to his phone and is considering making it his homescreen wallpaper.</p><p>Sometimes Donghyuck remembers to reply. It gets difficult when he's on tour, rather drained — especially with so much content being filmed, and he puts all his positive energy into that. It means he has little left to give when he's actually able to check his phone.</p><p>Jeno's checked in once or twice, and Donghyuck gets back to him after a couple days. He doesn't mean to leave it so long, but everytime he feels a little too overwhelmed with the attention. Has to take some time to reorientate himself.</p><p>"Not gonna lie, that's not promising when you say it needs to be defined," Mark replies. He glances down to his phone, then fiddles with it for a moment before showing Donghyuck the screen.</p><p>Donghyuck reads the message as Mark talks. "Renjun messaged me yesterday about you. Told me to make sure you're looking after yourself."</p><p>Renjun's also messaged Mark to say congratulations for SuperM, and to also make sure he looks out for himself as well. He also asks for any photos Mark has — and when Mark scrolls down to show him said photos, Donghyuck sees himself in some of them.</p><p>"I figured he wouldn't message me about you unless you two weren't talking or something," Mark explains, "so I thought he'd like those photos. Mostly because I doubt you're going to be forwarding them to anyone."</p><p>Mark also shows him the reply, in which Renjun sends back a lot of reaction stickers, and a succinct<em><strong> cute! It looks like fun, make sure you're having a good time!</strong></em></p><p>And then, sent half an hour, there sits another message. <em><strong>Jaemin's jealous that Haechannie poses for your photos ㅋㅋㅋ</strong></em></p><p>"So, am I right? Did anything happen between you two?" Mark asks him, locking his phone and pocketing it.</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. "Honestly, I don't even know. I drunk-texted him, but it wasn't too bad. Maybe a little too many "I love you's", but like... nothing too bad. It's been awkward though."</p><p>And then, like a lightbulb moment, Donghyuck realises what might have happened. He hasn't had time to dissect the whole thing, hasn't let himself ache over it like he wants to. But suddenly, saying it aloud to Mark, clarity appears.</p><p><em>Oh, fuck. </em>Renjun's probably figured out Donghyuck was maybe a little too serious.</p><p>Renjun always knows him well. Though Donghyuck's truly done his best to hide it, to guard his heart this time because he <em>knows </em>what the feeling of it breaking is like — it doesn't matter. Renjun's probably realised that Donghyuck really does love him.</p><p>Mark's eyeing him, thoughtful. He nudges Donghyuck in the side. "Literally whatever you're thinking, it's probably wrong. <em>Why </em>do you think the worst with these things?"</p><p>Donghyuck tenses up, pursing his lips before letting it go. It's no use getting mad at Mark, one of the only people who knows about his situation.</p><p>"I'm not thinking the worst. I'm thinking realistically, so that I don't get my hopes up and then have even more hurt to deal with later."</p><p>Mark sighs heavily, leaning forward to bang his head against the railing. Donghyuck feels bad for him for a second, then realises he's frustrated with Donghyuck, so all sympathy disappears. "Oh my god. Can't you just like... talk to them, dude?"</p><p>Donghyuck blanches at the mere idea of it.</p><p>Besides, if Renjun <em>has </em>figured it out, then Donghyuck will take the clear warning. Renjun clearly feels awkward about it, so Donghyuck's definitely not going to bring it up.</p><p>"Absolutely <em>not. </em>Now come on, we only have like, one more day in France. Let's not spend it being all depressed about my love life."</p><p>Thankfully Mark drops it, and their last stop in Europe is remembered favourably.</p><p>They'll be heading home from France to spend a couple days home before their stop in Singapore, and Donghyuck will be spending those days practicing for Dream. Almost straight into the Scouts Jamboree and then into Boom promotions once the tour finishes.</p><p>It's a mess of emotions swirling inside of him as they board the flight home. He's excited to promote with Dream — it's been so long, and he's truly missed having promotions and schedules with them.</p><p>But now he's also nervous to see them. Renjun especially, now that Donghyuck fears Renjun knows about his soulmark for him. He knows he can't be certain, not like he was with Mark knowing, but Donghyuck's not too sure what else Renjun's strange behaviour can be attributed to.</p><p>It's not long before he's back in the practice room, seeing Dream for the first time in just over a month. He takes a deep breath before he enters the room, all of them already inside.</p><p>"Hyung!" Chenle cheers, scrambling up to hug him, hanging off his neck. "You haven't withered away!"</p><p>Donghyuck laughs, trying to shake him off but to no avail. "Of course I haven't withered away. Do you know how much good food I ate in Europe? I am full of pastry goodness, more alive than I've ever been before."</p><p>"And yet still not enough to get your cheeks back," Jaemin pouts, coming up to them to pat at Donghyuck's cheeks. They meet eyes, and Jaemin smiles warmly before it shifts into a playful smirk. There's something guarded in his eyes though, making Donghyuck cautious. "So I saw you posed for Mark, hm? He's not even that good of a photographer."</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes, shoving at Jaemin. "I know, that's why I let him take the photos. So I can blame the photographer if they don't look good."</p><p>But there's something unnerving about Jaemin focusing his attention on Donghyuck with the camera. Capturing him with the lens, and then further editing that photo closely — it's a lot of time to stare at his face. And Donghyuck can't trust himself to hide his feelings so well, to make sure he gives no indication of his feelings in front of that camera. Not with Jaemin behind it.</p><p>Jaemin gives an offended scoff. "I'm sorry, are you somehow insinuating that you wouldn't look nice on camera? <em>You, </em>who saves folders upon folders of your own fansite photos and fancams?"</p><p>Donghyuck sticks out his tongue at Jaemin. Jeno steps between them, giving Donghyuck's shoulder a squeeze as best as he can underneath Chenle's own arms. "Nana, you're only making yourself wait longer for him to model because he'll wind you up about it."</p><p>Donghyuck clicks his tongue, finger guns pointing at Jaemin. "Exactly."</p><p>Jaemin whirls around. Renjun and Jisung are behind him, waiting to greet Donghyuck. Jaemin winds his arms around Renjun, dragging him in between himself and Donghyuck.</p><p>"Injunnie will model for me, won't you?" Jaemin taunts, and Renjun deflates in Jaemin's arm. He shares a defeated look with Donghyuck, and his heart is doing weird things in his chest. He's been stressed, just a <em>little, </em>about seeing Renjun again.</p><p>But Renjun's apparently acting like everything's okay, so Donghyuck will have to as well.</p><p>"I already do. A <em>lot," </em>Renjun replies.</p><p>Jisung steps up to them as well. "Seriously. I think I have a modelling contract at this rate with you."</p><p>Jaemin grins at Jisung. "But you're just so <em>cute, </em>Jisungie. You've grown up so well! Your parents appreciate the photos if no-one else."</p><p>"I appreciate them too. Actually..." Donghyuck pulls out his phone, showing Jisung his new homescreen wallpaper. He's finally set it as the photo Jaemin sent him of Jisung, and Jisung immediately turns red and flustered.</p><p>"<em>Hyung," </em>he whispers, mortified at seeing his own picture on Donghyuck's phone. Chenle's cackling with laughter at Jisung's reaction, always happy to see him embarrassed.</p><p>Jaemin looks absolutely delighted. His eyes are bright, a genuine smile on his lips, and Donghyuck can tell he's happy to see his photo in use.</p><p>Chenle separates from his back, and Renjun squirms out of Jaemin's arms to drape his arm over Donghyuck's shoulders. Jisung's still hovering around, and Donghyuck coos at him, reaching out to ruffle his hair.</p><p>"I missed you, Jisungie!"</p><p>Jisung immediately swats away his hand, saying he hasn't missed Donghyuck, but it's a clear lie. Renjun leans in to whisper in his ear, "he's been sad all week."</p><p>Donghyuck immediately frets. "What? Why?"</p><p>Jeno leans in to pinch at Renjun's side, but then considers it for a moment before he does the same to Donghyuck. He yelps, trying to escape the sensation.</p><p>"Well, the groupchat became a little empty," Jeno answers, a small smile on his lips. "We know you were busy of course, don't stress about it."</p><p>Donghyuck feels guilty, because he definitely could've done more to reach out to them. He doesn't want to show how tired he's been though — even though Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun likely suspect it. He's excited now to be with them for Dream anyway, especially now that he's surrounded by them, and he doesn't want them to worry any further.</p><p>Besides, he likes being able to keep others happy. Grinning, he loops his arm around Renjun in turn, even if the back of his mind is protesting that it's too much contact, it's been too long and this will be overwhelming quickly.</p><p>He feels Renjun shudder under his touch, but Renjun just presses closer.</p><p>"Ah you see, I was doing it to make you guys realise absence makes the heart grow fonder," Donghyuck teases light-heartedly, patting the top of Jeno's head.</p><p>"Actually I quite liked how peaceful it was," Chenle replies, and Donghyuck scoffs at him. Chenle gives him a a cheeky grin, and a laugh to show that he's definitely not serious about it.</p><p><em>Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder, </em>he thinks to himself. The distance was good for the purpose of getting some space, for letting Donghyuck try and untangle the mess of his heart.</p><p>Well, not really untangle it. Just kind of look at it and go <em>well, that's a mess, </em>and just accept it as such.</p><p>But he can feel it — how much he's truly missed them. His heart refuses to calm down, stomach refuses to settle, and he's almost stressed his marks will glow so much they'll appear through his shirt.</p><p>They're called to practice, and Donghyuck's able to distract himself easily with the choreography. They finish up for the official time allocated for it, their choreographer heading out, but Donghyuck stays back. He hasn't had the time to practice the choreography like the others.</p><p>He goes to wave them out for the end of practice, sitting down and saying he'll see them tomorrow for practice. They only have a couple of days before Donghyuck flies out again for Singapore, their final tour stop. And it won't be long until they're at the Scouts Jamboree, so Donghyuck wants to take any extra time he can to practice.</p><p>Instead, Renjun sits beside him. Jeno comes over and passes Donghyuck his water, while Jaemin rifles through his bag until he manages to pull out some granola bars. He passes them around, and Donghyuck realises they're all staying back to practice with him — even Jisung and Chenle.</p><p>They run over it with Donghyuck until he's comfortable with the steps. Until he almost feels confident he doesn't look out of place with the others. Until Jeno puts a hand on his shoulder and says, "Donghyuck-ah, you look good. Let's finish up and get some dinner, okay?"</p><p>Donghyuck wants to argue, because he's still got time tonight and he can crash later. <em>Later, </em>when he's definitely got everything down, when he's completely confident with himself to know the steps. He has so much to make up for even though he did his best to learn it while on tour.</p><p>Jeno smiles disarmingly at him. "You've gone time, Duckie. We have tomorrow too, and the day after you get back from Singapore. You've already got it down anyway."</p><p>He feels like he <em>doesn't, </em>but he looks around and sees how tired everyone is. He feels guilty for them staying back, even though he tried to argue it initially. Still, they won't leave him alone even if he insists and he knows it.</p><p>"Alright," Donghyuck relents, heading over to their music system to turn it off. The rest of them begin to pack up as well, and Renjun passes him the bag he's packed up for him.</p><p>"Thanks." He takes the bag, checking his phone for messages. Jaehyun's messaged asking if he's coming home tonight, and Donghyuck keeps the message open as he considers it over.</p><p>"Food," Jisung complains, hurrying Donghyuck up. He pockets the phone, deciding he'll answer it soon.</p><p>"Let's just order delivery for the dorms. Donghyuck-ah, you in?" Jaemin turns to him, eyes wide and pleading. It's clear what he wants the answer to be, and Donghyuck — well, he's a weak man after a month, apparently. His usual defences have softened, and he easily agrees to it.</p><p>Their manager comes by and gets them, smiling as they notice Donghyuck open up the car door to leave with Dream.</p><p>"Are you staying over?"</p><p>Donghyuck looks back at the dorm. "Maybe. Probably? I'll let you know."</p><p>Their manager waves him off, and Donghyuck follows the others in. Chenle stays in the car, headed home, but he gives Donghyuck a wide grin, waving him goodbye cheerfully.</p><p>Donghyuck basically collapses on the couch the second he sees it. Exhaustion has quickly settled in now that he's stopped dancing, and he's honestly ready to call it a night.</p><p>Jaemin makes him lift his head up for a moment so he can settle down on the couch. Jaemin gently coaxes Donghyuck's head back down onto his lap, and Donghyuck is too tired to make an excuse for himself as to <em>why </em>this is a bad idea to himself. Instead he just readjusts himself so he can melt further into the couch and into Jaemin's lap.</p><p>Jaemin's fingers stroke through his hair, and Donghyuck is a <em>goner. </em>It's a fast way to soothe him and, as a result, send him hurtling rapidly towards sleep. He feels Jaemin laugh softly beneath him, but he's too far gone to say anything about it.</p><p>"Is he already asleep?" Jeno asks quietly. Donghyuck's kind of just drifting and has been for a bit he thinks — still hearing what's around him at the moment, but unable to pull himself out of his haze to respond.</p><p>"Mhm," Jaemin hums back, fingers still running through Donghyuck's hair.</p><p>There's a moment of silence, then Jaemin speaks quietly. "Injunnie, make sure you send that photo to me."</p><p>"Yeah, sending now. Jeno, do you want it too? Actually, I'll just put it in the group."</p><p>Jeno snickers. "Rest in pieces dude, Donghyuck's gonna kill you when he sees it."</p><p>"Well," Renjun says, a change in tone now. "At least he'd respond to it this time, hm?"</p><p>"Renjunnie..."</p><p>"I know. I know. I just..."</p><p>"Don't like when he shuts us out because he's going through something. Yeah, I know."</p><p>Donghyuck's mind feels a little too murky to properly sort through the words. But it sounds like a conversation he shouldn't be listening to, so he lets himself slip deeper into sleep so he's not unintentionally eavesdropping anymore.</p><p>He's gently stirred awake. It's not that much later, but he's still bleary and confused as he sits up, yawning and rubbing at his eyes.</p><p>Jaemin was the one to wake him, still letting Donghyuck use his lap as a cushion. "Hey, food's here. You might want to get up before Jisung or Renjun decide to just splash you with cold water."</p><p>"Please, like you'd let them," Donghyuck muffles through a yawn, stretching his arms up as he's properly sat up. "A water stain on your lap? Mm, questionable."</p><p>"It's cute that you think I have any shame," Jaemin grins at him, eyebrows wiggling ridiculously as his hands tap at his own thighs. Donghyuck glances for a second, then flushes and looks away immediately, standing up and refusing to look back at Jaemin on the couch.</p><p>Renjun appears with the bag of food, Jeno with another, and they hold it up triumphantly. Renjun's ordered probably a bit too much, as he tends to do, but Jisung particularly tends to finish off any of their meals anyway.</p><p>They crowd around the meals, making conversation while Donghyuck's still trying to fight off sleep. The brief nap has just made him more tired at this rate, and he's just doing his best to try and eat enough to satisfy his grumbling stomach.</p><p>A thought crosses his mind as he's eating, a memory triggered by Jisung mentioning something about their manager. He messages their manager, then copies and pastes the message to send to Jaehyun, letting them know he'll probably fall asleep in the Dream dorm.</p><p>He can't imagine himself making it back to his own room at this rate.</p><p>Renjun finishes up first, then goes to claim a shower first. Donghyuck really <em>should, </em>but he's also pretty sure he'll fall asleep under the stream of water, and he'd rather not risk an injury.</p><p>Donghyuck finishes up next, but isn't headed for the shower. He manages to say goodnight to those at the table, who give him a warm response in turn, and he shuffles over to Renjun's room.</p><p>Flopping down on Chenle's bed, Donghyuck falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Over the next couple of days, before Donghyuck flies to Singapore, he starts to notice something.</p><p>There's a level of comfort between Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun that he hasn't quite seen before. They work together, unspoken a lot of the time, a familiarity and ease between them that Donghyuck faintly starts to pick up on.</p><p>It's nothing extreme, nothing that dramatically shifts anyone's dynamics. Maybe it's because Donghyuck's been away that he picks up on it now — how easily Renjun falls into step with Jeno and Jaemin these days.</p><p>He pushes it to the back of his mind by the time he flies out again. It'll be a few months until the rest of the concert at the end of year, so Donghyuck focuses entirely on the performance, on having fun with the fans and members.</p><p>When he comes back, he's reminded of it again. Watching Renjun with Jeno and Jaemin, realising how well they work together.</p><p>They always have, really. All four of them. But there's something about the three of them that Donghyuck's starting to notice.</p><p>It's not like Donghyuck feels left out or excluded. It's not like that, because they always make sure to reach out to him as well. And Donghyuck himself refuses to ever be left behind, so he doesn't give any of them a choice really.</p><p>But there's just — there's <em>something.</em></p><p>He wonders if it's the looming approach of the end of year. Of their supposed graduation from Dream bringing them closer together now.</p><p>Boom will likely be their final comeback all together. And then Donghyuck will still have 127, as Mark did — but Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun don't have that security. There <em>might </em>be WayV for Renjun, possibly Chenle the following year, but there's been no mention of such things within the company.</p><p>They're hopeful that the lack of news about a graduation for them might mean they keep Dream as a permanent unit, but there's still a few months left of the year, and there's no guarantee. This could be their last comeback in Dream, could be their last comeback with <em>each other.</em></p><p>Donghyuck has security in 127. Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun do not have the luxury of a permanent unit, so Donghyuck understands why they're holding onto each other.</p><p>His heart aches. For himself, for the others. For Jisung and Chenle, who will still be in the unit.</p><p>And <em>if — </em>if things don't work out, Donghyuck doesn't want to be disappointed with his performances and stages for this comeback. So the moment he's back with them, he grins and laughs and teases, lightening and bringing up the mood for everyone.</p><p>It's just <em>hard, </em>sometimes. So hard.</p><p>Like filming for Weekly Idol, and Jaemin ends up paired as his partner, hugging Donghyuck so warmly that he absolutely <em>melts. </em>After all, he never really recovered from the game where he's frozen in a dance position from earlier. Where Renjun and Jaemin's blind hands wander over him, and he felt like they definitely could've felt how hard his heart was pounding, how warm his chest felt.</p><p>He texts Mark after that episode ends.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>if my heart randomly jumps out of my chest, make sure it does a good enough job that no one sees the marks.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Mark's response is less than helpful.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>haha lol will do.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Thankfully, Mark <em>is </em>actually helpful to him at other times. Music shows run for hours, so there's moments of downtime between everything. Mark's taken up to sending him articles about unique types of soulmarks, and Donghyuck reads them when it's secluded and quiet enough to.</p><p>Polyamory comes up a few times. People who are with multiple soulmarks, all the varying dynamics of such things. Some people who share the same soulmarks — and others that don't but are still within the relationship.</p><p>He doesn't open these types of messages while there's a stylist above him, but he does open them whenever there's no one looking over his shoulder.</p><p>But today his guard is down a little more than usual. A week into their promotions and they're nominated for a first win, but Donghyuck has to fly out as soon as their performance is over.</p><p>He pulls up his conversation with Mark, half-asleep and waiting to get his makeup done, when Renjun suddenly sits beside him. It startles Donghyuck, who wasn't paying <em>nearly </em>enough attention, and his gaze flickers down to his phone.</p><p>Mark's very recently sent a message with a link for soulmarks again, and Donghyuck hurries to hide his screen. Renjun notices the sudden and surprising behaviour, and Donghyuck watches his eyebrows furrow in confusion. Then he turns to Donghyuck, raising a questioning eyebrow.</p><p>Donghyuck smiles at him, trying to calm his own nerves. It's unlikely Renjun saw what the actual link was, but it's a close enough call that he's a little on edge about it.</p><p>Renjun's mouth twists for a second, but then he settles back in the seat. "So, how's Mark going?"</p><p>It's a casual enough question, but Donghyuck feels like it's loaded with something dangerous. Donghyuck's still half-asleep and can't bite back his immediate reply. "Uh, he's still alive in the groupchat you know? And like, I know you two message each other. Why're you asking me about Mark?"</p><p>Renjun doesn't look impressed, giving a pointed look to Donghyuck's phone. Donghyuck swallows, feeling more awake suddenly. He's just hoping Renjun saw nothing past the contact name now. "He's nervous about SuperM's announcement."</p><p>Renjun hums with the answer, but doesn't seem satisfied with it. Like it's not what he's looking for. But Donghyuck doesn't know what he's looking for, so he stays silent and lets Renjun make a reply. "He'll be fine. He's debuted three times now, a fourth is just a standard routine for him at this rate."</p><p>Donghyuck laughs, agreeing. But there's something stilted about their conversation, something about Renjun's behaviour that isn't letting Donghyuck calm down properly.</p><p>Renjun seems to give up on whatever he's looking for. His shoulders drop for a moment, like he's letting something go, then settles back into the chair. "Well when you see him, let him know he's not allowed to forget about us now that he's in a group with all our sunbaenims."</p><p>Donghyuck elbows him good-naturedly in the side, trying to get their dynamic to shift properly back into its regular place. "Like you'd let him forget with all the things you send in our group chat."</p><p>"My humour is <em>wasted </em>on all of you. They're <em>funny, </em>you guys just don't appreciate them."</p><p>Their conversation comes to a halt as Donghyuck's beckoned over to the makeup chair. It still doesn't feel properly settled with Renjun, but Donghyuck doesn't have the time to fix it now. Not when they'll be up on stage soon, and Donghyuck will be jetted off once again, this time for a conference in Los Angeles.</p><p>He sleeps on the plane, and wakes up to the news they won first place on the music show.</p><p>Jeno's sent him a photo. All of them are crowded around Jaemin who's holding the trophy, his smile bright and blinding at the camera, and Donghyuck remembers this is technically Jaemin's first ever win.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Wish you could've been with us! Have a safe flight Donghyuckie &lt;3</strong> </em>
</p><p>And if Donghyuck sets it as his lock screen wallpaper for the time being, well — he's only doing it because he's excited about their first win for Boom.</p><p>Definitely not because his stomach flutters with the smiles on Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun's faces. Absolutely <em>not.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>His schedules start to slow down, now that 127 has eased up. There's still promotions for Boom, and Donghyuck gets through them well enough. His chest hurts on the occasion, just too full of <em>love </em>for them, but he tampers it down and focuses on performances long enough for it to be ignored.</p><p>On their final day of promotions, having finished their performance and packing up in the waiting room, Renjun comes over to him.</p><p>"You're not busy next weekend, are you?" Renjun asks. Donghyuck side-eyes him as he packs up his bag.</p><p>"It depends on why you're asking," he replies, and Renjun pulls a face.</p><p>"Well, I faintly remember someone promising me that we'd go out together."</p><p>Donghyuck tries to think back, but he's pulling up a blank with his memories. He truly doesn't remember promising Renjun at any point recently they'd go out together. "When did I promise that?"</p><p>"When you were back in Jeju, because the four of us—" Renjun gestures to them both, then to Jaemin and Jeno not too far away, "never got to celebrate turning 20 together."</p><p>Well, Donghyuck certainly remembers now. He winces inwardly, making sure it doesn't actually show on his face, because he really didn't expect Renjun to ever cash in on that promise — not this soon, not on top of promotions, when Donghyuck's heart is really starting to hit the limit.</p><p>Jaemin and Jeno walk over, apparently sensing this conversation involves them.</p><p>"What's going on?" Jeno asks casually, already packed up and ready to go. Donghyuck gestures for Renjun to explain, focusing on packing up his own things because he's behind now.</p><p>"Haechannie promised we'd go out together to celebrate turning 20 while he was away. So I figure next weekend is as good as time as any to celebrate that, plus the promotions and Dream's anniversary, <em>and </em>Jaemin's birthday — well, two weeks late on that last one, but whatever."</p><p>Jaemin presses up against Donghyuck's back, hooking his chin on Donghyuck's shoulder and clasping his hands together on Donghyuck's stomach. It's a bit of a struggle to pack up his items, but no amount of complaining is going to get Jaemin to move.</p><p>Jeno glances over at them, and Donghyuck doesn't miss the fond smile he directs at Jaemin. "I think that sounds great. Donghyuck-ah, are you free?"</p><p>He <em>should </em>say no. Give his heart and chest a bit of a break.</p><p>But Jaemin's squeezing him, and Donghyuck can tell he's pouting, and Jeno and Renjun both look excited to go out all together. So he smiles back at them, saying he'll see them on the weekend because obviously they haven't had enough of him these promotions.</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes at the comment. "Oh, shut up. So it's sorted — we're all free, so no bailing out on us."</p><p>Donghyuck throws his hands up in surrender. "Me? Bailing out? You're dreaming, Injunnie."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Maybe Donghyuck <em>should </em>bail out.</p><p>They've very recently changed dorms, and Donghyuck is now sharing a room with Johnny. He's unpacked most of his things at least, but he's a little rushed for time as he tries to find some of his clothes.</p><p>Johnny's watching him rush around from his bed, obviously trying not to pry but desperately wanting to.</p><p>He lasts until Donghyuck emerges from their bathroom, having done some light makeup for himself. His outfit is simple enough, purposely casual at the level of just having a fun night with some good friends — and <em>nothing </em>else.</p><p>The makeup might be a bit too much though, a giveaway that he’s excited for something, wants to try and look even better for something. For <em>someone. </em>Like a <em>date, </em>but Donghyuck refuses to think about it any further.</p><p>He’d say he’s doing it for himself, but he ever so rarely does. He’s too lazy to put in that effort most of the time.</p><p>"So, who're you dressing up for tonight?" Johnny finally asks, as casually as he can. Donghyuck's impressed he's lasted this long, rifling through their closet for a jacket.</p><p>"No one. Myself. Obviously," Donghyuck replies, slinging the jacket on. Maybe he should wear a cap — that's casual. That's definitely super casual, good for hiding with in case anyone looks too closely at him.</p><p>Maybe <em>too </em>casual. Maybe it'll look like Donghyuck <em>doesn't </em>care at all for the hangout — and that's also not the energy he wants to give tonight.</p><p>Just... tethering the line of <em>looking </em>good, but acting like it's not intentional. Like he's happy to hang out with his friends, not expecting anything more, but not acting like their hangout is somehow less important than something more either.</p><p>"Okay," Johnny replies, putting his phone down on his bed. "So... Are you going out with anyone?"</p><p>"Just Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun," Donghyuck replies. It seems to surprise Johnny, but he hides it quickly.</p><p>"So a same-age hang out? That's cool, that's cool," Johnny says, forced with casualty, and Donghyuck eyes him carefully.</p><p>"What? What's wrong with that?" Donghyuck asks, stepping up to the bed. Johnny just grins at his attempts at being intimidating, holding his hands out.</p><p>"Nothing! Nothing at all. Make sure you have fun, cause trouble, whatever whatever. Don't message me past midnight with drunk texts, I'm going to catch up on some sleep before you keep me up with your gaming." Johnny waves him off, picking up his phone again and pointedly scrolling through it.</p><p>Donghyuck blows his tongue at him, then takes one last glance in their mirror to fix his hair. He probably won't be last to be ready — Jaemin is notorious for it, but if he's later than Jaemin then he's certainly in trouble.</p><p>Grabbing his shoes to put on at the door, Johnny speaks again. "If you actually need anything, make sure you text me. Or someone else if you want. Just make sure you message if anything's up, alright?"</p><p>Donghyuck turns back to smile at him. "Thanks hyung. Of course. See you later!"</p><p>Thankfully, because of Jaemin, Donghyuck doesn't end up being last. One of their managers offers to drive them if it's not too far, which they decide it isn't for the ride, and so they climb in. Jeno lists off the place, and they settle back for the drive.</p><p>Donghyuck's immediately faced with a problem, of course.</p><p>All three of them look <em>good.</em></p><p>Which Donghyuck has certainly taken notice of for a while now. He's seen them at their absolute best — on stages, on shoots, other promotional activities. But there's something nice about them just casually dressing up to go out together, about Jeno's hair not styled back perfectly — like he's been running his fingers through it. Like someone <em>else </em>has.</p><p>Donghyuck's eyes flicker over to Jaemin, and he hates everything because Jaemin's wearing black denim and <em>goddamnit. </em>Donghyuck is a weak, weak man.</p><p>Even weaker when he looks over and sees Renjun — and <em>fuck. </em>Damnit. Will Johnny come save his ass if he asks for it because he's just gay panicking? Maybe. Probably. Johnny's good to him, and probably will only make fun of him when it's safe to do so.</p><p>Mark will leave him to <em>rot, </em>apparently. He knows that much, so it's no use messaging him now about it.</p><p>The plan is just having a couple of drinks at a quiet place, eating something with that, then hitting up whatever they feel like. It might be clubbing, might end up being an arcade, but Donghyuck figures their decision will mostly be fuelled by alcohol anyway.</p><p>Not like he plans on drinking much. His heart has been threatening to burst, and he doesn't trust it at <em>all.</em></p><p>The restaurant is rather quiet, and they're ushered to a secluded table. They're either recognised as idols by the staff, or maybe the three around Donghyuck just look that ethereal that staff have figured they must be important.</p><p>They focus more on their food than the drinks to start with. None of them are heavy drinkers, and Donghyuck knows he'll feel the effects by the time his first bottle is down. Jaemin pours them a shot of soju each, and they cheers to it, but it's slow sips from there for a while.</p><p>With good food and good company, it's easy to fall into easy banter and discussions with them. Which means that at one point, Renjun and Donghyuck end up getting competitive about their drinks, despite Donghyuck admitting not too long ago he's not great with his tolerance.</p><p>Jeno, sitting beside him, nudges him. An expression crosses his face, and Donghyuck understands it all too quickly. He downs his glass, then challenges Renjun to another.</p><p>Except he palms it off to Jeno, who drinks it for him when Renjun's head is tilted up. Jaemin, sitting across from them and next to Renjun, certainly notices the play. Fortunately, he says nothing.</p><p>Jaemin isn't one to drink either, so he's not going to pull the same move for Renjun. Donghyuck grins at him, and Jaemin just shakes his head and reaches out to take some of Donghyuck's meal.</p><p>Renjun's quickly going red. Jeno's not faring much better.</p><p>Donghyuck probably isn't either — but at least he's doing better than both of them. He'll thank Johnny's tendency to share wine with him when he opens it in their room, as well as Jeno taking half his drinks. Jaemin's doing the best out of them all — he's had a couple, enough to be smiling loosely, but otherwise is pretty calm about everything.</p><p>They start to talk about where to head out next. Donghyuck's with Jaemin on not feeling too keen on clubs, so they all agree on heading to a bar next. They leave the restaurant with their arms around each other, splitting the payment.</p><p>Jeno is wrapped around Jaemin and not caring for how unsteady it makes both of them. Renjun and Donghyuck walk behind them, despite how slow they are. But Donghyuck doesn't trust that Jeno won't drag Jaemin along somewhere the second he's distracted, and then they’d all lose each other.</p><p>Donghyuck stumbles once, not due to the amount of drinks, but there's a slight step in the pavement that he misses. Renjun reaches out for him, grabbing him by his arm to steady him.</p><p>"Thanks," Donghyuck says, grinning back at him.</p><p>"Watch where you're stepping, idiot," Renjun warns, but he's smiling too. Still, he doesn't falter as he continues walking, pulling Donghyuck along now.</p><p>He hasn't let go of Donghyuck. Renjun's hand slips down until he can intertwine his fingers with Donghyuck's, and neither of them say anything about it as they follow Jeno and Jaemin along. Donghyuck just hopes his hands don't become any more sweaty.</p><p>It's earlier in the night, and the bars aren't as busy, so they get in with ease. They settle down in the back, and Jeno asks what they all want, declaring the round of drinks are on him as he gets up. Donghyuck doesn't even argue, just declares he'll get the next.</p><p>Renjun's beside him this time, Jeno and Jaemin having naturally folded next to each other when they sat down. Renjun's let go of his hand, but he's pressed almost entirely into his side.</p><p>Jaemin reaches out suddenly, patting Donghyuck's cheeks, then moves a little so he can do the same to Renjun.</p><p>"Cute," Jaemin coos, hands lingering on Renjun's cheeks.</p><p>Maybe Donghyuck's had more than he should've. It's the only explanation he has as to <em>why </em>it sounds like a good idea to deepen that red flush on Renjun's cheeks, which has bloomed under Jaemin's touch.</p><p>He reaches up to stroke the back of Renjun's neck, fingers lightly scraping through his hair. "The cutest," Donghyuck agrees. Renjun certainly goes a deeper shade of red, always embarrassed at being complimented, then needs to let go of his embarrassed energy by whirling onto Donghyuck and shoving at him.</p><p>"Ow," Donghyuck whines, crossing his arms over his chest and protecting himself. Jaemin slips out as he does so, laughing fondly at them, getting up to help Jeno carry the drinks over.</p><p>Jeno doesn't even blink in surprise at Donghyuck and Renjun once he comes back over. They both settle slightly, but Donghyuck nudges Renjun in the side. Renjun nudges back, until they're both bumping each other and trying to get one of them to fall out of their seat.</p><p>"You're going to knock your drinks over," Jaemin points out, which does get them to behave. Renjun presses up against Donghyuck again, and Donghyuck swallows any reaction behind taking a drink. His chest is so <em>warm, </em>and the alcohol and bar have already warmed him up enough, just a heavy reminder about how much he loves those he's surrounded by.</p><p>"Jeno-yah," Donghyuck says, putting down his drink. He's not really thinking, words spilling out before he can think better of them. "Wouldn't you say Injunnie is so, <em>so </em>cute?"</p><p>Donghyuck's voice raises purposely higher at the end. It’s to act cute, to purposely embarrass Renjun.</p><p>Jeno doesn't even hesitate, just nods seriously. "Yeah, he is."</p><p>He's <em>really </em>not thinking. This is approaching that same territory that has Donghyuck thinking there's maybe something between the three of them, something Donghyuck isn't part of. Something that extends beyond just holding onto each other because of Dream.</p><p>Donghyuck takes another drink. A long one, because he doesn't have a reply for anyone about that. Jeno's reply was too genuine, an indication of just how seriously cute he believes Renjun is, and Donghyuck doesn't know how to pick up from that now.</p><p>Neither does Renjun, who's also taking a drink.</p><p>Donghyuck keeps the glass up, but is starting to worry that he's definitely drinking this mixed vodka too fast — still, it's better than having the pressure of continuing the conversation.</p><p>Then, suddenly, Jeno speaks again. His gaze is right at Donghyuck.</p><p>"You're really cute too."</p><p>It's that same serious, genuine tone, and Donghyuck manages to force down the liquid that almost chokes him. He has to place the glass down, trying to focus on not starting a coughing fit.</p><p>A glance over to Jaemin reveals he's already looking at Donghyuck. Once they meet eyes, Jaemin just raises an eyebrow, daring Donghyuck to challenge Jeno's statement.</p><p>He isn't sure if he needs more or less alcohol at this rate. More would help deal with this whole situation, but less will probably help him keep his damn mouth shut and stop ending up in these types of situations.</p><p>Donghyuck just responds with an "okay" — because that's really all his brain is giving him at the moment, still buffering over Jeno's compliment.</p><p>It's easy to flirt with Renjun, who will act out of embarrassment. Easy to flirt with Jaemin, who will copy and flirt back in the same tone.</p><p>Jeno, though. Jeno's too honest. Too genuine. He'll take Donghyuck's flirting and throw Donghyuck for a loop, and he doesn't know how to handle it.</p><p>Donghyuck picks up his drink again and finishes it. It's too soon to be going for a second round, but Donghyuck's taking the chance to get out from his seat while he has it.</p><p>"My round, anyone want anything different?" He asks, but they all shake their heads. Jaemin waves off this round, but Jeno and Renjun go for it despite their drinks still being half full.</p><p>He goes up to order, showing his ID. Thankfully there's no flash of recognition across the bartender's eyes — or she's just very used to seeing celebrities around this place, so he lingers around the bar. He can feel eyes on his back, but it's a feeling he's well used to as an idol, so he doesn't turn around to meet the gaze.</p><p>Besides, he has a suspicion it's from the others at his table anyway. They ease up from his back when he grabs the drinks, fingers carefully wrapped around the three glasses.</p><p>It's a cautious operation, but he manages to deposit the three glasses safely on their table. Jeno and Renjun have hurried up their drinking at least, almost catching up to his own second glass.</p><p>He slides back in next to Renjun, and though he tells himself to maintain a safe distance — one that will give his chest a bit of a damn break — he finds it disappears all too soon.</p><p>Halfway through his next drink he's almost got Renjun entirely in his lap. Renjun's leaning forward, enamoured in Jeno's story, and Donghyuck's just barely stopping himself from doing the same. Jeno's story is starting to go in circles, but Donghyuck is entirely endeared by it.</p><p>Jaemin's quieter, content to just listen to all of them talking. Donghyuck does his best to contribute, because he's at the point with his drinks that he's no longer awkward under all the attention of the other three, and is rather flourishing in it now.</p><p>Renjun taps at Donghyuck's thigh to signal he wants to get out. "I'm going to the bathroom. Final round?" He asks, and Donghyuck's glad for the call. They all opt in for it, even Jaemin, and Renjun gets up to get the order.</p><p>Donghyuck's focused on trying to finish his drink, so Jeno and Jaemin talk amongst themselves until Donghyuck inserts himself back into it whenever he'll feel like.</p><p>"He's so cute, Minnie," Jeno sighs, a little wistfully. Donghyuck looks over to see Jeno staring directly at Renjun, a pout on his lips. Donghyuck's stomach twists, and his fingers nervously turn the almost-empty glass in his hands.</p><p>Jaemin looks back from his own staring at Renjun to grin at Jeno. He pinches the bottom of Jeno's jaw, pressing his cheeks together and pouting his lips out even more. "I know, baby."</p><p>
  <em>Baby.</em>
</p><p>"I'm going to help Injunnie with the drinks," Donghyuck says, standing up suddenly. He doesn't bother waiting to see how the two react, just hurries out from the table and steps up next to Renjun.</p><p>Renjun looks at him, then the table, then back to him. He narrows his eyes at Donghyuck, but his gaze is a little unfocused, so it's not half as intimidating as it usually is. Well, it's hardly intimidating anyway. Honestly, it's cute.</p><p>Then Donghyuck is reminded of the last two minutes he endured, and hurries to take two of the drinks from the bar as they're handed over.</p><p>"What?" Renjun asks him, not letting him get away so quickly. Besides, the only place Donghyuck can go back to is the table anyway.</p><p>Donghyuck curses his current lack of filter, because the words spill out before he can catch them. "Jaemin called Jeno <em>baby."</em></p><p>Renjun isn't surprised by this at all. "They usually do that at home. It's one of many sickeningly cute nicknames they have for each other."</p><p>Renjun doesn't actually look disturbed by this. In fact, he looks <em>fond.</em></p><p>They walk back over to the table, Donghyuck lingering behind because he doesn't quite know what to do with the information that Jeno and Jaemin use cute nicknames with each other — and apparently do so rather frequently.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are mid-conversation, so at least it's easy to slip in rather unnoticed. Renjun slides over their drinks, and they have a small toast to themselves, as well as Jaemin's belated birthday and Dream's anniversary.</p><p>"To three years together in Dream," Jeno cheers, not loudly enough to draw attention but enough that it's all Donghyuck can hear. "And here's to hoping for many, many more."</p><p>"To forever," Jaemin says quietly beside him, but Donghyuck catches it before they clink glasses.</p><p>Donghyuck gets up for the bathroom at one stage, but then stops and stands at the end of the table, sulking as they all stare back.</p><p>"Someone has to come with me," he says, because he never likes going alone.</p><p>Still, they don't make it easy for him.</p><p>Jaemin's got his chin in his hand, grinning at Donghyuck. "If you act cute, I'll consider it."</p><p>Donghyuck sticks out his tongue, then turns to focus on Jeno. He can see he's already wavering, knows that by now Jeno will also be needing the bathroom. He puts his hands on the table — which, gross, because it’s sticky — and leans forward, right in Jeno's space.</p><p>"Come with me before I tell Doyoung you were mean to me," he sing-songs, and Jeno just laughs.</p><p>"Please, I'm his favourite," Jeno replies, but stands up anyway to get out. Donghyuck slaps at his own chest with faux hurt.</p><p>"All those lunch dates with him meant nothing then," Donghyuck gasps dramatically. Renjun just tries to whack Donghyuck's legs with his feet for his comment, but Donghyuck manages to step back and out of the danger zone in time.</p><p>Jeno almost barrels into him, stumbling over as he straightens up. Donghyuck laughs at his lack of coordination, grabbing onto his arm to help steady him. "Alright, let's hurry up before you break something."</p><p>Jeno thankfully does manage to steady himself, but Donghyuck can tell he's definitely feeling the drinks. He's had enough himself to feel it too<em>, </em>especially now that he's in the bathroom and the lights are bright and he can see himself in the reflection, and the world is tilting as he looks.</p><p>When they head back out together, Donghyuck now realises he's definitely pretty drunk and Jeno is even moreso. Renjun and Jaemin are already making a move to stand, ready to leave. Donghyuck doesn't remember finishing his drink, but he must've because their glasses are all empty now.</p><p>Not remembering finishing his drink isn't a great sign, but he's not worried about that anymore. Renjun and Jaemin lead the way out, walking out onto the street, and Donghyuck follows with Jeno right beside him.</p><p>Renjun and Jaemin look like they're engaged in a serious conversation, so Donghyuck tilts his head and ponders. "Do you think Renjun's talking about something philosophical?"</p><p>"Or they're arguing about something in the fridge," Jeno replies, grinning at him. Donghyuck smiles back, but his chest has a sudden pang, and he looks away.</p><p>"Are we headed somewhere in particular?" Donghyuck asks the pair in front, but they don't give him much of a reply.</p><p>"It's nice to walk," Renjun finally answers, and Donghyuck sighs but lets it go. It's not like Renjun is wrong after all, and Donghyuck's quite enjoying the company with him as they walk down the streets, observing the people and places around them.</p><p>Jeno's gaze is up at the stars, and Donghyuck has to take his hand and help guide him to make sure he doesn't walk into anything he shouldn't. They're taking quieter streets at least, and occasionally Renjun and Jaemin stop them to look at something displayed in the windows of stores.</p><p>"Aren't stars so pretty?" Jeno asks him, the wonder clear in his voice as he reaches a hand up, pointing at the stars. "It's a shame about all the city lights and pollution. They're so nice to see when they're bright. When they fill the entire night sky. You've seen that, right?"</p><p>"Yeah," Donghyuck replies, because he has over his years of travel. But he doesn't think any of them come as close to the brightness of his own on his chest, and he stopped looking at the stars with amazement when his own galaxy appeared anyway.</p><p>Jeno finally returns his gaze back down, but directs it towards Donghyuck this time. He's staring to the point where Donghyuck almost feels like squirming out underneath the intensity of it.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Jeno says, dragging the word out, trying to fight through his drunken thoughts to figure out his next sentence.</p><p>"Yeah, Jeno-yah?" he prompts once he realises Jeno's lost track of his thoughts at some point. Jeno snaps back with it, and his resolve seems to strengthen. He stops them walking, even though Renjun and Jaemin haven't noticed them do so. He takes both of Donghyuck's hands, swinging them back and forth as he starts to talk.</p><p>"You— you shine so bright, you know? You really do. On stage, around other people, around us. You're incredible," Jeno praises, and this time Donghyuck really does squirm back a little, embarrassed at the affection Jeno's displaying, at the warm words that are lighting up his entire self.</p><p>Jeno lets go of one of his hands. He takes an unsteady step forward, right into Donghyuck's space, hand reaching out. He splays his fingers over Donghyuck's chest — right over his heart, over the soulmarks — and Donghyuck <em>burns.</em></p><p>He's holding his breath, trying not to let Jeno feel just how hard his heart is beating, how his breaths would probably come out in panicked, short bursts. This is it. It has to be. Jeno knows about his star, knows it belongs to him, and oh God Donghyuck's about to get his heart broken—</p><p>"I'm sure you still shine brightly here, right? Even after so many years." Jeno's words are quiet, thoughtful, and — something mournful about them, too. Donghyuck can't move, just watch as Jeno gives him a small, sad smile.</p><p>
  <em>He knows, he knows.</em>
</p><p>He's about to crush Donghyuck's heart. About to say Donghyuck should let these stars die too, even though the thought of it aches something so terrible. He doesn't know if he can let go this time, even if Jeno asks him to.</p><p>And God, he doesn't even think Jeno will remember this in the morning. He'll have broken Donghyuck's heart without realising, probably because he never wanted to hurt him, and Donghyuck will have to hide his heartbreak because he's not going to let Jeno feel guilty about it.</p><p>He still can't say anything. Jeno's fingers are still splayed over his chest, and his fingertips press lightly into Donghyuck's chest for a second before he lets go.</p><p>"Mark's really lucky, even if he doesn't see it," Jeno tells him, and Donghyuck freezes.</p><p>The conversation with Jungwoo comes to mind, suddenly. With his sister. Donghyuck remains frozen as Jeno steps away, letting Donghyuck's hands drop completely. He goes to turn, to keep walking, and Donghyuck tries to kick himself into gear.</p><p>"I don't—" Donghyuck's voice is too loud, and he breaks it off, startled with his raised volume. He clears his throat, and tries again as Jeno turns around. "I don't like Mark."</p><p>"Donghyuck..." Jeno trails off, stepping closer to Donghyuck, and Donghyuck realises Jeno doesn't believe him.</p><p>"I don't like Mark, Jeno-yah," Donghyuck reaffirms, voice steady and strong with conviction. There's no one around them thankfully, but Donghyuck's careful to glance behind himself just in case. "Honestly. I don't. Not anymore."</p><p>Jeno's now the one frozen with shock, and Donghyuck can see all the questions swimming around in his brain, trying to make sense of them before he asks them. Donghyuck huffs, glancing up at the sky.</p><p>The stars really are nice up there, he thinks. Maybe Jeno has a point.</p><p>"His star faded not long after our fight," he explains, looking down to Jeno again. Jeno's still shocked, maybe still apprehensive to believe him, but Donghyuck knows Jeno will come to believe him — even if it's only for tonight, and he doesn't remember this come tomorrow.</p><p>Jeno reaches out for Donghyuck, and Donghyuck clasps their hands together and pulls himself closer to Jeno. He doesn't look up from their hands, despite Jeno's silent gaze asking him to.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't know why he says it. Maybe it's because he still feels the phantom touch of Jeno's hand over his chest, fingers pressing in, and Donghyuck bracing his heart to be broken once more.</p><p>Too close to Jeno knowing that one of the stars on Donghyuck's chest belongs to him.</p><p>He takes a breath, and says: "I don't like anyone now, Jeno-yah. I swear. No stars for me anymore."</p><p>Jeno's hand slackens a little in his own, but he doesn't let go of Donghyuck. Donghyuck doesn't look up to see Jeno's reaction — just turns, and sees Renjun and Jaemin walking back towards them with exaggerated gestures.</p><p>"We should hurry up," Donghyuck tells Jeno, tugging at his hands to pull him along. Jeno doesn't move for a second, but Donghyuck tugs again, and Jeno finally stumbles after him.</p><p>Donghyuck still doesn't think Jeno will remember this in the morning. He'd certainly prefer not to, after all. Easier to forget how easy it is for his heart to be broken.</p><p>"Well, we did say last one to this shop here buys ice-cream," Renjun says to them as they walk up.</p><p>Donghyuck sticks out his tongue. "We never heard the rules, so therefore we weren't playing. This one is between you two."</p><p>Jaemin immediately points at Renjun, who gives him such an affronted look that Donghyuck loses it laughing.</p><p>"We got here at the same time?" Renjun argues, and Jaemin just shrugs. "We were walking <em>together!"</em></p><p>"I stepped over this line first," Jaemin retorts, and Renjun runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief.</p><p>"You're just saying that because you're covering for Jeno," Renjun hisses, and Jaemin comes up to press himself behind Jeno, slinging an arm across his shoulders. "We made up that game so that one of them would pay!"</p><p>"Unfortunately, Donghyuck somehow walked faster than Jeno. As he said, he never heard the rules, so they weren't playing."</p><p>Renjun groans in frustration, and Donghyuck just pats his shoulder in sympathy. "Honestly I'm not even up for ice-cream. I'm ready to sleep right now."</p><p>"You're always sleeping lately," Jaemin points out, which Donghyuck can't really argue with. He certainly does inbetween schedules, but it's only because he likes staying up in the later hours himself.</p><p>"I'm ready to sleep," Jeno says, voice quiet. It's considerably a different mood than he was in a few minutes ago, but thankfully it seems it's passed off as nothing more than just that drunk-tired state hitting.</p><p>It seems to be hitting Renjun too, now that the idea of sleep has crossed into his mind. Jaemin, the most sober, sighs and orders a taxi for them to go home in.</p><p>"Didn't even get my ice-cream," Jaemin complains, and Renjun just glares at him.</p><p>"You don’t even eat dairy," he argues, and Jaemin scoffs.</p><p>"There's sorbet, Injunnie! There's always other options! You don't always need just standard ice-cream."</p><p>"Oh my god. We have sweets at home anyway, just eat one of those."</p><p>"It's not the same and you know it," Jaemin's voice is rising and lowering with dramatic tones, and Donghyuck's laughing in amusement about it.</p><p>Jeno's still rather quiet and subdued, and Donghyuck's worried about it. He knows it's from their conversation, but now he's not sure if Jeno will tell Jaemin about it all, if Jaemin will pry into why Jeno's surprisingly quiet while drunk.</p><p>Jeno most likely won't remember. But if he tells Jaemin, then Jaemin most certainly will.</p><p>Their taxi arrives and they climb in, Jaemin taking the front seat while the rest of them squish into the back. Donghyuck's still drunk enough that the ride passes in a bit of a blur, watching the streets pass by and not remembering most of it.</p><p>They stop close enough to the dorms, and they climb out with no more elegance than when they climbed in. Jeno's still wavering slightly, his world obviously tilting more than any of theirs, and Jaemin slides up to hold him steady at his side.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah, you coming up with us?" Renjun asks, but Donghyuck only takes a moment before he shakes his head with rejection.</p><p>"It's okay, I'll go back to my room," he replies, because he's not sure he wants to take the risk of staying over, and having Jeno or Jaemin look at him with a different gaze first thing in the morning. He doesn't quite know how he'll handle that one, probably hungover and tired, but he doubts it'll be handled well.</p><p>All these years, and they thought that Donghyuck is still in love with Mark.</p><p>Even as his other three soulmarks appeared. Soulmarks for <em>them.</em></p><p>He supposes he's always been in love — the feeling hasn't changed much. But the <em>people </em>have, and Donghyuck needs time to think about everyone still thinking he's in love with Mark.</p><p>"Okay," Renjun replies, then reaches out for a hug. "Sleep well, then. Thanks for coming out tonight, it was really fun. We'll see you soon."</p><p>Donghyuck lets himself sink in Renjun's hold for a moment, before pulling away. Jaemin, currently occupied with holding up Jeno, offers a polite wave and warm smile. Jeno offers him the same, but it looks a lot more troubled, and Donghyuck turns to walk to his own dorm with Jeno's expression playing in his mind.</p><p>Johnny's still awake when Donghyuck slowly opens up their door, glancing over from his phone and grinning at Donghyuck.</p><p>"Good night?" He asks quietly, and Donghyuck hums as he shuts the door behind him.</p><p>He tilts to the side for a moment as he walks into the room, and Johnny laughs softly. "Drink a bit tonight?"</p><p>"Too much," Donghyuck groans, grabbing clothes to sleep in before heading to their bathroom. Enough to let his mouth run unfiltered and lead him into awkward situations tonight, but not enough to forget them in the morning.</p><p>After showering and changing, he walks back into the room. Johnny's no longer in the room, so Donghyuck lets himself fall on his bed ungracefully to try and head straight to sleep.</p><p>Johnny walks back in though, coaxing him to sit up. He passes Donghyuck a painkiller and a glass of water, and Donghyuck sighs but swallows it down.</p><p>"You should dry your hair before you sleep, Haechannie," Johnny says, and Donghyuck groans at this, going to slip back down into his bed. Johnny grabs his arms and pulls him to sit up, then goes and picks up the hairdryer.</p><p>"You're cute when you're drunk, but also entirely useless," Johnny tells him before he turns it on, effectively drowning out any chance of Donghyuck's reply. Donghyuck just gives him a cute action of pouting and cupping his face with his hands, but he's tired and starting to lilt to the side a bit, eager to sleep.</p><p>Johnny manages to keep him up long enough to dry out his hair, then turns over Donghyuck's pillow so the earlier dampness isn't there when he lies back down.</p><p>Donghyuck sinks down into his bed, hair a fluffy mess now, and watches as Johnny climbs into his own bed.</p><p>"Johnny-hyung?" Donghyuck asks, before he can think better of it. "Do you think I'm in love with Mark?"</p><p>Johnny seems surprised with the question. "Still?"</p><p>"Yeah. Still. Do you think I'm still in love with him?"</p><p>Johnny seems to think over his answer for a while. "I... I don't know. I guess I haven't thought about it honestly."</p><p>He looks over at Donghyuck, but Donghyuck quickly turns his gaze to the ceiling.</p><p>Johnny takes a breath. "No. No, I don't think you are. I guess I never thought about it, because you've always loved Mark — for a period of time you loved him a certain way, a different way, but you've never really acted differently no matter <em>how </em>you've loved him."</p><p>"Which is why people think I'm still in love with him, right?" Donghyuck asks, and Johnny hums his agreement. "So why don't you think I am now?"</p><p>This time he glances over to Johnny, who's looking back at him in consideration. "Well, when you went out tonight, it wasn't with Mark. And now you're acting weird about him, and you honestly looked annoyed when I said I don't know if you still loved him. So going by that, I don't think you are."</p><p>"Well, you're right," Donghyuck grumpily admits, turning over in his bed to turn his back to Johnny.</p><p>"And I'm assuming other people aren't, which is why you're worked up about this?" Johnny pesters, and Donghyuck grunts. He's not up for talking anymore about his love life, but at least he's clarified with one more person that he's not in love with Mark anymore.</p><p>Johnny sighs. "It'll work out eventually, you know? You're honestly like... one of the universe's favourites or something. Things will work out for you, if you let them."</p><p>Donghyuck grunts again, beyond words while he's so close to sleep. Johnny sighs again pointedly, but Donghyuck hears him rustle his sheets as he settles down to sleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jeno doesn't remember their conversation.</p><p>It becomes clear to him the day after, and Renjun messages him going <em><strong>well, Jeno officially figured out his limit. He just doesn't remember how many it was, or anything past reaching the bar.</strong></em></p><p>Jeno — and most likely all of them — assume he's still in love with Mark. It means they <em>know </em>he's in love with someone, but they certainly don't expect it's the three of them. It's relieving, mostly, but Donghyuck also wants to finally clear out the idea he's still in love with Mark.</p><p>But if he tells them it's not Mark, will they start to suspect themselves? Will they figure it out?</p><p>It's another heartbreak waiting to happen, so Donghyuck says nothing. Jeno asks him about the night, while they're on their way to Indonesia for the KWave Festival, but Donghyuck just says he got embarrassingly cute and talked a lot of nonsense. Jeno doesn't seem suspicious, or like he wants to press it, so Donghyuck figures he's in the clear.</p><p>The recent trip to Vietnam was already enough on his heart, honestly. Now it's Indonesia, and he makes sure he doesn't act abnormally, makes sure he's having fun with all of them. Chenle hangs off him a fair amount, which helps to save his heart just a bit.</p><p>After all, it's a bit of a double whammy for both Jeno and Jaemin to walk around sleeveless in the heat while they look at the history of batik. Donghyuck figures both of them must be wearing coverings on their soulmark, because Jaemin's sleeves keep dipping close to his ribs, and there's absolutely no hint of a soulmark.</p><p>So Indonesia is a <em>time</em>, in which the heat of the country presses down on him, but so does the warmth of the soulmarks. The moment he sits down on the plane, ready for the flight home, he feels himself take a deep breath and it’s like he’s taking his first proper one in days.</p><p>He'll be in Indonesia again soon enough with 127, but he doubts it'll weigh as heavily on him as this trip is.</p><p>He doesn't mean to, but he glances over next to him. Jaemin's phone is angled to him on chance, and he's scrolling through his homescreen to find an app.</p><p>The wallpaper gets Donghyuck's attention. He recognises his own dark shirt, then remembers the scene. Donghyuck is in between Jeno and Renjun, pulling them as he runs towards the ocean in Vietnam.</p><p>He hadn't realised Jaemin had taken a photo of the moment. But there it sits, as Jaemin's homescreen wallpaper — Jeno, Donghyuck, and Renjun holding hands and running wildly.</p><p>Jaemin doesn't see him glancing over, because Donghyuck looks away the moment Jaemin finally settles on opening an app. He knows Jaemin will upload his photos soon enough, and if he doesn't then he'll just send them privately, so he doesn't ask about the photo.</p><p>He's back from his trip with 127 by the time Jaemin uploads the photo. He saves it quietly, as well as all the others Jaemin uploads. Johnny catches him looking through the photos at one point, saying nothing but does give Donghyuck a <em>look.</em></p><p>Donghyuck just flips him off for it, and it devolves quickly into a pillow-whacking contest between them both. Taeyong walks in at one point, coming in to ask a question, then just backs away and shuts the door behind him once he sees both of them wrestling in their room.</p><p>September ends, and with it come even more preparations for The Dream Show.</p><p>It means new choreography — for all of them, but especially Donghyuck, who has yet to perform Don't Need Your Love. They have to record a version with his vocals over Harvey's for their performances, and Donghyuck's going fine with it.</p><p>He <em>is</em>, even when there's a section in the choreography where he's paired with Jaemin and he has to do his best <em>not </em>to look at him, because Jaemin looks unfairly good even when they're sweaty and in clothes to practice in.</p><p>And then they start to learn the ending, and Donghyuck's seen their choreographer replaying this part, changing it up until he's satisfied. He finally seems to work it out, gesturing for Donghyuck and Renjun to listen.</p><p>"Okay, you two walk together and meet in the middle. Closer, <em>closer." </em>Their choreographer comes up to them and pushes them together, pressing their foreheads together. Donghyuck's heart is pounding because this is just choreography, but it's still so intimate to be pressed this close.</p><p>Donghyuck knows exactly what the angle for this is, and he's dreading it. Their choreographer confirms it, patting the top of their heads. "Alright, for this bit — imagine you two are demonstrating that you're lovers. Renjun, this is your line when you're together, so think about your movements here."</p><p>Donghyuck and Renjun can't help but pull a face at each other. Donghyuck's trying to shake off the implication that he's lovers with Renjun — especially because the song is about <em>not </em>needing love. It means they'll act like they’re together for just a moment, but then ultimately walk away from each other in the end.</p><p>The rest of the members are laughing at them, because the whole move is very clearly pandering for fanservice. Chenle's cooing at them, laughing menacingly as he does so, while Jisung's making gagging noises in the background.</p><p>For the choreographer, this is just one moment in the song. It's just a few seconds for Donghyuck to endure, right near the end, so the choreographer skips over it fairly quickly and they finish up with the whole song only a few minutes later.</p><p>It's a small moment purely meant for fans. It's going to be awkward doing it, but Donghyuck's learned by now their choreographer isn't one to meddle with. So he will be professional, and he will <em>do </em>this.</p><p>They go through the section of the song again, and Donghyuck quickly realises he cannot do this.</p><p>He looks up at the ceiling as they practice. Looks at the others who are walking to the back of their practice room as per the choreography. Keeps looking to the side as he steps up closely to Renjun, who does some kind of hand motion.</p><p>They finish up going over the section, and their choreographer makes a few comments. Then, to Donghyuck's dread, he goes over his little moment with Renjun.</p><p>"You two need to interact. Stare each other down with sad, longing facial expressions. Or better yet, touch. Something that the fans will love — so maybe one of you holding the other's neck? Or jaw. Or <em>something. </em>Just ... don't do whatever that was, because it looks awkward for <em>everyone. </em>It'll be awkward for you both, but the fans will love it as long as it doesn't <em>look </em>awkward."</p><p>It becomes a bit of a problem. Their choreographer just tells them to work on it until it's not awkward — he doesn't look overly stressed by it, as they still have over a month until the actual performance, and there's plenty of other things to be concerned with.</p><p>Like Jaemin forgetting all the old choreography. He's remembered more than he usually does, but Donghyuck sees a blank look cross his face more often than not the second their choreographer wants to look over one of their older songs.</p><p>Still, it's certainly Donghyuck's biggest problem. He still can't look at Renjun as they walk towards each other, and then trying to suddenly make eye contact with their foreheads almost touching is just <em>awkward.</em></p><p>Renjun's the same at least. They either both crack up into laughter, unable to hold the tense, serious atmosphere required. Or more like Donghyuck refuses to even go near it in the first place, because everything about the damn song still feels a little too hard hitting, and he fears that his "serious, longing gaze" will be all too easy to discern that there's something very real about it.</p><p>He hears the others groan at them when they stuff it up once again, but their choreographer just sighs and waves it off. The days are going by fast, more concert preparations being made, and they're running out of time to get it right.</p><p>Still, it's only one small part of the concert. They're all extremely excited — the first proper concert of Dream's, just <em>theirs, </em>and they're practicing hard for it. It means they're all eager to do their best, but they're nervous too, and practices start to become a little more tense, a little more tiring as the days go on.</p><p>Donghyuck's also got some practices with 127, as he'll be in Singapore for the weekend before The Dream Show. It means that whenever he gets a chance, he crashes down on the practice room's couches and takes naps while they're working over specific segments he's not needed for.</p><p>It's the first time they've prepared something so big as Dream, and it means they work to push themselves, to encourage and support each other. It doesn't go without tense fights at times, usually over choreography placements, but it's smoothed over quickly with the help of everyone.</p><p>Donghyuck's become accustomed to his members running their fingers through his hair, or wrapping themselves around his back, or in turn letting Donghyuck do so. It's their way of supporting him, and Donghyuck is grateful for it.</p><p>They become closer through it all — learn how they all work with this pressure. Donghyuck's done tours with 127, but not with Dream, and it's a different dynamic he needs to learn.</p><p>He misses Mark, too. He's busy with SuperM, but Mark's always been through Donghyuck's side with his concert preparations — and <em>should </em>be here for Dream, too. He would have been a year earlier, and Donghyuck misses his reassuring presence with an ache in his chest.</p><p>They film VCR's for the concerts, and at one point Donghyuck's settled on the couch while on set. Jaemin's beside him, reaching out for the snacks on the table to eat from. They're both tired, and Donghyuck has his head back against the couch, starting to fall asleep.</p><p>He feels Jaemin move beside him, settling properly into the corner of the couch, and Donghyuck doesn't realise how much weight he has leaning on Jaemin until he falls with him. He goes to stir, to move off of Jaemin because he's now accidentally leaning entirely on him, but Jaemin's hand flaps around until he makes contact with Donghyuck's thigh.</p><p>"S'okay," Jaemin reassures, his voice deep and groggy. "Just sleep."</p><p>Donghyuck, with his head on Jaemin's shoulder, doesn't bother moving. He falls asleep, only stirring when they're called upon a while later.</p><p>Donghyuck wakes first. There's a slight crick in his neck from the awkward angle, and it takes him only a moment more to realise what — or who — he's leaned up against. He sits up as best as he can, tired and a bit grouchy as he's manoeuvred around right after waking up. When he realises, he knows his cheeks have turned red in embarrassment.</p><p>Jaemin's struggling to wake up, so it gives Donghyuck a couple of moments to look. To realise just how close they were together, how comfortable it was lying against him.</p><p>They're both tactile people, and contact between them isn't unfamiliar. But Donghyuck reminds himself that Jaemin is Jeno's, that this type of familiarity and comfort will never go beyond platonic. And Donghyuck's not willing to unbalance that trust between them, to ever make Jaemin feel uncomfortable with it.</p><p>He hurriedly gets up before Jaemin properly wakes up, leaving behind the feeling of being so warm, of feeling safe and comforted.</p><p>Later, when he checks his phone, he sees that both Jeno and Jisung have posted photos of the two of them sleeping to the group chat.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't look at Jaemin for the rest of the day, because he's scared the red flush will never leave his cheeks.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>There's not much time before they start doing full run-throughs. Then it won't be long until Donghyuck's in Singapore for 127 — and then he'll be back, and they'll be at the indoor stadium to properly practice for a couple of days before practicing at the concert hall.</p><p>So there's not a lot of practices left, and Donghyuck and Renjun have yet to successfully complete the damn move in Don't Need Your Love.</p><p>He's even ranted to Johnny about it at this rate, who raises a disbelieving eyebrow at his conundrum.</p><p>"Isn't Renjun like... the one you <em>least </em>gay-panic around?" Johnny asks, and Donghyuck reaches out to throw a pillow at him. Johnny's figured out — or more like Donghyuck's just stopped being subtle about it — who Donghyuck's in love with, which thankfully makes ranting to him a lot easier.</p><p>"I gay-panic around all of them at this rate. But like, when we flirt or play around or whatever, it's never <em>serious. </em>Jaemin flirts back jokingly. Renjun just gets mad and cute. Jeno... Well, actually, he's hard to flirt with. But it's usually not like...<em>this </em>on stage."</p><p>"I mean, you do it with Taeil," Johnny points out, and Donghyuck sighs.</p><p>"It's not the same<em>. </em>That's not serious either. I can look at Taeil like that because I don't actually feel those things. Meanwhile I have to look at Renjun, and to <em>quote,  </em>'look like lovers.' Like lost, longing lovers."</p><p>"Oof," Johnny says, very unhelpfully. "Well, that does seem a little too close to reality, I guess. But Haechannie, remember it's a <em>performance. </em>You're very good at that — so focus on just acting. Focus on the fans. This is for them, anyway."</p><p>It's not necessarily a <em>bad </em>piece of advice, but for some damn reason Donghyuck's brain has taken <em>for the fans </em>as something dangerous. Will they be able to tell? Will one of them be able to look at him, and know all too well the feeling of looking at a soulmark but knowing you'll never have them?</p><p>He hits his head back on the practice room walls from where he's now sitting, frustrated. He refuses to put on a performance anything less than what he'll be satisfied with — meaning close to perfect, and he doesn't want this to best him.</p><p>He <em>won't </em>have this best him.</p><p>Donghyuck's known for having an intense gaze on stage. He's more at risk if he <em>doesn't </em>do this with Renjun, because then it's clear there's something different about Renjun to everyone else.</p><p>It bubbles inside him until it boils over. He's frustrated and tired, and he wants this thing solved before it becomes an even bigger issue. They'll have to start practicing with more staff around, especially once full run-throughs start, so Donghyuck doesn't want to disappoint with his performance.</p><p>Renjun's practicing in the mirror. Right now the choreographer is distracted with Jeno, who's practicing some of his tricks, so the rest of them have taken to resting or practicing.</p><p>"Injunnie," Donghyuck greets, and Renjun stops his movements to look over at Donghyuck.</p><p>"What's up?"</p><p>"Let's go over this move. Let's do it until we get it, okay?" Donghyuck says, and Renjun knows immediately what move it is. It's been frustrating both of them, neither of them able to hold contact properly, to portray the emotions required. Renjun quickly agrees, waiting for Donghyuck's idea.</p><p>"Okay, let's just... you stand there, and we'll meet in the middle," Donghyuck instructs, stepping back. He can probably get away with looking up at the ceiling until they meet at least, and he forces himself to relax.</p><p>He <em>can </em>do this. He can hold Renjun's gaze — it'll only be a couple of seconds, barely that. Renjun or Donghyuck can break it to look into the crowd if they have to during performances.</p><p>He counts them down, and they stride towards each other. They meet in the middle, and then both of them pause, faces very close to each other. Donghyuck refuses to break his own gaze, to break the sudden atmosphere by laughing or smiling just so the pressure eases.</p><p>Donghyuck's basically holding his breath. Renjun goes to make a movement, but then falters. The moment of hesitation costs him, because he laughs nervously, breaking to step back.</p><p>"Ah, sorry," Renjun apologises, shaking out his hand. "I just... I'm still not sure about the movement, honestly."</p><p>"Then let's practice. Here, one of us can look into the mirror to see how it looks?" Donghyuck offers, and Renjun lets out a slow breath before he nods.</p><p>"I'll look then, because I'm the one doing it," Renjun agrees. Donghyuck purses his lips, and does his best to hold his head steady. He stares at a point past Renjun's shoulder, intent on keeping his gaze down and away so he doesn't see what Renjun's actually doing.</p><p>He feels Renjun's hand on his shoulder, settling there for a few seconds before Renjun mutters that it looks too casual and awkward, dropping it. Donghyuck still doesn't look at the mirror, just waits until he can feel Renjun move again.</p><p>There's a small brush of air on Donghyuck's cheek, and that's all the warning he gets before Renjun's hand cups it. Donghyuck's holding his breath again, waiting until Renjun's fingers trail down his cheek until his hand drops.</p><p>Renjun tries out a couple more moves. Resting his fingers in Donghyuck's hair. On the back of his neck. He tries a few things on the side of Donghyuck's face, until he finally seems to decide. "Okay, okay I think I got it. I think this will look best."</p><p>His hand is still on the side of Donghyuck's face, and Donghyuck turns his head slightly to look in the mirror. He can feel it, so it's not like this is a surprise, but it's different <em>seeing </em>it. How intimate they look, so close together, Renjun's hand pressed to his cheek like he could—</p><p>Donghyuck cuts off the thought. He forcefully grins, giving a thumbs-up. "Then let's do it."</p><p>"Let's practice again," Renjun says, and Donghyuck agrees without questioning it, even though his heart is pretty much saying <em>please god no more</em>. They both step back, counting themselves in, and Donghyuck forces himself to stare at that same point past Renjun's shoulder. Holds his breath as Renjun's hand cups the side of his face, then breaks the contact and steps back.</p><p>They go one more time, just to make sure they can hold it again. Donghyuck forces himself to stare now at Renjun's neck — a little closer than the floor, but still not holding his gaze properly.</p><p>It's as good as they're going to get today. Donghyuck will eventually force himself to stare right back at Renjun, or maybe at a point on his cheeks, but it's significant progress. Their choreographer, watching out the corner of his eyes apparently, gives them a smile.</p><p>As practices continue, Donghyuck's not all too sure if he's any more relieved for the move now that they have it down. He spends minutes agonising over just that brief second, where everything feels too exposed and intimate, and he tries to avoid running over it again.</p><p>There's cameras on them for some behind the scenes footage, and Donghyuck does his best to fill them with content the fans will like. It's easy to fall into that persona on camera, where he can hype himself up and just focus on making it entertaining.</p><p>He's aware there's a camera on him, which is why — at one point — he falls into an easy hug between Jeno and Jaemin. His head falls forward, and he realises suddenly how much they've <em>grown. </em>At one point Donghyuck was the tallest, but now Jeno and Jaemin can basically cover him together.</p><p>The thought comes to mind, taking his focus, so he doesn't notice Jaemin pressing light kisses to his neck until he's already pressed a couple. Donghyuck knows it's for the camera, that easy affection, but Donghyuck's heart is racing and he squirms quickly out of the hold, wanting to try and stop the feeling of it.</p><p>He shivers and Jeno and Jaemin are laughing at him, because Donghyuck's exaggeratingly reacting for the camera, and Donghyuck tells himself over and over that <em>it's just for the camera.</em></p><p>It doesn't really make it any better. The thought that Jaemin will kiss his neck, and do such silly things, only because there's a camera around — something in his heart hurts about that, but he refuses to let it break again.</p><p>So he smiles and laughs, and carefully patches up his heart and tells himself <em>this is as good as you get, Donghyuck. Don’t hope for anything more.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Eventually it's November, and they start doing full run-throughs in the practice room to set out the stage. The date of their concert is getting closer and closer, and Donghyuck's nerves get higher.</p><p>He leaves Dream practices for Singapore, with now just a week to go until Dream's concert. It gives him a bit of space to think about other things at least, to take a step back and just focus on 127 and not let himself stress about Dream.</p><p>Mark comes to find him at one point, once the concert is over and they're packing up and getting ready to leave. They haven't had much time to talk lately between Donghyuck with Dream and Mark with SuperM, so Donghyuck welcomes the conversation even though he's ready to sleep now.</p><p>He starts attempting to rap Mark's verse in Jopping, and Mark laughs and does his best to cover his mouth to stop him. It doesn't work, because Donghyuck just gets louder, drawing the attention of the other members. Johnny and Yuta join in, and Mark just gives up and flops down.</p><p>As soon as Donghyuck's done the hype disappears, and Yuta and Johnny slink away like nothing happened. Mark looks surprised, but otherwise leads into the conversation.</p><p>"How's Dream going?" He asks, and Donghyuck thinks it over.</p><p>He knows it's hard for Mark. Not able to be part of Dream's first actual concert, and won't even be able to see it as he's flying out for SuperM.</p><p>Donghyuck has a suspicion that Mark is relieved at the timing though. He imagines it'd be even harder to just <em>watch </em>it, watching your old unit do their first concert and knowing you're not part of it.</p><p>"They're really excited," Donghyuck answers truthfully. "Working really hard. We're making sure to show our best."</p><p>Mark nods along, looking relieved for the most part, but also saddened. Donghyuck reaches out to tap at his cheeks. "They miss you, you know. But we're going to do really well, so make sure you cheer for us!"</p><p>"Of course," Mark grins, sitting back. "I expect nothing less. Chenle's been messaging me a lot and keeping me updated anyway. Seems like it's going really well, and I know you guys will be awesome."</p><p>"Obviously," Donghyuck agrees. "So, are you excited to hit the States again?"</p><p>Mark groans, stretching out. "God, I'm not excited for another long flight, I'll admit that much. But it'll be fun, so yeah, I guess so."</p><p>When they leave Singapore, Mark and Taeyong are barely back in South Korea before they're flying out to Dallas. They wish each other good luck for their concerts, and in the afternoon Donghyuck heads over to the indoor stadium to start their practices there.</p><p>It's easy to keep up a lighter atmosphere as they play around and bounce off each other. The couple of days in the indoor stadium lead to the concert hall practices soon enough, where there's a bit more tension as the concert draws closer.</p><p>And then all too soon Donghyuck's waking up on the 14th, and it's the first concert day. It's making him a bit jittery with nerves, which Johnny seems to find amusing, but still does his best to help calm Donghyuck down.</p><p>"I'll be there tonight, by the way," Johnny reminds him, and Donghyuck faintly remembers being told this. "Taeil, Jaehyun, Doyoung and Yuta are coming too. I've also heard Kun and... Xiaojun, I think?"</p><p>"Yeah, Chenle mentioned them," Donghyuck replies, packing his bag for the day. He's given himself a bit of time before they need to head to the venue so he can shake out his nerves.</p><p>He makes sure to eat breakfast, to shower, double and triple check he's got his phone and charger on him, and it still doesn't feel like enough time. Soon enough his manager messages, saying to be ready to go in ten, and Donghyuck lets out a long breath.</p><p>Johnny opens up his arms as Donghyuck starts to prepare to leave, and Donghyuck folds into the hug easily.</p><p>"You'll be fine, Haechannie. You're always fantastic on stage. You all are, so just remember to have fun and enjoy it, okay? I'll see you later."</p><p>Donghyuck nods against his chest, then steps back and goes to leave.</p><p>They're all nervous. It's the first day, which means it'll be the most nerve-wracking for them all, and Donghyuck can feel the nervous tension in the air.</p><p>Donghyuck catches himself privately checking the covering of his chest a few times, making sure his soulmarks are completely concealed. His stage outfits don't have much of a risk of revealing anything, but his nervous energy is making him triple check for things he usually wouldn't worry about.</p><p>He hears Johnny and the other members yelling down the hallway before they even enter the backstage waiting room. They give Donghyuck and the members a distraction from their nerves, lightening up the air and cheering for them all before the concert starts, showing off their ridiculously bright clothes to support them.</p><p>Jaehyun comes over to him at one point, slinging an arm around his shoulders.</p><p>"Haven't seen you this tense in a while," Jaehyun says quietly. Donghyuck reaches up to play with Jaehyun's fingers, considering the words.</p><p>They're all tense, and it's gone unsaid between them, but this could be the final concert for them. Not just in Dream, either — for some of the members, this could be their <em>only </em>one. And if Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun and himself graduate, then they'll never get the chance to perform together again. Not unless they end up in a U unit together in future, which is unlikely.</p><p>This will be their first concert together, but it could be their only one. It's weighing heavily on their hearts.</p><p>He doesn't reply to Jaehyun, and doesn't get the chance to as the older members are beckoned out of the room as it gets close to the start of the concert. Jaehyun gives him a quick side-hug and a reassuring smile, and then is gone from the room.</p><p>Not long after that, they're moved in the hall, getting ready to move to the stage. They do their chant, and they share encouraging touches with back-pats and shoulder squeezes, and then all too soon they're up on stage and performing.</p><p>It's easy to get swept up in the performance. Donghyuck feels his nerves settle as the adrenaline starts to come in, as he simply lets himself focus on the movements and enjoying the stage. Their fans are loud and enthusiastic, and it helps him in focusing on having a good time with them.</p><p>The first show goes well. By the second they're a lot more settled, the nerves of the first day being relieved with a good performance, and so they approach the second day with a lot more ease.</p><p>Some of their families are in the crowd, which helps to up the tension between them all. They're excited to show off to their families, ready to make them proud. Donghyuck's own are out in the audience too, so he's eager to perform.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin both look like they're up to something today. They're talking a lot more between themselves, and Jeno keeps patting down his chest like he's trying to calm down his heart.</p><p>Donghyuck catches both of them glancing at the mirror as they're changing outfits. They pull at their shirts, revealing their bare chests, inspecting them closely in the mirror as much as they can while in the hurry of changing clothes.</p><p>It's bare. No soulmarks on them to be seen.</p><p>They've covered them, and are <em>really </em>making sure they won't be seen. Donghyuck suspected they've been working up to this — they've been working out, building muscle, and Donghyuck's caught glances of their stomachs before while in practice.</p><p>Still, it'll be something else entirely for them both to purposely show it on stage.</p><p>And Donghyuck can tell the moment one of them does it during the concert, as the fans go absolutely <em>wild </em>during Boom, and quickly realises it's Jeno.</p><p>His mind blanks out a bit. Honestly, it blanks out when Jaemin does it too during their talk on stage with the fans.</p><p>When the show ends and their families come backstage, Donghyuck's sister just comes up to him and <em>laughs. </em>She shoves a plush toy in his hands, which he now refuses to let go of and is going to proudly show off. Later, though, when his sister isn't around and making fun of him.</p><p>"I get it now," she tells him jokingly, hooking her arms around his elbow and continuing to laugh at his state. Their dad keeps taking photos of the two of them together, ushering them up against the wall and posing. Their younger brothers join in too, their parents proudly taking photos.</p><p>Jeno and Renjun come up to Donghyuck's parents, offering to take photos with their phones so they can get some family photos. Immediately his parents start gushing about the two of them, how well they performed on the stage, which just makes his sister laugh even more — though to be fair, she's doing her best to hide it so she isn't asked about it.</p><p>Donghyuck's then pulled into photos with the other members and with different families. Then his own parents pull some of the members into their own photos, and Donghyuck will nag them for the photos later. A staff member manages to take a photo of all the members plus the families that came, and it takes a while until the families finally deem there's enough photos.</p><p>His sister took the plush toy off him for a while with the photos, but she passes it back over once they're all done.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't want to let go of the plush toy, much less his family, but they need to leave the backstage area. He does manage to secure dinner plans with his family though, so he'll meet up with them once they leave the building.</p><p>Donghyuck can't head straight to dinner, not with the risk of being followed from the venue. He heads back to the dorm, changing quickly, and thankfully it's not too long before he's sat in a restaurant with his family. They continue to gush about his performance while he sinks in his seat out of embarrassment because his dad is <em>definitely </em>going overboard.</p><p>His mum, thankfully, eases up and diverts to gushing about the other members instead of just him. "They're such lovely boys. I'll admit, as your mother, I was definitely watching you for the whole concert, but you all work together so well."</p><p>Donghyuck smiles, but it's slightly tinged with sadness. They <em>do, </em>which is why it sucks this might be their only time to really show it at a concert. "Yeah, I think so too."</p><p>"I mean, you had so many sweet moments on stage," his mum says, but now there's something teasing in her tone which immediately has him wary. "That video at the end was cute, too. You should let Jaemin take more photos of you, they always look really nice."</p><p>"<em>Mum," </em>he complains, but even his dad chimes in his agreement, proudly showing Donghyuck that he's saved the photos Jaemin's taken, figuring out how to make folders in his photos for that sole purpose.</p><p>"Chenle and Jisung have grown up so well, too. It's easy to see how much you all adore them, and they adore you too," his mum continues on, and Donghyuck groans, setting his head in his hands.</p><p>"I mean, you've all grown up so well! Look at Jeno and Jaemin, showing off and all. Jeno absolutely had every right to get you back, by the way — and why can't you show off too? You have a nice body!"</p><p>"<em>Mum!" </em>His sister echoes his scandalised cry.</p><p>"You should have confidence! As much confidence as you do in your voice at the least."</p><p>"Mum, that would mean he'd go around shirtless <em>everywhere </em>in that case," his sister retorts, and their mum waves her off.</p><p>"Let him! He should. I'm sure the other boys wouldn't mind." There's that teasing tone back in her voice, but Donghyuck's still too mortified to properly analyse <em>why </em>she's taken on a specific tone of teasing.</p><p>"Oh my god," he says, once again at the same time as his sister.</p><p>"And that moment in your song, Don't Need Your Love. That was sweet with Renjun," his mum continues, and Donghyuck's heart rate picks up rapidly. The tone of teasing sounds too close to — <em>something. </em>To figuring out, to <em>knowing </em>Donghyuck's turmoil with his members.</p><p>"Mum, the song is about like... lovers <em>not </em>getting together. Like, the opposite of sweet," his sister replies, shaking her head. It's an attempt to end the conversation, her way of helping out Donghyuck, and she goes to add some more food to her plate, as well as topping up Donghyuck's.</p><p>"I'm not talking about the <em>song. </em>I'm just talking about that moment between you two."</p><p>His mum is purposely giving Donghyuck a pointed look, and he's extremely nervous that he's right about what she's trying to actually say. He just smiles politely to end the conversation, then shoves down some of the food his sister gave him.</p><p>The rest of the night passes with them, talking about what they've been up to back in Jeju, as well as Donghyuck's plans for the rest of the year. They promise they'll tune in to all his performances when they can, and his dad accidentally admits to watching all of Donghyuck's fancams when possible.</p><p>His sister nudges him in the side, whispering "honestly, he watches fancams of all the members. It's cute. I think he might bias Taeil though, sorry."</p><p>"That's completely fair," Donghyuck replies, nodding seriously. "I accept that."</p><p>He does have to leave eventually, head back to the dorms so he can rest before the show tomorrow. His parents give him big hugs, as do his siblings.</p><p>His mum squeezes his cheeks as they leave, still intent on teasing him. "Try not to cry tomorrow, my little galaxy."</p><p>It's been a while since he's heard the nickname, and his breath suddenly catches. It reminds him of the slight meltdown he had not too long ago in his bathroom, of being reminded about the story of being a galaxy. He nods rather joltingly, then puffs his cheeks. "I'm not going to!"</p><p>She just laughs at him, now patting his cheeks and clearly not believing him.</p><p>To her credit, she's absolutely right not to believe him.</p><p>Their final day of the concert in Seoul is like releasing all the pressure, all the built up tension over the past couple of performances. Letting go of all the stress from the last couple of months leading up to it, and realising this is <em>it.</em></p><p>He's felt like he's on the edge of something for a while now, and he's right at the brink of falling. He's thankful to his fans. Especially thankful to his members, remembering all their moments leading up to this final concert.</p><p>It also doesn't help that Mark sent a message to them all earlier in the day, wishing them luck for their final day of the concert. Donghyuck feels that missing presence weigh upon him, the fear that this will be his final concert with Dream, and everything just comes spilling out during his final ment.</p><p>So his mum is unfortunately right. He's still dabbing at his eyes after the concert is done, and they're all backstage. There's photos to be had, some other family members coming for the final day, and Donghyuck does his best to wipe at his eyes because if his mum sees any of the photos she'll tease him for it.</p><p>They huddle together at the end of the show, just basking in their concert finishing up. There's less pressure to pack up, to go home as quickly as possible, because it's all over now. They don't have a concert tomorrow to worry about — they will in two weeks for Bangkok, and then their tour for other parts of Asia, but this is it for Seoul.</p><p>Donghyuck feels the adrenaline crash from the end of their concert, curling up in the van and intending to go to sleep. He's usually keyed up after a concert, still running on adrenaline and excitement, but today has hit him harder. He feels a bit guilty for bringing down the mood, for being the first to start getting emotional and crying, but at least it was relieved slightly by Jaemin near the end.</p><p>Jaemin sits beside him in the van at the back. He sheds his jacket once inside the van, the heaters already blasting, and passes it to Donghyuck to give him some extra cushioning. Donghyuck doesn't even fight it, just grips the jacket tightly and holds it the best he can like it's a pillow, the usual way he sleeps by holding something.</p><p>He falls asleep, barely disturbed by everyone's chattering. It's probably because Renjun presses airpods into his ears gently, turning on a calm playlist and keeping it a low level — just enough to block out the rest of the noises.</p><p>Jaemin shakes him awake gently, taking out the airpods and passing them back to Renjun as Donghyuck stirs. He's out first for the 127 dorms, and he grabs his things and shuffles inside, doing his best to wake up.</p><p>He waves goodnight to the others, yawning around his words, and heads inside. Doyoung greets him with an excited and proud smile, then asks if he's eaten.</p><p>Donghyuck yawns again. "At the concert."</p><p>"Before?"</p><p>He nods, and Doyoung isn't totally pleased. "I can make you something?" He offers, and Donghyuck can see the way his mind is already whirring to think of a meal.</p><p>Donghyuck isn't sure he'll stay awake for it, but his stomach growls and answers the question for him. Doyoung encourages him to go wash up, and he'll make something quick and easy so Donghyuck can head to sleep.</p><p>Johnny steps out of the bathroom when Donghyuck steps in the room, greeting Donghyuck with the same excited energy as Doyoung. "Hey, how'd the final day go? I saw some clips on Twitter."</p><p>"Well that's illegal," Donghyuck points out, but it's not like he doesn't do the same thing. And then he remembers how he cried, and winces when he realises that's probably all over Twitter by now.</p><p>"Is it if I'm part of NCT?" Johnny asks, and Donghyuck shrugs.</p><p>"You're not in Dream. You're too tall, which is also illegal in Dream."</p><p>He enters the bathroom before Johnny can even reply, shutting the door behind him. He takes a long shower, standing under the warm spray as he lets his muscles ease up. It's a while before he steps out, everything fogged up around him, and he realises he hasn't bothered to get clean clothes.</p><p>He scrubbed away the covering on his soulmarks while in the shower, so they're glowing visibly. He's too tired to be too concerned about it. Johnny hasn't seen them, but Donghyuck knows he certainly suspects, and he figures it's really not so bad if Johnny sees them.</p><p>He ties the towel around his waist, then slowly opens up the bathroom door. He makes sure their bedroom door is closed before he steps out, and Johnny's eyes fall onto him. It's usually safe to do so, as Donghyuck always changes in the bathroom, so Donghyuck can't fault him for it.</p><p>Johnny's mouth opens with surprise, eyes glancing at Donghyuck's very visibly glowing chest before he purposely darts his eyes away, giving Donghyuck the privacy of getting changed in their room.</p><p>There's a tense silence as Donghyuck gets changed. Johnny tries to break it by connecting his phone to the speakers, playing some music so that the silence between them isn't so obvious.</p><p>After he's changed he goes back in the bathroom to hang his towel up and finish up his skincare routine. He's a little more awake after showering, enough that he'll be able to last through eating, but the temptation to sleep weighs heavily.</p><p>Johnny doesn't say anything as Donghyuck walks back out, sitting at their table in the main room. He watches Doyoung in the kitchen, who's asking him questions about the concert.</p><p>Doyoung also takes the opportunity to say how he enjoyed the show, speaking about all his highlights. He laughs as he recalls Johnny in the stands, but Donghyuck pulls up a video of <em>both </em>of them being excited, so Doyoung can't laugh too much about Johnny's excitement.</p><p>His dad messages him suddenly, and Donghyuck opens their chat to see a flood of photos. It's the ones taken from the concert backstage, as well as his own photos that he took while in the crowd.</p><p>He forwards them all to the group chat, where some of them have already posted their own photos over the past three days. Donghyuck sets the one with his family and all the members as his wallpapers.</p><p>Doyoung places a bowl in front of him, putting down another small one for himself.</p><p>"Thanks for the meal, hyung," Donghyuck says, putting as much appreciation as he can into his voice. They're the two that like to cook the most in the dorm, but it's been a while since they've done it for each other.</p><p>"If you can't finish it tonight, just promise to tomorrow. You have to eat well and look after yourself, you've still got a few heavy schedules ahead." Doyoung's not wrong — there's a tight few days coming up, where he's in America again for 127, then with Dream in Bangkok only a couple days later.</p><p>"I will," Donghyuck promises, though he knows he's usually not the best at it. They eat quietly after that, as Donghyuck doesn't have the energy to keep up with any proper conversation.</p><p>He does manage to finish it all, hungrier than he initially thought, but now the full meal means he's even more lethargic.</p><p>Doyoung waves him off to bed when he goes to clean up their bowls. "Don't worry about it. Just sleep well, hm?"</p><p>"Thanks hyung," he says, yawning again. He shuffles off to his room, and heads straight into his bed. Johnny turns off the lamp once Donghyuck's under his blanket, the room falling into darkness.</p><p>He remembers Jaemin pressing his coat into Donghyuck’s hands in the van. Renjun giving him his airpods. Jeno’s small and soft smile as he waved goodnight to Donghyuck.</p><p>That night, Donghyuck dreams of a bright, beautiful night sky. But the stars flicker and waver like the flames of a candle, blown out one by one every time he looks at one.</p><p>Each and every star fades away until Donghyuck is just left staring at a black abyss, and he’s left wondering what he’s done so wrong to cause it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>tbh his schedule is insane i still don't know exactly where he fit in the boom mv filming, i went off other people's speculations that it was around the 3-4th of June :')<br/>also can u tell i really love DNYL oop-<br/>As always pls feel free to hit up my <a href="https://twitter.com/shiningstarhwa">twitter</a> and just,, yell at me abt nct or anything &lt;3 Kudos/bookmarks/comments are always loved and appreciated, thank you for reading &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maybe this is what Renjun is leading him to, he realises. Jeno and Jaemin sat down with Renjun and Donghyuck to tell them they’re dating. Maybe it's fallen onto Renjun to tell Donghyuck he's now with both of them.</p><p>It makes more sense, and dread settles in his stomach. He suspected of course, but the confirmation always hurts — knowing that he was right, that he's not part of them, that he's the one left out here.</p><p>--</p><p>Late 2019 to 2020. Things start to come to a head.</p><p>Donghyuck's not ready for it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Final chapter ! Thank you for making it this far &lt;3<br/>(and let's pretend Jeno got his license)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next two weeks consists of practice for both Dream and 127. It's tiring, but Donghyuck is enjoying it — especially with the realisation that almost a year ago now he was on break because of his injury.</p><p>And, fingers crossed, he'll be fine to participate in the fan-meetings and the concerts for the end of year this time. He's looking forward to wrapping up the year with good performances, so he's in high spirits during practices.</p><p>He's messing around with Dream during their practice, all of them teasing each other for the upcoming show. Teasing Jisung about crying, which quickly turns into teasing Donghyuck for the same thing, and <em>then </em>teasing Jaemin for just laughing during the whole segment.</p><p>Quickly it devolves into teasing Jaemin for showing off his abs, and then of course Jeno does not escape unscathed. Donghyuck's playing around with Chenle, and isn't really thinking as they both poke at Jeno's stomach, lifting the shirt up and tease that they're checking he can still show them for the next show.</p><p>"If they're gone, you can borrow mine!" Donghyuck laughs, patting his own stomach — which is faintly toned thanks to all their practices lately, but definitely not Jaemin and Jeno levels of sculpting.</p><p>He really isn't thinking about it. Usually he puts on coverings anyway just in case — has noticed the others do the same as well, so they're usually not too stressed about shirts being lifted or showing skin.</p><p>Usually, anyway.</p><p>“Hyung, I highly doubt you have anything to give,” Jisung says to him, apparently taking his chance to be a menace while Donghyuck is focused on something else.</p><p>Jeno’s pushing their hands away, valiantly putting up an effort to keep his shirt down. He’s playful though, not panicked or stressed about it actually slipping up, so Chenle and Donghyuck resume their attempts.</p><p>Donghyuck turns around quickly to stick out his tongue at Jisung, then goes to reach for Jeno again as Chenle does the same. "I do! You could seriously do some washing on my abs, I'm not kidding."</p><p>He definitely is kidding, and they all know it well. So Jisung laughs, and like the terror he is, demands that Donghyuck shows them off then.</p><p>Donghyuck gasps, acting scandalised. "They're <em>shy, </em>you'll scare them."</p><p>Donghyuck still has most of his attention on Jeno and Chenle, so he misses Jisung lunging for him. Jisung's fingers suddenly come around, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and attempting to lift it up.</p><p>And Donghyuck very suddenly remembers that he never applied any coverings today.</p><p>He’s usually careful about it, especially with Dream’s tendency to wrestle around. On the worse days — the days he’s truly paranoid and scared they’ll see it — he covers up the usual coverings with tape, just to be certain.</p><p>Except today, Donghyuck had meant to go back to the dorm before practice and put it on there. And for some reason, despite not making it back to the dorm, his brain thought he <em>had </em>somehow placed it on.</p><p>He never did. He forgot to, even when he arrived at the practice room, even though there’s coverings in his damn bag.</p><p>He panics, hands quickly moving to swat at Jisung's so he can wrestle his shirt back down. Jisung's fingers don't relent, purposely tickling his sides so Donghyuck wiggles around, bending and twisting under Jisung's fingers.</p><p>Unfortunately Jisung doesn't realise Donghyuck's actually panicking, and not because he just doesn't want to show his abs — or lack of, rather. Donghyuck's now terrified that his soulmarks will be displayed, that he'll be exposed <em>again </em>by goddamn tickling. Quite frankly, Donghyuck thinks it’s the <em>worst </em>way to have it revealed, and he’s not going to let it happen again.</p><p>Donghyuck can't fault Jisung either, because this is a usual way they mess around with each other, and usually they remember to cover their soulmarks in practice. Still, it means Jisung doesn't realise Donghyuck isn't actually messing around this time.</p><p>"Jisung-ah," he gasps out, but Jisung's still tickling him, so it's hard to make it sound serious. He knows Jisung will stop the second he figures out something is actually wrong, but Donghyuck's tone is faltering under the ticklish touch, and Jisung might not realise in time.</p><p>Donghyuck refuses to let his shirt slip up, but Jisung's taking it as a challenge. And Donghyuck will lose, because he's only keeping the shirt down out of sheer determination and fear, but it'll fail him when Jisung really tries.</p><p>"Stop, Jisungie <em>stop!</em>" Renjun suddenly cuts in, a serious warning, and Donghyuck's relieved of Jisung's hands tickling him immediately. Jisung hurriedly steps back, eyes wide and hands awkwardly held in front of him.</p><p>Donghyuck takes a moment to gather himself, to pull down his shirt properly and take a deep breath, trying to shake the panic that had overtaken him. He turns to Jisung, seeing their youngest look incredibly confused but also guilty, glancing between Renjun and Donghyuck worriedly.</p><p>Donghyuck feels awful for making Jisung feel guilty, especially as he doesn't know what he's done wrong — and by all means <em>hasn't </em>done anything wrong, and Donghyuck knows he certainly never meant to. Donghyuck reaches out his hands, interlacing his fingers with Jisung’s and tugging them down from their awkward surrendering position.</p><p>"Sorry, Jisungie," he says, but stops before he says anything else. Everyone's eyes are on them after hearing Renjun's alarmed tone, and Donghyuck swallows back his words. "Here, let's... Go get a drink. In the corner, come on."</p><p>He tugs at Jisung's hands, pulling him away. It's a clear dismissal for the rest of them, though he feels Renjun's concerned gaze following them. Renjun recognised something was up, had stepped in and saved Donghyuck's ass, but it’s clear he hasn't realised <em>what </em>it is that made Donghyuck panic — he’s just as confused as Jisung.</p><p>Donghyuck would very much prefer to keep it that way, though he doubts it’ll last long. It’s too easy for Renjun to put the pieces together, and Donghyuck still fears that he already has. Jisung follows silently, and Donghyuck reaches down to grab a bottle of water and passes it to Jisung.</p><p>Jisung takes it, but doesn't take a sip. His eyes are still wide, still upset that he's done something wrong. "Hyung, I'm really sorry. I didn't know you wanted me to stop, I should've paid attention—"</p><p>"Jisungie," Donghyuck says in a sing-song voice, making sure to grab Jisung's attention and make it clear he isn't mad. "It's okay, honestly. It's not your fault, so don't be upset about it."</p><p>He takes his own drink of water, glancing around the room. Delaying time so he doesn't have to speak the next words he knows he should — because Jisung will feel guilty about this regardless, but Donghyuck wants to try and ease that as best as he can.</p><p>"I forgot to put on coverings today, that's why I was panicking. That's my fault, I usually remember. For some reason I thought I had, but I completely forgot about it. I'm sorry, that's on me," Donghyuck explains, voice low.</p><p>Jisung's eyes just get wider with surprise, and then, to Donghyuck's horror — start to get teary. "Hyung, I'm so so sorry. I didn't even think about that. I should've, oh god I'm so sorry hyung, it must've been so upsetting."</p><p>Jisung hits his forehead with the back of his hand, the water sloshing in the bottle as he does so. Donghyuck quickly grabs hold of his wrist, pulling his hand away, then pulls Jisung into a tight hug.</p><p>"Hey, if you cry then <em>I'll </em>cry. It's okay, really. I promise. You didn't know, and I should've worn a covering. I'm not upset about this, so you can't be upset either, okay?" Donghyuck hushes, looking over to see that Jaemin is giving them a worried glance. He does his best to smile reassuringly, and Jaemin gives him a tight smile before turning away to give them space.</p><p>Jisung thankfully calms down, finally having it get through that Donghyuck isn't upset with him about it. Donghyuck steps back to cup Jisung's face between his palms, pressing his cheeks together.</p><p>"Just don't tell anyone about why, okay? I mean, they probably know or suspect it... But let's avoid talking about it," Donghyuck says, and Jisung nods, easily agreeing with the fear of accidentally upsetting Donghyuck properly.</p><p>Donghyuck and Jisung walk back to the group together, their break extended while they collect themselves. They all drop their gazes and questions when Donghyuck purposely does his best to immediately divert the topic, and Jisung just gives polite smiles but says nothing about it, even to Chenle.</p><p>Jeno's gaze doesn't drop, though. Donghyuck catches his eye a few times in the mirror during practice, and watches Jeno's confused gaze start to change into realisation, like he's suddenly pieced something together.</p><p>It makes Donghyuck uneasy, because he's all too aware of <em>what </em>Jeno might have possibly figured out. Jeno had no reason to remember their conversation about Donghyuck's soulmarks before, the night they were drinking, but something might have triggered the memories because of the incident with Jisung.</p><p>Because of it, he feels incredibly on edge — wants to get out of the practice room the second he's able to. As they wrap up, he makes sure to go up and annoy Jisung by squeezing the life out of him, kissing him on the cheek just to reassure Jisung he's not upset with him, but otherwise hurries to leave.</p><p>He still hears Jaemin, who's walked over to Jeno and nudged him in the side. "What're you thinking about?"</p><p>He catches Jeno's eyes in the mirror again, and Donghyuck pockets his phone and ducks his head, avoiding Jeno's intense gaze.</p><p>As he walks out the door, he faintly hears Jeno's reply.</p><p>"Actually, I just remembered something."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Donghyuck's plan is to avoid any conversations about it by flying to Manhattan for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade with 127.</p><p>Well, it's not really his plan, but it certainly is convenient. He's in America with 127 for a couple days, then he's back with Dream in Bangkok for The Dream Show for two days, then back to America. It doesn't really give anyone the time to bring it up.</p><p>It's really only because he's so tired from flying back and forth, so it seems they might have mutually decided not to bring it up, but he'll take it. He knows it won't hold out much longer — not when they have practices together for the fanmeeting and end of year performances, and it seems like a conversation is inevitable in one form or another.</p><p>It comes in the form of Renjun, apparently.</p><p>He's got Dream's practice an hour after 127's, and he's doing his best to store away 127's plans in one corner of his mind so he can free up the rest for Dream. He's excited to participate in two fan-meetings, to see fans two days in a row — knows the effort he's putting in now will pay off for this. Still, his brain is starting to hurt a little with so many back to back practices and differences between the two units.</p><p>Renjun sits down beside him in the practice room, and Donghyuck lolls his head against the mirror to look at him. "Fancy seeing you here."</p><p>Renjun graciously gives him a laugh. "So, congratulations on debuting again. Officially now in Dream, 127, and now U."</p><p>Donghyuck grins. Working to complete Coming Home with Jaehyun, Doyoung and Taeil had been fun, but at this rate he barely remembers even completing it. The music video will drop later today, and Donghyuck's excited for it, and the members have been saying how excited they are for it too.</p><p>"To be fair, we don't have any stages or such. It's just the music video," Donghyuck replies, but is still proud of himself. He's worked hard these past couple of months, and he's letting himself bask in the achievements of it all.</p><p>"Still counts as U, so. Congratulations on debuting for a third time."</p><p>"Thanks. Mark has me beat on it with SuperM though."</p><p>"That he does," Renjun agrees, swiftly ending that topic as he pulls up a knee to his chest, making himself comfortable with their position on the floor. Donghyuck will get up soon enough, but for now they're waiting for more members to arrive before practice starts.</p><p>It's clear Renjun is sitting beside him to talk about <em>something, </em>and Donghyuck figures his time is up with avoiding the conversation about what happened with Jisung.</p><p>He wonders what Renjun will ask. Why did Jisung get so upset? Why did Donghyuck freak out? If Jeno's told them about what Donghyuck said, and believe he's currently soulmarkless, then why did he panic so badly?</p><p>Donghyuck's been thinking over his answers for the past couple of days, but he's still not confident with them.</p><p>And unfortunately, he hasn't planned for any questions beyond this.</p><p>Naturally, Renjun goes off Donghyuck's script entirely.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Renjun starts off with, looking out at the room in front of them. Donghyuck glances his way, but realises he'll be able to get away with a lot less if he's looking at Renjun, so he also looks out at the room. "What's your thoughts on dating within the group?"</p><p>Donghyuck <em>really </em>didn't expect this question. His brain stutters for a few moments, thoughts tumbling over themselves, but absolutely none of them making sense.</p><p>"Um," he eloquently starts with. He's hoping maybe another member will walk in the room — but Renjun's purposely early it seems, and help probably isn't on the way. Maybe Renjun will take pity on him and say to not worry about it.</p><p>Unfortunately, Renjun just waits. And waits.</p><p>Until Donghyuck can't stand the silence and blurts out a question in return. "Like, Jeno and Jaemin? Are you asking what I think about them?"</p><p>Renjun inhales in a way that Donghyuck immediately senses he's definitely missed whatever Renjun was aiming for with his question. Donghyuck knows this — they both know each other’s thoughts on this, even if they’re unspoken.</p><p>"Sure. Tell me what you think about Jeno and Jaemin," Renjun allows, but Donghyuck knows this isn't what Renjun wants.</p><p>Still, he's nervous about what it actually is that Renjun wants, so he goes along with it. "Well I'm really happy for them? I mean, they told us together, and it's been a while. I'm glad they can find that happiness with each other, and I think they're really great together."</p><p>Honestly it's the most he's spoken about the two of them together for a while now. The year has passed by in a blur, and at this rate it feels like Jeno and Jaemin have just always been together — that it's just the way of the world, and has been for a while now.</p><p>"I agree," Renjun replies, which Donghyuck already knows. He wants to ask Renjun suddenly, ask him if he's imagining it when he sees the three of them together. When it looks like Renjun is part of them, is with them — is he just seeing things?</p><p>Maybe this is what Renjun is leading him to, he realises.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin sat down with Renjun and Donghyuck to tell them they’re dating. Maybe it's fallen onto Renjun to tell Donghyuck he's now with both of them.</p><p>It makes more sense, and dread settles in his stomach. He suspected of course, but the confirmation always hurts — knowing that he was right, that he's not part of them, that he's the one left out here.</p><p>Renjun's quiet, thinking something over. Donghyuck can tell he's hesitating about it, that whatever he’s thinking now is the reason he sat with Donghyuck. But now Renjun’s faced with actually saying it, and he's scared to.</p><p>Donghyuck almost wishes Renjun won't say it. That he’ll drop it, and divert the topic entirely.</p><p>But when it comes to matters of the heart, Renjun’s always been the more courageous one between them.</p><p>"Okay... But what do <em>you </em>think about dating in the group?" Renjun asks again, voice firmer. Donghyuck's still confused by the question, but Renjun adds a second later to clarify: "Like, for you?"</p><p>"For me?" Donghyuck repeats, voice carefully blank as his emotions swirl up in a messy storm inside of him.</p><p>He doesn't know what Renjun wants from this conversation. He doesn't know <em>why </em>Renjun's asking this, but his heart is pounding hard and he's panicking.</p><p>If Renjun <em>knows, </em>if Renjun knows that his soulmark sits on Donghyuck's chest, then —</p><p>Donghyuck's experienced this before. The heartbreak that left his heart feeling shattered, the pain and the hurt that came with it, with a rejected soulmark.</p><p>If Renjun knows, then Jeno and Jaemin will surely find out too, and —</p><p>Donghyuck just doesn't think he'll be able to cope with the heartbreak.</p><p>"For me?" Donghyuck laughs bitterly, words spilling out — a barricade, trying to build something to protect his heart with. "Well, I've learned from Mark, actually. It's not worth it."</p><p>"It's not worth it," Renjun repeats, voice carefully monotone. Donghyuck, in his panicked state, takes it as confirmation. That Renjun agrees.</p><p>"It's not!” Donghyuck rushes to reassure, trying to emphasise this so Renjun doesn’t concern himself with Donghyuck’s soulmark. If Renjun suspects his soulmark, is asking so he can get confirmation just to reject him, Donghyuck wants to reassure him he won’t act on it. That Renjun doesn’t need to bring this up or worry about it.</p><p>“Risking a friendship for something like that is just... It's not worth it. It's not worth the hurt," Donghyuck continues. He feels the urge to get up, get away from the conversation tethering too close to something he's locked away for years now.</p><p>"Why does it have to hurt? What if it doesn't?" Renjun asks, and Donghyuck pauses from where he's getting up. Renjun <em>must </em>be joking, and Donghyuck lets out another bitter, awful choke of a laugh.</p><p>"It will in the end. Some things are just destined that way," Donghyuck replies. He's come to believe it, after all this time — Donghyuck's soulmarks are always destined to hurt him. From Mark, then to three members at once, fate has intended these things not to end well for him.</p><p>"How do you know that?" Renjun challenges, and Donghyuck shoots him a confused look. <em>Why </em>is Renjun pushing this so much? Donghyuck's accepted his fate at the end of the day.</p><p>"You're talking like I'm in love with someone again, Injunnie. Well, just so you're up to date: I'm <em>not. </em>I learned well from Mark, and won't be tempting fate again by making the same mistakes. What’s even up with your questions?"</p><p>Renjun recoils slightly, but masks his expressions quickly enough that Donghyuck can't read them before they're gone. "Right. You're not in love with anyone," Renjun says, but the tone has a hint of sarcasm. He doesn't believe Donghyuck — and that's terrifying, because everything already feels too close to the surface.</p><p>The door opens, and Jeno and Jaemin step into the room. The atmosphere is clearly tense with Renjun and Donghyuck, but neither of them are willing to keep it around and make the rest of them deal with it.</p><p>"No, I'm not," Donghyuck says with finality, standing up properly and turning his back on Renjun. They'll probably ignore each other for this practice, cling to other members in an attempt to dissipate the air between them.</p><p>The conversation replays over in Donghyuck's mind during the practice. He still feels unsettled, too nervous that Renjun's figured out his soulmarks, that for some reason he wanted Donghyuck to <em>admit </em>it.</p><p>There's a clear tension between them, and it's making Donghyuck feel even more on edge. He doesn't want their performances tainted with it — he wants them to have good memories of this time, especially considering it might be their final year in Dream, and there's barely a month of it left.</p><p>He extends an olive branch at the end of practice, drained and exhausted and just wanting their weird tension to leave.</p><p>"Hey. I'm going to order food, if you want any?" He offers, flipping his phone over between his hands.</p><p>He's regretful of getting so worked up and snappy, but they usually get over arguments by ignoring them, or letting it ease away while they hang out together.</p><p>Renjun doesn't seem to be as eager as Donghyuck to make up. Though he smiles and seems happy with the offer, Donghyuck can tell he isn't pleased that Donghyuck would rather ignore the entire conversation.</p><p>Still, Renjun accepts the offer. He extends it out to the other members as well after that, who also accept, and Donghyuck ends up paying for all of their lunch. He really doesn't mind it — is happy just to provide something his members will enjoy.</p><p>Renjun doesn't say anything more though, so Donghyuck tries to push it to the back of his mind as the day continues. Coming Home releases, and Donghyuck is sent messages by the members to congratulate it. It’s a good night, and Donghyuck feels so incredibly warm and happy to be surrounded with all of them.</p><p>It's their final release of the year, and Donghyuck's satisfied with it. It feels like his efforts this year have paid off with his work — he's improved, and barring the break earlier in the year with his injury, has flown back and forth with intense schedules and has managed to stay on top of it all.</p><p>It also helps boost his pride that Johnny doesn't stop complimenting him about the song, about how much he's improved, about how well he's doing this year. And then it gets to a point in the compliments that not even Donghyuck can stand, and he ends up throwing his pillow at Johnny to try and stop him. It works, though Johnny keeps the pillow hostage for a while.</p><p>It's been such a mix of emotions today that Donghyuck basically crashes on his bed without even needing it, though Johnny passes it back over the second he realises Donghyuck is actually falling asleep.</p><p>He's drained — mentally, physically, any other types of potential ways of being drained. He lets the day go, lets the excitement and the nerves and the tension leave, and promises himself it'll get better.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Renjun's being strange.</p><p>It's not unusual for this to happen, in all honesty. They all go through periods where they act a bit strangely, a bit out of their standard behaviour. Most likely originated from stress, when they're so keyed up they can't control their emotions and actions properly.</p><p>Jeno can get snappy, Jaemin gets <em>really </em>snarky, Chenle gets upsettingly quiet, and Jisung becomes extremely clingy and affectionate. Donghyuck has a habit of pushing people away and isolating himself.</p><p>And Renjun — well, usually he just says a couple of strange things, or picks fights sometimes with Donghyuck to relieve tension. It’s usually clear to see when he’s worked up or stressed out.</p><p>Renjun's being strange, but he's not being the <em>usual </em>strange. Or at least Donghyuck thinks. He's not entirely sure. Renjun might be trying to pick a fight, but it's a really strange way to go about it.</p><p>Slowly, Donghyuck starts to realise that Renjun's trying to prove something. He's got a point to make, and he's set on directing it at Donghyuck.</p><p>It's definitely got something to do with their tense discussion about dating. Donghyuck knows that much at least.</p><p>He's just... Not entirely sure what Renjun's trying to prove though.</p><p>He's constantly sitting in Donghyuck's lap, or pulling at Donghyuck until he's sitting in Renjun's. Holding hands with him, invading his personal space as much as he can, constantly on top of him and talking to him with a sly grin.</p><p>For Donghyuck, who loves physical touch, he can't say he minds it in the slightest. It's just that — well, Renjun isn’t exactly one to give <em>this </em>much undivided attention or affection to someone. It's getting a little intense, honestly.</p><p>And then it escalates and gets even stranger, because Renjun starts draping himself across Jeno and Jaemin as well. But he's still intent on dragging Donghyuck into the affection, which makes Donghyuck kind of feel like he's intruding on something even though he's been forcefully invited into it.</p><p>Donghyuck's not entirely sure what Renjun's playing at. But it hits a bit of a breaking point when they run through Don't Need Your Love, and Renjun doesn't falter in the <em>slightest. </em>They've gotten used to the movements at least, but in practice it can still feel awkward or funny, so they never escalate it beyond the usual move.</p><p>Except Renjun's hand slides around the back of his neck, a smirk on his face before he turns his head and finishes the choreography.</p><p>Donghyuck might've malfunctioned a little as a human being, honestly. He's not entirely recovered from it.</p><p>But Renjun is definitely playing some kind of game, and Donghyuck refuses to lose, even though he has no idea what the rules of it are.</p><p>So Donghyuck ups his own affection. It's their last practice for the fan-meeting, and Donghyuck maximises the affections in his own performance with Renjun.</p><p>Donghyuck would probably consider it flirting, but he doesn't actually know <em>what </em>the hell is going on. Still, it's fun to see Renjun falter for a moment within his own game, before he hardens his resolve and fights back.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin have taken to watching the exchange with curious gazes, and it hasn't escaped Donghyuck's notice. They're always watching when the two of them interact, but they never really mention it themselves.</p><p>Donghyuck tries not to think about it during the fan-meeting. He has 127's first, and the day passes incredibly fast. Then it's Dream's, and Donghyuck doesn't let it unsettle him — not even with Don't Need Your Love.</p><p>Still, Renjun's touch lingers in his mind from the performance, the warmth in his chest igniting, and he isn't sure what to do with it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, between preparations for the end of year performances for the broadcasting stations, Dream is gathered together for a meeting.</p><p>There's been a few unsolved questions lately, especially between management and Dream. It hasn't gone unnoticed between them all that there's been no mention of graduation this year. They've been holding onto hope, optimistic fantasies where the best has happened, where they've finally abolished it, where they can continue in Dream as a permanent unit.</p><p>But none of them have actually brought it up. Donghyuck suspects the other three might have together, that this is something they've been talking about for a while now, but Donghyuck hasn't heard much of it.</p><p>Mark then walks into the meeting, and Donghyuck feels his jaw drop. The excitement builds, even though he's scared now he'll be let down even more. The others aren't doing much better — barely holding themselves back from all their questions as management starts to explain the situation.</p><p>Dream is becoming a permanent unit. It won't be announced for a while yet — a few months at the least, not until after a comeback in the earlier half of next year. There will be no mention of graduation in the meantime.</p><p>And after that comeback, Dream will become seven members again.</p><p>Mark, who seems to have known about this, just grins at them as they all lose their minds around the table.</p><p>As soon as the meeting is over, they immediately crowd Mark, surrounding him and cheering. Donghyuck absolutely does <em>not </em>cry, no matter what anyone else says — besides, he's mad that Mark kept this secret from him, and he'll get his payback for it.</p><p>The meeting leaves them all with incredibly high spirits. The pressure of graduating Dream has lifted off their shoulders, and Donghyuck can see the relief this has on Renjun, Jaemin and Jeno in particular. They're secured in a permanent unit, and the next year suddenly seems so much brighter for them all.</p><p>There's not really the time to celebrate it, so they let out their excited energy by practicing hard for the end of year performances. And throughout them all, Renjun is <em>still </em>being persistently strange in their practices around Donghyuck.</p><p>It's definitely weird, but Donghyuck has no idea <em>how </em>to bring it up. Renjun could really just be playing around, trying to work him up somehow, <em>knowing </em>this is getting under Donghyuck's skin. He probably just doesn't know how deeply it's sitting there.</p><p>Their performances pass by with Christmas and then New Years. Chenle invites all of Dream over to his house in celebration for the New Year after the performance, as the rest of their families are too far. Chenle's officially an adult now too, so it's an added celebration.</p><p>Taeil comes along too, though the initial invitation was mostly just said as a joke, except Taeil had actually agreed to it.</p><p>Chenle's mum is excited to see them all, hugging them tightly and cooing about how well they've grown, about how she's thankful how much they look after Chenle. Chenle translates for the rest of them, though he's definitely embarrassed, and Renjun picks up on anything Chenle may or may not have purposely excluded when it's particularly embarrassing.</p><p>She shows them around their house, including all the pictures she has displayed of Dream. Donghyuck's a mix of embarrassed and proud, but ultimately happy that Chenle's mum is doting on them so lovingly.</p><p>Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin have taken to the front of the group following Chenle's mum, excitedly looking at all of the photos. Jisung, who's been over before, just hangs back a little with Chenle — who's stuck with them simply to translate.</p><p>Donghyuck stands with Mark, both flanking Taeil as he's most familiar with their presence. Taeil's hiding his amusement with his drink, smiling into the glass as Chenle's mum points out more photos.</p><p>Then Taeil laughs to the point he almost chokes because of one of the photos of Donghyuck, so Donghyuck snatches the drink out of his hand and downs it. He really <em>shouldn't, </em>because he hasn't been feeling the best lately and they have to practice tomorrow before they fly out for the 3rd, but Taeil deserves it.</p><p>It's strong, something Chenle's aunt passed to Taeil to try from China, and Donghyuck grimaces as he empties the glass. Taeil just watches in shock, and Donghyuck passes the empty glass back to him while Taeil's frozen.</p><p>Mark's snickering into his hands from the exchange, trying to hide it as Chenle's mum glances back at them to point out more sets of photos. Honestly, Donghyuck thinks the collection rivals his own parents.</p><p>With the tour finished, more drinks are passed around, and Chenle's family is so incredibly welcoming and warm that they all feel comfortable. The night passes with good food and drinks and even better company, and at some point Taeil becomes Dream's youngest member — as decreed by Chenle and Jisung.</p><p>Jaemin sits by him as Jisung and Chenle try to teach Taeil some of their choreography, which is going rather poorly because Taeil keeps on ignoring their teachings to simply repeat Jeno's parts instead.</p><p>"Ah, another year," Jaemin starts the conversation with, and Donghyuck snorts at his tone.</p><p>"You sound like you've lived through over one hundred of them, old man," Donghyuck replies. Jaemin gestures to Jisung and Chenle with a grimace.</p><p>"Raising kids has aged me," Jaemin complains, taking a sip from his own drink. He's been nursing the same one for a while now, while Chenle's aunt keeps replacing Donghyuck's everytime he gets low.</p><p>He's gotten low a few times, and he's certainly feeling it.</p><p>"Happy New Year, Haechannie," Jaemin suddenly declares, raising his drink in a cheers. Donghyuck meets the delayed toast, albeit with slight confusion.</p><p>"Have you made a wish for this year?" Jaemin asks, looking over at him. Donghyuck carefully melts back into the seat he's on, making sure his drink doesn't spill with the movement.</p><p>He has. They've recently started to plan out NCT's activities, and Donghyuck's going to be <em>busy — </em>three comebacks in a row, which means his schedule will be packed for a while, so his biggest wish is his health and happiness.</p><p>"Doesn't saying wishes aloud mean they won't come true?" He says instead.</p><p>Jaemin shrugs. "Some things, I suppose. But I believe other things are destined to be no matter what, if they're meant to be so. Renjun certainly disagrees with me there though."</p><p>Donghyuck's not really sure how he feels about things being destined. He's pretty sure he's destined to be in love with people he can never end up with — so destiny really hasn't done much for him in those regards.</p><p>"He'd also disagree about the premise of wishes, to be fair. He believes things only happen because of hard work and your own pursuit of your goals and blah blah," Donghyuck agrees, glancing over at Renjun as he speaks. He's sitting with Jeno, talking and translating with Chenle's family.</p><p>Maybe Donghyuck believes it's a bit of both.</p><p>Maybe no matter how hard he'd strive to have something, how hard he <em>wants </em>it — destiny just won't give it to him, his efforts be damned.</p><p>"That he does," Jaemin answers, and takes the biggest drink Donghyuck's seen him take tonight.</p><p>Jaemin starts to fiddle with the glass, rolling it back and forth through his palms. Donghyuck watches the movement, waiting to see if Jaemin will speak again.</p><p>He does. In a soft, airy voice, Jaemin says: "I made a wish."</p><p>"Oh?" Donghyuck replies, looking up at Jaemin. "You did?"</p><p>"Yeah. I made a few, actually. For my family. For our members. For myself."</p><p>There's a certain emphasis on the last part, and Donghyuck tilts his head, trying to decipher it. Jaemin's not looking at him — he's looking at his drink still, though he's halted his movements with it in his hands.</p><p>"And what did you wish for, Na Jaemin?" Donghyuck prompts, because it seems like Jaemin wants him to.</p><p>Jaemin's turns to look at him. Donghyuck's breath catches at Jaemin's intense gaze, looking so intensely at Donghyuck.</p><p>Donghyuck can't look away, frozen in the moment.</p><p>Jaemin finally breaks it, smiling softly. He doesn't look away, but his gaze is much softer and warmer now, not as piercing.</p><p>"Something my heart wants," Jaemin replies. He holds Donghyuck's gaze, but soon enough looks away, and Donghyuck follows it. He's looking over at Jeno and Renjun, and Donghyuck's own heart crumbles just a little.</p><p>He berates himself for it, because of <em>course </em>he's talking about Jeno.</p><p>And, just as likely, Renjun.</p><p>Honestly, it's getting rather clear to Donghyuck that Jeno and Jaemin like Renjun. That Renjun likes them in turn. But there's a weird tension there — and it seems that they're aware of it, but none of them are choosing to act on it.</p><p>Maybe <em>Renjun </em>is what Jaemin wished for. After all, his heart already belongs to Jeno, and it's clear Jeno's is his. He already <em>has </em>Jeno, so maybe he wants Renjun too.</p><p>If Donghyuck had wished for it, he wonders, would he have more of a chance?</p><p>He never has, because he figures he would rather stick to something attainable — realistic enough that it could possibly happen. He never had a chance anyway.</p><p>No matter what the number is, if it's multiplied by 0, the answer will always be the same.</p><p>He looks over at Mark, who's recently walked back in after going to the bathroom. Donghyuck figures he probably got lost because he looks rather flustered, shifting into relief the moment he walks into the room.</p><p>He catches Donghyuck's eyes, and something must give in Donghyuck’s face, because Mark heads over to them. Jaemin casually asks him if he wished for anything as well once he sits with them, and Mark launches into a whole speech.</p><p>Some considerable time later Taeil says he'll head back first, and Donghyuck jumps at the chance to leave. He's probably had a little too much to drink tonight, and Chenle’s aunt has been making the rounds again. His head is already pounding, and they have practice tomorrow, so it’s probably in his best interest to leave.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin have disappeared right as Donghyuck's about to say he's leaving, so he goes to find them. Their low voices are coming from the bathroom, and Donghyuck can see that the door is slightly ajar from the light spilling into the hallway.</p><p>"—if Renjun's right?" Jaemin is asking, and Donghyuck stops in his tracks. He <em>shouldn't </em>listen to this. This isn't for him to listen to, and he should declare his presence right now, but —</p><p>He doesn't. He stops and holds his breath, listening.</p><p>"Nana," Jeno sighs tiredly, "we've gone over this. You <em>agreed."</em></p><p>"Yeah, but <em>then </em>you mentioned that he said he doesn't have any soulmarks, and we know now that he's probably lying about that!"</p><p>Donghyuck's heart is pounding so loudly he fears it'll give him away. He knows this conversation is about him, and is not one he should be listening to.</p><p>Unwilling to give himself away, he silently creeps backwards. Far enough to be on the other end of the hall, the final words of the conversation he hears drifting away.</p><p>"He lied about it for a reason, Nana. We can't ju..."</p><p>He takes a deep breath and steels himself, hoping his voice will come out steadily. It does, thankfully, and he shouts like he's never had the intention to go to where they are and find them.</p><p>"Jeno? Jaem? I'm leaving!"</p><p>He turns his back, already walking away. Jeno and Jaemin hurry out of the bathroom, calling out to him and getting him to turn back around, and Donghyuck forces down his nausea.</p><p>"Oh god, I do <em>not </em>want to know what you two were doing in the bathroom together. <em>Gross." </em>Donghyuck fake-retches, though he's a little nervous he might actually be sick at this rate. His head is hurting even more now, and he's desperate to get out of the house and away from the two of them. From the whole conversation he overheard.</p><p>They walk back into the room with everyone, Taeil catching his eye then quietly announcing he's taking his leave to Chenle’s family. Donghyuck steps up with him, as well as Mark, while the others decide to stay around a bit longer.</p><p>Chenle's family gives them hugs, and wish the three of them good luck on their tour in Japan. The rest of Dream crowd them and give them the same farewell, as it's unlikely they'll run into each other before 127 flies out.</p><p>Donghyuck holds up in front of them all. Doesn't quite manage it in front of Mark and Taeil as they head back to the dorms. Thankfully they talk between themselves, sensing Donghyuck's not up for a discussion, but they don't ask him about it.</p><p>The conversation he overheard plays on repeat, over and over again. On their way back to their dorms, back in his room, and he lets himself truly think it over in the shower.</p><p>It's clear they're talking about Donghyuck. Jeno's the only one he's ever told he has no soulmarks after all, and this has clearly spread to Jaemin.</p><p>And Renjun being brought up before it, saying that he's right about something — Donghyuck has a feeling Renjun knows about his soulmarks. It ties in too well, and Donghyuck's stomach drops.</p><p>They've figured he's lying about the soulmarks. And they wouldn't necessarily care, they wouldn't make this such a big topic, not unless they think they're involved.</p><p>All three now likely know about his soulmarks.</p><p>Or suspect it, at the very least.</p><p>His hands brush against the soulmarks, and his heart lurches.</p><p>Donghyuck's about to get his heart broken all over again. He's going to suffer all that pain, all the hurt, three times over. He can't imagine losing these soulmarks, can’t imagine falling out of this love — thinks that these stars will stay with him for eternity, a reminder forever marked into his chest that it's never meant to be. Three rejected soulmarks, who will hurt him every time they touch him.</p><p>He's truly just not destined to love.</p><p>How long does he have? How much longer until they bring this up?</p><p>Donghyuck's heart is cracking, but it'll shatter when they inevitably reject him, when they tell him it <em>just won't work, we're sorry, we just can’t love you like that.</em></p><p>His heart is no longer in his hands, anyway. It hasn't been for a long time.</p><p>Jeno sounded like he wanted to wait, but if Renjun and Jaemin are on the same side now then he'll inevitably cave for them. And they'll be nice about it, gentle at least, and maybe Donghyuck can brace himself this time.</p><p>He should have a few days, at the very least. A week with the tour. Maybe in that time he can devise a plan, to try and stop this all from happening.</p><p>He’s gone through it with Mark. All that heartbreak, the pain of the rejection, and the pain in his chest whenever he was touched.</p><p>More than anything, Donghyuck doesn’t want that to happen. He doesn’t want to lose their easy familiarity and comfort between each other — he doesn’t think he <em>can. </em>Losing that, with three of his closest friends, is a blow that Donghyuck can’t take.</p><p>It’ll be the worst to lose their friendship. For things to change so drastically between them, Donghyuck inevitably further pushed out and rejected when they can’t touch him, not even in a strictly friendly way.</p><p>Not for the first time, Donghyuck imagines how much easier things could be for him if he was like his brother. If his galaxy was made up of stars for people he loved platonically — his family and friends covering his chest, his body, glowing with a different form of love.</p><p>Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun would still be with him, sitting on his chest as stars. But things would be so, so much easier. Less of a burden for them all.</p><p>He doesn’t want to go through the pain again. He’s resolute that he has a few days to try and come up with something, an attempt to salvage their friendship, to make sure nothing is ruined between them.</p><p>So it's surprising that two days later, a day before 127 flies out, Donghyuck gets a message from Jeno.</p><p>It's morning, and Donghyuck has woken up with an insistent headache that has been building for a couple days now. It's worse though, pounding against his temple, and he can feel how sore his throat is.</p><p>There's been a cold going around, and it seems Donghyuck's caught it. He groans, because they have to fly out tomorrow and it seems his New Years wish for health is already off to a terrible start.</p><p>He grabs his phone mostly to check the time, trying to plan out the next few hours. They have practice later, and Donghyuck will need to pack his bags, and he'll just have to try and work on getting better in the time between.</p><p>A message from Jeno catches his eyes, and he opens it up without actually thinking about it. It's too early in the morning to function, and he's forgotten about his heart while focused on how sick he feels.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Haechannie!! Do you have any time today to come around? Or we can go around to you?? We as in me, Jaem and Renjun. Whichever is easiest! :)</strong> </em>
</p><p>"Fuck," Donghyuck says, and then his eyes are watering, and he manages to lock the phone and place it down on the bed beside him before he properly starts to cry.</p><p>He's glad Johnny's already woken up and apparently left the room, probably to make himself breakfast. Still, Johnny could walk back in at any moment, so he pulls the blanket over his head and cries into his pillow as quietly as he can.</p><p>He thought he'd have more time. Two days — only <em>two days, </em>that's all he got to brace himself. He didn't think it'd be this soon. He thought he'd have some time, thought the tour would give him <em>at least </em>a week.</p><p>He lets the upset wash over him, lets himself cry, and then hits a point where his head hurts too much, his throat too sore, and has to ground himself back down to reality. To try and push past the pain to focus on functioning.</p><p>Unfortunately, the post-cry catharsis comes with the fact he's actually rather sick. He dabs at his eyes, flips the pillow over to hide the spot of tears, and heads into the bathroom to try and clean up.</p><p>At least being sick is a good cover for his puffy cheeks and eyes, and he'll take any silver lining he can get at this rate. Johnny walks back into their room as Donghyuck's shuffling out, and he immediately looks worried.</p><p>"Oh no, you got the cold, didn't you?" He asks, and Donghyuck just stands there and nods, still upset about everything. His heart is aching something terrible, and now he's got a cold to deal with — and he's never dealt with them well because he gets them so rarely.</p><p>Johnny goes into their closet and pulls out one of his hoodies, passing it over to Donghyuck. Donghyuck slips it over his head, already feeling comforted by the longer length of it, hands hiding in the sleeves.</p><p>"Thanks," he says quietly, pulling the hood up to cover himself a bit better. It'll conceal how puffy his cheeks are at least.</p><p>Johnny just pats his shoulder, still looking worried. "Take it easy today. Seriously. Your health comes first."</p><p>Donghyuck mumbles his agreement, heading out to the main room. There's medicines there, and he knows he'll need to eat something to help his health despite the fact he's really not hungry right now.</p><p>Taeyong and Doyoung are in the kitchen, making coffee for themselves, and their eyes fall to Donghyuck. They also look immediately worried, and Donghyuck wonders just how bad he must look right now. He gives them a brief wave, the sleeve of the hoodie flapping around.</p><p>Taeyong gets him to sit down, promising he'll get something for Donghyuck. He passes him over cold medicine that they've stocked up on from everyone else falling sick, and talks quietly with Doyoung as they set about making food.</p><p>He realises he's left Jeno's message without a reply. He quietly gets up and goes to his bedroom to get his phone, then comes back out to sit at the table.</p><p>Seeing the message sitting there makes his heart clench, and he swallows around something thick. He knows that logically it'll probably be easier if they get this over and done with sooner, so he's not just holding onto the knowledge that they're going to reject him — it'll be easier if they do it, he tells himself, because the sooner his heart breaks the sooner he can figure out how to function with it.</p><p>Today's just not an option though, and he's also relieved for it. He's just prolonging his pain and he knows it, but he's never been one for courage when it comes to soulmarks.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>sorry Jeno, I'm actually pretty sick with a cold rn. let's talk another day.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Like Jeno's been waiting for the reply, he immediately starts to type. Donghyuck's heart is pounding so loudly, so focused on the phone that he misses Doyoung's movements in front of him. He startles when a bowl is placed down in front of him, as well as a mug of tea.</p><p>"It might taste awful, but it should help," Doyoung tells him, heading back to the kitchen to grab his own meal. They both sit with Donghyuck, but at the other end — Doyoung hasn't had the cold yet, and Donghyuck doesn't blame him for being cautious.</p><p>"Thanks hyung," he says, just as his phone vibrates with a message.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>oh no! :( Don't worry about it at all, it's okay!! Please rest up and feel better soon!!</strong> </em>
</p><p>Donghyuck lets out a sad laugh, because all he can do <em>is </em>worry about it. The heartbreak he's bound to suffer isn't exactly something he can ignore. A second message comes through.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>Nana says he can drop off some things later to make you feel better? He won't say what, but my guess is going to be a plushie and some warm food~</strong> </em>
</p><p>Donghyuck lets out a shaky breath, hiding it from his hyungs by reaching out for his mug of tea. The warmth feels nice on his fingers, and he soaks it in before he finally takes a sip. It's not the best taste, but it does soothe his throat a little.</p><p>He doesn't really know what's worse — if Jaemin's doing it out of pity, feeling bad for what he's about to do once Donghyuck is well enough to talk about it, or if Jaemin is genuinely just doing it because he's worried.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>no, all good! thank you, but hyungs are looking after me.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Jeno asks if Donghyuck's sure, which Donghyuck affirms, and then locks his phone and puts it away to focus on his meal.</p><p>They’re both eyeing him worriedly still, so Donghyuck makes sure to finish it. He can tell they’re both getting more worried throughout the day, but he's truly doing his best to look after himself. He packs before they leave for practice, taking it easy when he can, and still Taeyong sends him home earlier so he can rest.</p><p>Usually he'd argue it because he hates feeling like he's being left behind or pitied, but at this rate it's bad enough he needs it. Even their manager looked like he was about to step in if Taeyong didn’t.</p><p>Despite how well he looks after himself, and the effort of his hyungs, despite how determined he is to perform, it doesn't get better. They land in Japan and Donghyuck gets worse quickly, and the doctor suggests that he's really in no condition to perform.</p><p>It's incredibly frustrating, and SM releases a statement the same day. He’s in Japan, in Fukuoka with his hyungs and ready to perform again — only for his body to apparently rebel against him.</p><p>He's in the hotel, lying on his bed and upset as he reads the official statement about his absence in the concerts. His phone has been lighting up with messages from other members, especially Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin trying to check in on him, but he's ignoring all of them at the moment. He's sick and on the verge of heartbreak, so he feels like he's allowed to take this time to be as upset as he wants to be.</p><p>He misses the Fukuoka concerts, which is upsetting, but at least he recovers rather quickly. When they fly home, a couple of weeks break before they're back in Tokyo, they're recording for their new album.</p><p>It's busy enough that Donghyuck can get away from any conversations with Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun for a bit longer. It's difficult to hold onto the fact that he knows the heartbreak is coming, but he's still too scared to actually face it.</p><p>He hasn’t come up with a plan. It’s clear that they know something about his soulmarks, that they want to discuss it. And Donghyuck knows he won’t be able to lie to them, they know him too well for that.</p><p>He considers just confessing to them about the soulmarks — and then begging that they don’t reject him, that they just ignore it so that nothing has to change. It might work, but Donghyuck remembers his conversation with Jeno and Renjun all those years ago when they confronted him about Mark.</p><p>Neither of them seemed particularly fond about Donghyuck ignoring the soulmarks. He knows he won’t be able to get away with acting like they don’t exist — that they’ll worry too much, that they’ll think it isn’t good for him.</p><p>He doesn’t have a plan for the discussion, so he does his best to push it back so it never happens. Unfortunately though, there's only so much time he can bide. Dream's comeback is on the heels of 127, which means they start practices again together.</p><p>They start with recordings, and Donghyuck is nervous the entire day. Johnny picks up on the energy, frowning at him from his spot on the computer. If Johnny asks though, Donghyuck's <em>definitely </em>going to be sent into a type of breakdown<em>, </em>which Johnny seems to sense.</p><p>Today is about recordings, and so he will focus on that. He will deal with Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin when he gets to them, or when they ask him about meeting up. They won’t do it while they’re working, Donghyuck knows.</p><p>They’ll do it privately. They’ll give Donghyuck the space and privacy to get his heart broken, mindful that he wants it to be a secret, something only between them.</p><p>He enters the studio, steeling himself for seeing the Dream members. Renjun's sat on the couch in the room, looking over his sheets of paper. Donghyuck glances into the booth to see that Jisung's inside, going over his lines.</p><p>With nowhere else to sit, Donghyuck takes his place beside Renjun. He's given his own copy of his lines, and he's come prepared for them already, knowing what he wants to achieve.</p><p>Being determined to ignore all the things wrong with his heart has, at the very least, provided great motivation for work.</p><p>He hasn't actually seen Renjun in almost a month, and despite the fact Donghyuck is kind of terrified, he still feels happy to see Renjun. At the very bottom level, though Donghyuck is in love with him, Renjun is one of his closest friends. So the stupid feeling of his stomach swooping, of being so in love, which Donghyuck hates because it's just going to bring pain — those feelings don’t matter, because he's missed Renjun regardless.</p><p>His heart just really, <em>really </em>sucks at self-preservation.</p><p>They have set times for recordings, but it's not unusual for things to shift around or for members to linger. Renjun was before Jisung, but Donghyuck has a feeling he's wanting to re-record after himself to fix up something, so he's waiting around for another turn.</p><p>Their conversation is brief and light, Renjun asking if he’s feeling better, and then just about the recordings and Donghyuck asking how he went. Thankfully it stays well away from the territory of asking to talk privately, so Donghyuck feels a little more at ease.</p><p>He's proven right about Renjun waiting around, as Donghyuck's own turn in the booth comes to an end, and he politely asks to re-record a certain part. The director is happy to do so, and Renjun grabs Donghyuck's arm before he walks out.</p><p>"Hey, let's get something to eat after? This shouldn't take long," Renjun says, hopeful, and Donghyuck — stupid, stupid, in love Donghyuck — says <em>yeah, sounds good.</em></p><p><em>Sounds good, </em>he bemoans to himself as he sits on the couch, dreading the time when Renjun's recording comes to an end. He <em>could </em>walk out, saying he forgot he has a schedule, but it feels mean to leave Renjun after agreeing.</p><p>Besides, he tells himself, it has to happen at some point. Trying to steel himself. This was bound to come up, so he just needs to accept it's finally happening, try and protect his heart as much as possible for the blow.</p><p>Renjun, true to his word, finishes rather quickly. Donghyuck gives him a smile and a thumbs-up as he steps out, obviously happy with his improved performance.</p><p>"Come on, let's go get some food." Renjun grabs Donghyuck's forearm, tugging him out the room with a mission. The contact sends a jolt of warmth through him, and Donghyuck shivers as the rest of his body suddenly feels cold in comparison.</p><p>How much longer does he have? Before the warmth turns to pain? Though Donghyuck can beg for things not to change, it still might be the last time, and Donghyuck tries to savour it.</p><p>Renjun lets go of his arm once they're walking down the hallway, about to enter the elevator. "In the mood for anything?"</p><p>Donghyuck honestly feels sick with the mention of food, unsure of how he'll stomach anything.</p><p>Besides, he'd rather <em>not </em>ruin a favourite place or favourite meal with the taint of getting his heart broken.</p><p>So he shakes his head, and Renjun hums as he scrolls through his phone, scrolling through all the familiar places nearby. Renjun starts walking once the elevator opens to the ground floor, so Donghyuck follows with little other option.</p><p>Maybe he's fine, actually. Maybe a public setting will hold off any heartbreak, because both of them know better than to create a scene in public. They always have to assume someone's watching, and Donghyuck knows Renjun is smarter than breaking his heart where it can be seen.</p><p>And then he realises these streets are too familiar, and he frowns. "Uh, aren't we going to eat?"</p><p>Renjun turns back, confused. Donghyuck can tell it's forced, that Renjun knows exactly why Donghyuck is questioning him. "Uh, yeah? Come on."</p><p>Renjun doesn't explain. Doesn't say where he's headed, or why it's all too close to the path back to the dorms. Donghyuck still follows, even as Renjun predictably leads him right back to the Dream dorm building.</p><p>"I thought you said we were going out to eat," Donghyuck says, stopping at the foot of the building. It's a really pathetic attempt at trying to stop what's about to happen, but he still tries.</p><p>"I never said going out. I said 'let's get something to eat'. It's just that I got it delivered to the Dream dorm," Renjun finally explains, shrugging.</p><p>This isn't normal between them. This weird dance of half-truths and Renjun hiding things from him.</p><p>"You're being kind of weird," Donghyuck points out, folding his arms. Maybe he's said it to try and deny going inside, trying to put off this conversation for another time. Forever, really.</p><p>"Really? <em>I'm </em>the one being weird?" Renjun's tone is snarky, flipping entirely to Donghyuck's surprise.</p><p>Donghyuck feels like he’s wrong-footed, but has no idea where he’s missed the step just now. Has no idea why Renjun is suddenly annoyed with him, why it looks like this frustration has been building for a while now, when Donghyuck hasn’t said anything he knows is the level <em>that </em>bad to warrant that tone.</p><p>He’s upset because he feels wrong-footed with Renjun a lot lately. He has no one to blame but himself though — he's obviously managed to just screw up another one of his friendships because Renjun's figured it out, and now things are different between them.</p><p>"<em>You're </em>the one that's been ignoring us," Renjun continues, but his tone is softer now, losing that sharp edge. "We know you're busy, of course we understand that, but you've never brushed us aside like you have been."</p><p>Isn't that better, Donghyuck thinks manically, shouldn't Renjun <em>prefer </em>that? Shouldn't he have realised that Donghyuck's just trying to give them space, to try and hint he doesn't want his heart broken?</p><p>Of <em>course </em>Donghyuck is going to try and avoid that. Shouldn't he understand?</p><p>He knows that Renjun won’t let him get away with hiding though. He never has.</p><p>Donghyuck's silent, unable to deny it. He always makes time for them no matter what, but lately he's been brushing aside any attempts to meet up, even any video calls to talk to each other. Conversations are short because Donghyuck shuts them down, trying to just protect his heart.</p><p>He thinks about turning around, walking back to his own dorm, and leaving Renjun with the confirmation of it. Sure, promotions will be awkward, but as long as Donghyuck avoids it then he'll get through it.</p><p>Renjun sighs. "Just come inside. Please."</p><p>Renjun sounds soft, pleading, and it's what gets Donghyuck to take a step forward.</p><p>He's going to get his heart broken no matter what, he reasons. It almost is anyway, so may as well get it over with now. May as well be on this unsuspecting day, on the brink of their comeback.</p><p>Maybe that's better. Maybe they'll all be able to push aside their feelings and focus on work. Donghyuck will be busy with 127 anyway, about to start promoting Kick It, with Punch to follow in two months.</p><p>They'll be forced to be professional about everything. Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin — well, they'll just have to deal with the fact they've broken Donghyuck's heart, and they'll have to simply accept it. Maybe this will work out better for Donghyuck in the end.</p><p>He doubts it, but whatever. He's inside the building now, so he has to commit to this.</p><p>"Jisung said he won't be back for a bit, I think Chenle was waiting around in the building so they could hang out together," Renjun explains as they head to the dorm. Renjun presses in the passcode, opening up the dorm.</p><p>Donghyuck's not surprised to hear the sounds of others in the dorm. He suspected Jeno and Jaemin would be here, part of whatever's in store for Donghyuck now.</p><p>Great. All three at once. He finds his fists clenched as he bends down to slip off his shoes, and forces himself to breathe and relax the tension settled there.</p><p>He knew this was coming.</p><p>His heart will break, and he'll probably cry about it for a while, and everything will suck for an indefinite amount of time. Promotions will be awkward and terrible and painful, but he'll get through them like he always does.</p><p>At least Mark will probably hang out with him more. His hyungs will probably treat him, though they've already been spoiling him. He knows he scared Johnny a bit with how sick he was, and now he's about to start promotions that will last for three months between the units, so they're looking out for him.</p><p>Still, it'll suck that he won't have Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin to turn to. Maybe in a few months he'll be able to, or be able to hide it well enough, but he knows that it'll be too painful to try before then.</p><p>He mourns that his heart has ruined these things. That Donghyuck has overstepped their friendship, and now he’ll have to suffer the consequence of that.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin don't make an appearance, even though Donghyuck can clearly hear them in their rooms. Renjun doesn't call them out either, just sits down on the couch and fiddles with the remote.</p><p>"Have you been watching anything lately?" Renjun asks, a very clear attempt at trying to make things as normal as possible between them.</p><p>Donghyuck can play along at least. Try and hold onto their normalcy while it's possible, before he needs to properly pick up the pieces of his heart.</p><p>"Itaewon Class, though it's about to end. Not sure what I'll pick up after that," Donghyuck replies, cautiously taking a seat at the other end of the couch. He grabs a cushion from the couch and holds it to his chest, bringing his knees up as well to try and curl up into the couch.</p><p>"Jaemin's watching that." Renjun's tone is very carefully casual, like they both don't know that Donghyuck knows this. Like Donghyuck hasn’t managed to side-step any invitation to watch it together. "He really likes it."</p><p>"Yeah," Donghyuck answers, throat dry and refusing to say what's on the tip of his tongue. That of <em>course </em>Jaemin likes it — Donghyuck knew he would, because he’s a sucker for a good storyline with the bonus of a good romance.</p><p>Renjun glances at his phone when it pings with a notification, then stands up and heads to the door to get the delivery. He takes the plastic bags of food, setting them out on the table.</p><p>"Jeno-yah! Nana! Food!" He calls out, and Donghyuck hides the flinch by curling closer into the pillow. It's like watching a countdown towards his own destruction, seconds ticking by, and Donghyuck is so, so nervous.</p><p>Honestly, he's <em>terrified.</em></p><p>Jeno and Jaemin walk out of their rooms rather quickly, heading straight to the food. They don't even notice Donghyuck, who still hasn't gotten up to get his own helping. He knows he's expected to take some, but his stomach is twisting so badly that food is the last thing he wants right now.</p><p>Renjun's looking at Donghyuck, trying to coax him up. Jeno follows his eyesight, and his eyes widen when he sees Donghyuck sitting on the couch.</p><p>Jeno pauses, which is enough for Jaemin to notice as well. The three of them are staring at him, and Donghyuck's fingers dig in tighter to the pillow.</p><p>A month since he's seen them. It's clear they know all too well Donghyuck was purposely avoiding them, because Jeno and Jaemin look very surprised that Donghyuck's now just in their dorm with them.</p><p>Renjun breaks the moment. "Donghyuck-ah, come get some food."</p><p>It's less of an offer and more of a command, but still Donghyuck hesitates. Jeno clears his throat, trying to break the tense atmosphere that Donghyuck's starting to worsen by not moving.</p><p>Jeno starts to focus on filling up his bowl again with food, but Donghyuck notices he's still glancing over at Donghyuck like he's not sure he's real.</p><p>Jaemin snaps back to it as well. "Right, you better! You've been sick, so you need to eat well and make sure you're healthy."</p><p>Donghyuck still doesn't make a move, so Jeno speaks up. "Please, before Jaemin decides to start being cute. I might lose my appetite if he does."</p><p>Jaemin's lips purse out, ready to actually start, so Donghyuck places the pillow down and heads over. It doesn't escape his notice that Renjun's ordered his favourite, and that the other three have barely touched it.</p><p>Neither does Donghyuck. He's still standing by the fact he'd rather not ruin his favourite meal with the taint of rejection, so he goes for a small bowl of kimchi fried rice, ignoring that this memory will taint any of the dishes here anyway. Maybe he'll be able to eat them again in a few months without thinking about this moment. Hopefully.</p><p>Doubtfully.</p><p>Renjun frowns at him, not missing that Donghyuck's not going for his favourite. He doesn't say anything though, thankfully. Jeno and Jaemin sit down at the table, and Donghyuck follows. Jeno and Jaemin sit beside each other, and Donghyuck is forced to sit opposite one of them. He chooses Jeno, because Jeno doesn't hold his stares as much.</p><p>Renjun packs up Donghyuck's favourite, as well as the other foods, storing it in the fridge. "There's leftovers if anyone wants more," Renjun is <em>very </em>direct about that statement, but Donghyuck just shovels some food into his mouth so he doesn't have to reply.</p><p>It tastes dry and terrible in his mouth — not because it's bad, rather just that he feels so nauseous and stressed from the situation, but he forces himself to swallow it down. It certainly doesn't please his stomach, and he pushes his food around his bowl to try and hide that he isn't eating it.</p><p>He's hoping Renjun will sit at the head of the table next to Jaemin, but unfortunately he goes straight for the seat at the other end of the table, sitting between Jeno and Donghyuck. Jeno asks them how their recordings went, and Donghyuck gestures for Renjun to take the lead to answer.</p><p>Renjun definitely gives him a look for it, but Donghyuck just shoves some more food into his mouth. He regrets it the second he does it, but he can't really take it back now.</p><p>Jeno and Renjun try and keep up the conversation, though they're definitely struggling. Donghyuck's presence is definitely the cause of it, but he's not bothered to apologise or try and fix it.</p><p>Renjun wanted him here. Renjun is the one that wants to do this now, so Donghyuck is not inclined to help him out here. He's just trying to focus on barring his heart, trying to wrap it up before it splinters apart.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't finish his meal, but the other three do. A lack of conversation helps them get through it faster unfortunately, and they clear up their plates. None of them reach for Donghyuck's because it's far from finished, but he gets up himself to cover it and put it in the fridge. There's enough there that Jisung will enjoy later at least.</p><p>He lingers at the fridge, closing it and standing there. There's no meal now to distract them from the topic, there's nothing Donghyuck can use to save himself.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," Renjun finally says, sighing. "We should talk."</p><p>"Renjun—" Jeno starts uncertainly, and Donghyuck looks back to see Jeno shaking his head, trying to placate Renjun.</p><p>It's something they're clearly still tense about. Something Jeno still isn't in agreement with, something he'll fight for.</p><p>Donghyuck should take his side.</p><p>But he hates the fact that they're fighting <em>because </em>of him. They're all stubborn, and the fight will only escalate between them.</p><p>So he nods, and says: "We should."</p><p>Even Renjun's surprised to hear it.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn't want to sit back down at the table, but Jaemin reaches out for him. Donghyuck doesn't take his hand, but still sits back down at his seat on the table. "Let's talk, then. Let's get it over with."</p><p>His tone has gone hard, trying to act indifferent. It's a defence mechanism, and he knows they're well aware of that.</p><p>But the three of them hesitate now. It's clear Jeno and Jaemin are definitely not prepared for this — and even though he instigated it, even Renjun seems at loss for words now that they've gotten this far.</p><p>"Donghyuck..." Jeno starts, which is surprising to Donghyuck.</p><p>Maybe this makes sense. Jeno's too kind for his own good. He'll take the brunt of this for them all, probably in an attempt to direct Donghyuck's anger towards himself.</p><p>"That night... When we went out drinking. I didn't remember this until recently, but you told me some things."</p><p>Well, that confirms it. Donghyuck's going to get his heart broken today.</p><p>It's been breaking for a while now anyway, knowing this was coming. It's just so much harder than Donghyuck expected, holding his breath, fingers digging into his thighs. Trying to ground himself, because he will not let them feel guilty for making him so upset.</p><p>It's not their fault Donghyuck's in love with them, after all.</p><p>Donghyuck remains silent, so Jeno continues. "You told me that you didn't love Mark anymore. That you didn't have any soulmarks at all."</p><p>Donghyuck looks away, staring at the wall. He doesn't need to see Jeno's pity, knowing it's a lie.</p><p>"Is it true?" Jaemin asks quietly. It's not accusatory. It's just... Sad, maybe.</p><p>Donghyuck lets out a heavy breath. "Does it matter?"</p><p>"We don't want to overstep, but we wouldn't be asking if it didn't," Renjun replies. Donghyuck closes his eyes for a moment, gathering himself, before he looks towards Renjun. Renjun's face isn't carefully blank like he expected it to be, but is instead earnest<em>.</em></p><p>Donghyuck's not sure what to make of it, but he can barely spare a coherent thought with the mix of emotions inside of him anyway.</p><p>Donghyuck remains silent again, unwilling to answer. He doesn't want to lie, doesn't think he can, but he finds that he <em>can't </em>admit this. Even if they already know, Donghyuck doesn't want to admit it, doesn't want to admit that they entirely, completely, own his heart.</p><p>That they'll be the ones to ruin it.</p><p>Jeno picks up the conversation again. Donghyuck looks away once more.</p><p>"You know that Jaemin and I are together. We've had each other's soulmarks for longer. But... we don't..." He trails off, stumbling over his words. It's clear this is something he's struggling to say, and Donghyuck bites at his bottom lip anxiously.</p><p>He's still waiting for the blow of rejection. It's just getting hard to see when it's coming.</p><p>"We don't just share each other's soulmarks," Jaemin picks up for him. Donghyuck glances back over, seeing that their hands are joined on top of the table. "We don't just have the one soulmark."</p><p>Jeno nods. "Right. Right... We... Well, we've talked about this with Renjun. We have his, too."</p><p>Donghyuck was right then. He glances over to Renjun, who's got a faint burning red across his ears and cheeks. Still, he speaks up even though he seems embarrassed. "I'm... Kind of with them."</p><p>"He refuses to label it right now," Jaemin says with exasperation, though he sounds all too fond anyway.</p><p>Donghyuck's still reeling. Are they admitting they're together now? Just so they can say <em>we're really sorry, but there just isn't room for you with us. We just can't see you with us. We're enough as it is.</em></p><p>Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun — all three of them together, and Donghyuck's destined to be left out. To be too much, too much to love back.</p><p>Maybe Mark was really onto something, back then. Though he'd kill Donghyuck for agreeing with it.</p><p>He's in his head, thinking back to his memories, and he misses something being said.</p><p>His ears are ringing, he realises. Shock has overtaken him, a whirlwind inside of him that won't quieten down. Blanking out so he doesn't need to hear the words he fears come out of their mouths.</p><p>"That's why we're asking," Renjun is saying when he can hear properly again. His palms are sweating, heart racing, ears still faintly ringing.</p><p>"What?" He asks softly, throat becoming drier with the words. He's looking at Renjun, he registers, but he's not really seeing him.</p><p>"Do you have any soulmarks?" Renjun is firm and strong with his question, though he sounds carefully gentle about it, his words suddenly breaking through that ringing in his ears.</p><p>Donghyuck opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He swallows heavily, feeling his breathing pick up as he starts to panic with the direct question. He needs to admit it, they deserve to know, don't they?</p><p>"Or... Or not even soulmarks, but... even if you just think you <em>might </em>like—" Jaemin's saying, but Donghyuck barely hears it.</p><p>"I... I'm so sorry," Donghyuck manages to say, voice croaky and thick, a tell-tale sign he's going to cry. He swallows it down, squeezing his eyes shut to stop his eyes watering. God, he's cried so much lately.</p><p>"Why're you sorry, Donghyuck-ah?" Jeno quietly asks. He's let go of Jaemin's hand, now reaching out for Donghyuck, but Donghyuck feels so overwhelmed suddenly. This is — this is too much for him right now, and he scrapes the chair back.</p><p>He doesn't stand up like he's meant to. His legs feel too weak to hold him anyway. Instead he bows his head, trying to convey how apologetic he is for putting them all in this position.</p><p>He's so, so scared of losing them. All he can think about is that night with Mark, how Donghyuck ruined things between them — even though they're okay now, Donghyuck <em>hates </em>that he might just have ruined it once again.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I thought it would work this time. I thought you wouldn't find out, and I never meant to ruin anything, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please just... don't hate me. I'll deal with this, I promise. I'll fix it." The words spill out from his lips, desperate pleas he's been holding in for so long now. His fears rising up, threatening to burst out of his chest.</p><p>There's a stunned silence around him, but Donghyuck doesn't notice it. His hands ball in his lap, clenched tightly as his chest heaves. He's not crying, not yet, but his voice is so close to breaking and his eyes are watering again, and he can't lose them, he can't—</p><p>"Why... why would we ever hate you, Donghyuckie?" Jaemin asks, so, so concerned, and this is where Donghyuck can't stop the sob that rises up from his chest.</p><p>Of course they won't. He knows this. They're too good — this was meant to just be an easy let-down, after all. A gentle rejection because Donghyuck's been ignoring them for this exact reason.</p><p>Would it hurt worse, he wonders? <em>Could </em>it? If they let him down harshly, if they hurt him with words and cruel heartbreak?</p><p>He doesn't know. He's had both now, and they're both so painful.</p><p>Donghyuck finally looks up, meeting their very concerned and worried gazes. His breath is shuddering, but he supposes it's now or never. May as well lay it out, his heart bare for them.</p><p>"Because I've been hiding your stars for two years now. Because I've gone and ruined things again with my closest friends. Because I can't help but fall in love with people that can't love me back," Donghyuck lists out, then drops his head again in shame. His heart aches so badly, his chest burning with pain — the one now to put that love aloud, and then announce that he knows it's ruined before they can destroy it.</p><p>"Donghyuck..." Jaemin's voice trails off, and Donghyuck can hear how it's laced with shock. He curls into himself as much as he can, trying to hide. He'll get up and leave soon, when his legs start working properly.</p><p>His eyes are squeezed shut, biting down on his lip. He hears chairs scrape back — two? Three? He's not sure, but he doesn't look to check. He can hear someone walking around the table, and he braces himself.</p><p>There's hands placed onto his leg, balancing themselves as they crouch down. The contact <em>burns, </em>running hot and making his chest tingle, making everything feel like he’s alight —</p><p>But it doesn't hurt, he registers in the back of his mind.</p><p>Someone crouches on his other side, touching him, and still it does not hurt.</p><p>There's a hand in his hair, stroking it back. Donghyuck still does not look.</p><p>"Haechannie. Haechan," Jeno's voice coaxes, his own voice dangerously wavering. "Donghyuck-ah."</p><p>Donghyuck shakes his head. A set of hands move from his leg, instead grabbing Donghyuck's hands and prying his clenched fists open, fingers interlacing. Donghyuck's breath catches, heart almost stopping, so confused by what's happening.</p><p>Someone's hand comes up to cup his jaw, thumb brushing at his cheek. It's wet, Donghyuck realises, and he grimaces. So much for holding it in.</p><p>"Donghyuckie. Open your eyes for us," Renjun's voice <em>is </em>wavering. It's what gets Donghyuck to steel himself, to slowly open up his eyes to see those around him.</p><p>Renjun is crouched before him, hand on his cheek. Jeno's on his other side, holding his hands, while Jaemin's standing beside him with a hand still in his hair.</p><p>"You're so <em>stupid </em>sometimes, Lee Donghyuck." Renjun's eyes are watering too, and though the words should remind Donghyuck he's screwed everything up, his tone doesn't match that. It's light, teasing, a wavering smile at the corner of his lips.</p><p>"I think we all are," Jaemin mumbles from above him, and Renjun shoots him a half-hearted glare before looking back at Donghyuck.</p><p>Donghyuck feels like his world has tilted. He doesn't know which way is up anymore. He's lost and confused and doesn't really know what's going on right now.</p><p>"Two years? You've had our soulmarks for two years?" Jeno asks, voice full of wonder. Donghyuck looks over to him, sees that wonder reflected in his expression.</p><p>Donghyuck can't speak right now, so he just faintly nods. No use denying it now.</p><p>Jeno's hands squeeze his own, and a long sigh escapes him. Donghyuck watches his expressions change so quickly, watches him finally settle on relief.</p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>There's hope sparking in his chest. The burning of his marks isn't painful, it doesn't hurt — it's warm. All encompassing, cradling him with care.</p><p>"Well, good news," Jaemin says from above him. Donghyuck looks up to see Jaemin's wide smile, beaming at him. "Your worry about not mutually falling in love is quite wrong."</p><p>Jaemin says the word 'wrong' in English, which means Donghyuck's brain stutters over it for a moment. Trying to properly fit it in, to understand exactly what Jaemin means.</p><p>Renjun huffs. "What he meant to say is that he doesn't just have Jeno and mine's soulmarks. Same for Jeno, and I don't just have Jeno and Jaemin's. It means we have yours, too."</p><p>Donghyuck must not have heard right. He's somehow gotten what Renjun is saying wrong, because Renjun just implied that all three of them have Donghyuck's soulmark, which isn't <em>possible. </em>It means they love Donghyuck too.</p><p>"What," Donghyuck somehow manages to say, though he barely realises he's even spoken.</p><p>"We love you too, that's what he means. Or, like, whatever you want soulmarks to imply. Because it could totally just mean liking each other and wanting to date, and <em>then </em>we can say love later, because I get that it's rather fast. Or not date, if that's what you want, because that's also—"</p><p>"Jeno-yah," Jaemin's laughing softly, cutting him off. "You're rambling a bit there. I think Donghyuck is a little overwhelmed."</p><p>"A little?" Donghyuck chokes out, shaking his head. He can't believe what he's hearing still.</p><p>Jaemin's fingers stroke through his hair again. Renjun drops his hand, back to holding onto Donghyuck's leg to balance. Distantly, Donghyuck thinks their knees must be hurting, and they should relocate to somewhere easier. Donghyuck also doesn't think he can move.</p><p>"Should we give you some time to think about it? You can take however long you need," Renjun offers, squeezing his thigh.</p><p>"Let's make it clear though, because it seems like things haven't been lately." Jeno moves to stand up, but keeps hold of Donghyuck's hands.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah, the three of us like you. We have your soulmark on our chests, just as you have ours. However, that can mean whatever you want it to mean — we're okay with anything you are. We can figure things out together, if you want."</p><p>Donghyuck hears the words, but he's still stunned to hear them so directly.</p><p>He was braced to have his heart broken. To have them reject him, and to suffer the pain it brought upon him.</p><p>But now they're <em>confessing, </em>saying they like Donghyuck just as he likes them. That the ball is in his court now for what that can mean for all of them.</p><p>It sounds like it could mean <em>dating. </em>All three of them. At once.</p><p>Together.</p><p>Donghyuck's heart is a mess.</p><p>"I... I might need some time to think," Donghyuck admits, voice small. It still doesn't feel real, and he doesn't quite know how to think right now. His brain isn't letting him even <em>think </em>about accepting, about saying he'd like to figure things out, that he would love to date them.</p><p>To be their boyfriend. To have them as <em>his.</em></p><p>"Of course," Jaemin says softly, but he isn't able to mask the slight upset in his tone.</p><p>Renjun squeezes his thigh again, then stands up as well. Their hands slowly fall away from Donghyuck, giving him some space.</p><p>The warmth in his chest leaves, and he misses it achingly.</p><p>"Do you want to head back to your dorm?" Renjun asks, and Donghyuck can hear now that it's clearly not what he wants Donghyuck to do.</p><p>But Donghyuck's world is upside down, and he doesn't know <em>what </em>he wants, so he just nods with the offer. He doesn't know how to say aloud that he wants to stay here, to sort out the mess in his head and heart and see what it leaves him with.</p><p>Jeno offers out a hand to help him up, and Donghyuck takes it. He's barely in control of his body, walking to the door before he knows it. Bending down to put his shoes on some kind of autopilot, and turning to see the three that have followed him.</p><p>"Keep in contact, okay? Even if it's not about—" Jeno gestures loosely to the three of them. "And I know we'll see each other for recordings but..."</p><p>Donghyuck nods stiffly, knowing what Jeno means as he trails off.</p><p>"And when you've thought about it, promise you'll talk to us about it?" Renjun adds on. Donghyuck can see how nervous he is, fingers anxiously tapping at his sides.</p><p>Donghyuck nods again, and Renjun looks like he wants to press but decides to hold back.</p><p>Jaemin's hands are fluttering around, looking like he wants to touch Donghyuck but stopping himself. Instead, his fingers settle with clinging onto Renjun's arm.</p><p>He definitely looks the most relaxed out of them all, apparently just happy Donghyuck likes them and being satisfied with that for now.</p><p>The thought of it is surreal. Donghyuck can’t believe it — that Jaemin’s happy with the prospect of Donghyuck liking him. That they <em>all </em>are.</p><p>"Make sure you eat back at the dorm," Jaemin insists, looking back at the fridge for a moment, the warning clear that it wasn’t unnoticed that he didn’t eat.</p><p>Donghyuck really can't say anything, so he nods once more.</p><p>This is the edge of something, Donghyuck thinks. It's a familiar thought.</p><p>He's been here before.</p><p>He’s fallen from a height lower than this before, and he hasn't recovered from the pain it left him with.</p><p>Donghyuck turns around, opens the door, and steps out into the hallway. The door locks behind him.</p><p>The edge is no longer before him. He takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling, and feels like he's not even connected to reality.</p><p>Not even human.</p><p>It takes a few more breaths before he can lower his gaze, looking out at the hallway stretched out before him. Where he'll walk down to head back to his dorm, where he'll think about this conversation over and over again, wondering if it's real.</p><p>Wondering what he should <em>do.</em></p><p>He starts to take steps, walking away from Dream's dorm. Away from Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin. Giving himself some space.</p><p>His chest feels cold. Empty.</p><p>He thinks about the conversation, but then his thoughts drift. Reflecting back to all the times he felt like something was going on with Renjun. The strange behaviour and — flirting, he realises. Renjun was proving a point, it’s just that Donghyuck missed it.</p><p>Thinks back to Jeno and Jaemin's conversation in the bathroom. How he misjudged the entire situation.</p><p>All of their interactions the past few days. Months. <em>Years.</em></p><p>Donghyuck's at the end of the hallway, about to call the elevator.</p><p>All that time.</p><p>Two years for Donghyuck.</p><p>How long has he hoped for this?</p><p>How long ago did he give up?</p><p>He gave up from the start without ever trying. He never hoped, because he didn’t think it could ever happen.</p><p>His fists clench. His heart is pounding again, chest starting to warm once more — reminding him about the stars that sit on his chest.</p><p>Reminding him that <em>his </em>star sits on their chests too.</p><p>How long have they waited?</p><p>Donghyuck turns back around.</p><p>His movements feel janky, awkward, like he's forgotten how to walk. It doesn't matter. He doesn't know what he's doing, but this feels right. Walking back towards the edge seems like the right direction this time.</p><p>He enters the passcode for the dorm, the keypad quietly unlocking, and he opens the door.</p><p>Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun are back at the table where they were eating. They're already halfway up from hearing the keypad.</p><p>Donghyuck shuts the door behind him. Takes a deep breath before he turns back around to face them. They're still frozen, waiting in that awkward position of getting up but hesitating, waiting for Donghyuck to make the first move.</p><p>"No more time," Donghyuck tells them. His fingers come up to rake back through his hair nervously, and then lets his hand settle on his head. "I don't need to think about it. I never did. I just... Didn't think this would be possible."</p><p>Jaemin breaks into a smile, properly standing up. Jeno suddenly scrambles towards him, and before Donghyuck can even blink, he's being wrapped in a tight hug. Jeno lifts him off the ground for a moment, and Donghyuck flails with surprise.</p><p>Renjun and Jaemin swamp them both the second Donghyuck's back on the ground, and Donghyuck is surrounded by their warmth and comfort. His chest feels the same, the soulmarks reminding him of just how much he loves them.</p><p>Renjun gestures them to the couch to talk more comfortably, and Donghyuck slips off his shoes once more. Jaemin stays attached to his back the whole time, pressing against him and then walking with him over to the couch.</p><p>It still feels unreal, overwhelming as he's got all their attention on him. He sits on the couch, Renjun and Jaemin either side of him while Jeno sits on the floor, resting his weight on his hands behind him.</p><p>Donghyuck knows that this time he's expected to start the conversation, but his words are failing him.</p><p>Jeno, thankfully, decides to prompt him. "Okay. So, let's talk about... What we are, I guess?"</p><p>"Boyfriends," Renjun says confidently, and he sees Jeno's jaw drop. Jaemin's in a similar state of shock when looks over to him.</p><p>Renjun shrugs. "I didn't want to make it official until Donghyuck was part of it somehow.” He then looks to Donghyuck, serious. “However you want to be, of course. No pressure, honestly."</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are still reeling, so Donghyuck takes time to think in the silence.</p><p>"I... I don't know yet, I guess? I've wanted it so long, but now I don't know what <em>it </em>is," Donghyuck admits, settling back into the couch. Boyfriends <em>does </em>sound nice though, even though it’s a word he never thought he’d be able to consider. "I know I like all of you.”</p><p>“That’s a good start. We can work it out,” Jeno promises.</p><p>“I <em>really </em>would like to date you, I think," Donghyuck blurts out. He didn’t mean to really say it, but for the first time ever he’s allowing himself to think of the possibility of it, so in his excitement it just slips out.</p><p>“And that’s an even better start,” Renjun adds, grinning.</p><p>"Would you like to kiss us, too?" Jaemin is mostly teasing, but Donghyuck's cheeks still turn bright red and he's unable to hide it. Jaemin laughs, confirming he's teasing, pinching Donghyuck's cheeks.</p><p>“Nana,” Jeno sighs, but the warning is a weak one. They all know Jaemin won’t heed it, and Donghyuck doesn’t need it. “We’re going slow here. To try and work things out.”</p><p>Donghyuck couldn’t imagine having them, but now he does — and he doesn’t want to wait any longer.</p><p>Jaemin knows him too well, because he’s still grinning knowingly at Donghyuck.</p><p>Jaemin leans in, whispering. "It's okay. We really want to kiss you too."</p><p>"Nana, you're going to kill him," now it’s Renjun that sighs, but a glance over to him shows that he looks amused.</p><p>No, not amused. <em>Interested.</em></p><p>Donghyuck covers his face with his hands, groaning as his cheeks flush. When he does slowly start to lower them, Jaemin leans in to kiss his cheeks, which has Donghyuck floundering around. He covers his face again, yelling into his palms.</p><p>Renjun's laughing at his side, but still defends him from Jaemin's attacks. "We only just started talking about what we are and figuring it all out, let's not have him die of a heart attack or something."</p><p>Honestly, it’s becoming a viable concern. Donghyuck’s stupid heart has certainly been tossed into a blender today, and he’s not sure it’ll ever recover. Donghyuck definitely didn't expect today to happen, not like this.</p><p>He definitely didn't expect his three soulmarks to confess back to him. To maybe, possibly, kind of end up with three boyfriends.</p><p><em>Definitely </em>didn't think about getting kissed by them.</p><p>But now it's been offered, and Donghyuck... Donghyuck <em>wants, </em>with a feverish type of desire<em>.</em></p><p><em>"</em>Well, like I said," he says, drawing his hands away from his face. He pauses for the dramatic effect, feeling their gazes settle on him. They’re cautious, not wanting to push beyond what Donghyuck’s ready for. But they’re hopeful, too. "I don't want to take any more time."</p><p>"Donghyuck..." Jaemin softly says, now uncertain. "It's okay, really. We don't have to."</p><p>"Na Jaemin, if I do <em>not </em>get kissed within the next second, I will-"</p><p>Jeno's taken his chance, surging up from the floor and cupping Donghyuck's jaw, pressing him back into the couch as he kisses him.</p><p>It's a short kiss. It's also Donghyuck's first, he realises faintly.</p><p>His first kiss. With his soulmark. With <em>Jeno.</em></p><p>"Oh," Donghyuck says softly, fingers coming up to press at his lips once Jeno leans back a little, giving him some space to breathe. His lips are tingling slightly, and he presses them together for a second as his mind reels.</p><p>Jeno kissed him. <em>He kissed Jeno.</em></p><p>Renjun's hand comes up to cup at his jaw now, turning Donghyuck’s head to look at him. He takes a second to look over Donghyuck, to admire the blush on his cheeks. He’s also searching Donghyuck’s gaze, making sure it’s okay, and Donghyuck is desperately trying to convey <em>yes absolutely god please kiss me. </em>Finally, Renjun leans in and presses a kiss to his lips.</p><p>Renjun's a little more firmer, a little bit more demanding, but Donghyuck likes it. One of his hands settle behind Renjun’s neck, and he amuses himself with the thought that it’s very similar to their Don’t Need Your Love interaction.</p><p>Similar, but they’ve certainly never kissed for it before.</p><p>Faintly, he hears Jaemin whining behind him. Complaining that he wanted to kiss Donghyuck, that he was the one that brought it up, so he should be the first to kiss him.</p><p>Renjun leans back, laughing at Jaemin’s complaints. Jaemin wastes absolutely no time, getting Donghyuck to turn so that they’re facing each other.</p><p>And when Jaemin does kiss him — well, he's no longer allowed to complain about waiting.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Donghyuck finally has some free time, once his three rounds of promotions are over.</p><p>He spends the first couple of days resting, because his body has many, many days of sleep to catch up on at this rate. But then he starts to get restless, not used to having so much time to just relax.</p><p>Johnny sighs from underneath him. "Need I remind you that you have not just <em>one, </em>but three boyfriends? Couldn't you be cuddling them?"</p><p>"Just because I have three boyfriends doesn't mean I don't want to cuddle you, hyung," Donghyuck gasps, offended. He knows Johnny appreciates the cuddles from time to time, but even he'll admit they've been a little excessive over the past couple days.</p><p>Johnny relents, giving up to Donghyuck just clinging to him on his bed. Finally though, Donghyuck speaks. "Well, they've been up to something. They won't tell me what. So now I'm ignoring them out of spite."</p><p>"You were literally just texting them," Johnny replies.</p><p>"Fine, I'm not going to them for cuddles out of spite."</p><p>Johnny laughs, and thankfully lets Donghyuck continue clinging to him over the course of the day. He does sleep in his own bed though, knowing he’d be pushing his luck otherwise.</p><p>The next morning, Donghyuck is awoken by Johnny. It’s certainly earlier than Donghyuck expected to be disturbed, and he groans, trying to hit Johnny with his pillow so he goes away.</p><p>"Hey, get up. There's very certain <em>someones </em>here to see you," Johnny tells him, and Donghyuck finally sits up groggily. He isn't expecting anyone, definitely made no plans for the day, and his brain isn't awake enough yet to figure it out.</p><p>Johnny looks over at the door, and Donghyuck follows his gaze to see Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun standing in the doorframe to his room. They grin at him, Jaemin running up to the bed and bouncing on top of him excitedly, surprisingly energetic considering the time.</p><p>"Wakey wakey! Get up, get <em>up</em>, come on," Jaemin's saying, and Donghyuck grunts at him.</p><p>"I literally can't when you're on me," he grumbles, but still manages to get out of bed. He's ushered to wash up by Jeno, who's suspiciously blocking his view of the room once he’s in the bathroom.</p><p>When he finally lets Donghyuck out, he sees a packed duffle bag on his bed.</p><p>"Uh?" He asks, now very, very confused. "Am I being kidnapped? Is this what's happening?"</p><p>Jeno, who comes out of the bathroom with Donghyuck's toiletries, answers. "Yep! Get changed, hurry up."</p><p>Donghyuck, who still isn't properly awake, stumbles around to find an outfit. He has no idea what he's changing for, but no one complains when he just throws on a loose shirt and pants.</p><p>Jeno slings the duffel bag around his shoulder. Renjun passes him a travel mug full of coffee, which Donghyuck is so, so grateful for.</p><p>Donghyuck is pushed out the room by Renjun, with Jeno and Jaemin leading the way. Johnny gives him a cheeky smile and a wave as Donghyuck looks back into their room, completely bewildered.</p><p>Taeyong, in the kitchen, is watching them. He laughs at Donghyuck's dishevelled state, but doesn't seem surprised, so Donghyuck figures everyone knows what's going on except him.</p><p>"Have fun! Make sure to be safe," Taeyong says, and Donghyuck shoots him a helpless glance.</p><p>"I don't even know what to be safe <em>from," </em>he whines. Taeyong laughs again, shooing them out of the dorm.</p><p>It's a mystery, even as Donghyuck is guided into a car. Jeno slips into the driver's seat, and Donghyuck starts to have a sneaking suspicion.</p><p>Jaemin finally reveals it, when they're halfway there: a two-night getaway, with management approval, just for them. A surprise holiday, and celebration for all their promotions wrapping up.</p><p>A private holiday. Just the four of them — time they haven't gotten to themselves ever since they got together.</p><p>It's been a hectic three or so months. They haven't even had a proper <em>date </em>yet, even though as idols it'll be hard to have one anyway.</p><p>Still, this is better than anything Donghyuck could've hoped for.</p><p>Now that his questions of what’s happening has been satisfied, he turns to his next priority: food. Donghyuck manages to convince Jeno to pull over for a stop at a convenience store they pass.</p><p>"We're like... twenty minutes away," Jeno says, not convinced at first.</p><p>"Okay, but I was kidnapped before I could eat breakfast, and I might wither away before we get there," Donghyuck argues, and Jeno sighs at his dramatics.</p><p>Still, he pulls into the convenience store, so Donghyuck takes his win.</p><p>Mark texts him while he's in there picking out some food. Renjun's come with him, and they're both getting enough food for all of them to share.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>heard you got kidnapped haha. have a good time!</strong> </em>
</p><p>Renjun looks over to see him smiling at his phone, so he comes over to see what has Donghyuck distracted from buying food. Donghyuck shows him the screen, and Renjun laughs quietly as he reads the message.</p><p>"He helped us convince our managers for this. Turns out they listen to Mark when he goes on about team morality," Renjun reveals, leading the way up to the counter. "Or they got sick of listening to it, more like."</p><p>"Yeah, that's definitely more likely," Donghyuck replies, paying for all the items before Renjun can try and do it. Still, he's filled with gratitude that Mark backed them, that he helped them get this little holiday away.</p><p>Turns out Jeno isn't kidding when he says the place is only twenty minutes away. Donghyuck's still sipping his iced coffee when they pull up, and Jeno and Jaemin decided to wait to eat their fill at the place.</p><p>It's a rather secluded holiday house — there's others around them in sight, but it's spacious enough that no one will be disturbing each other.</p><p>The view looks serene and peaceful, and Donghyuck admires it before he takes a photo and sends one to Mark. He knows Jaemin brought his camera, so they'll have some nice shots of it as well.</p><p>It's exciting. Unbelievable, almost. That they're getting this time away together.</p><p>Donghyuck takes his bag out of the car, and reaches out to take Jaemin's hand as they walk towards the house. Jeno and Renjun are ahead of them, unlocking the front door.</p><p>Bursting from within with all the love he contains for them, he feels so incredibly happy. He swings Jaemin's hand with his own, and hurries to get inside.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>At some point the next day, Donghyuck's lying on the couch and about to go for a mid-afternoon nap.</p><p>Renjun and Jeno have gone out for a walk around. Donghyuck will take a walk tomorrow, or later today, but for now he's enjoying lying around. The sun is coming through the windows, keeping him warm and content, but shielded just enough that he'll be able to nap with it shining through.</p><p>Jaemin is somewhere in the house, fiddling with his camera. Donghyuck suspects he'll be asked to model at some point, but right now he's left to peacefully doze on the couch.</p><p>There's a point where he hears Jeno and Renjun return from their walk, entering the house with excited chatter. They quieten suddenly, probably seeing Donghyuck lying on the couch, and Donghyuck drifts back off.</p><p>There's other moments he can hear. Renjun and Jaemin quietly talking. The shower turning on. Someone in the kitchen, getting something to drink.</p><p>Then, Renjun going "Oh. <em>Hello."</em></p><p>Jaemin's snickering, which means something is <em>definitely </em>happening.</p><p>"Nana, which bag did you pack my shirts in?" Jeno asks, and that certainly gets Donghyuck's attention.</p><p>"Don't tell him. I like the sight of this," Renjun says to Jaemin. Donghyuck's clawing himself back to consciousness, blinking his eyes open to see Jeno standing in the doorframe. His hair is still damp, ruffled with the towel he's now got around his neck. He's got shorts on, but — yep, definitely missing a shirt.</p><p>He hasn't noticed that Donghyuck's awake yet, looking above him to keep his eyes on Renjun and Jaemin. The towel is draped over his chest, covering them, but Donghyuck realises Jeno's soulmarks are right there.</p><p>Donghyuck hasn't seen them. Any of theirs. They haven't seen his, either. There's just been no time for it, and they've been carefully covered during promotions, to the point where Donghyuck himself has hardly seen his own lately.</p><p>Jaemin tells Jeno which bag to find his shirts in, so Jeno goes to turn around, and Donghyuck groggily calls out after him. "Come back."</p><p>His words are hardly legible to his own ears, but it gets Jeno's attention. Jeno turns around, surprised to see that Donghyuck is awake.</p><p>Donghyuck moves his hands, reaching out to make grabby hands at Jeno. "Come here. I want to see."</p><p>Jeno glances up, back to Jaemin and Renjun for a moment, before he looks back to Donghyuck. Donghyuck pushes himself up to his elbow, then properly sits up once Jeno starts to walk towards him.</p><p>The towel is still resting around his neck, so Donghyuck grabs at it the second he's able to. He pulls it down, letting it drop into his own lap, following the movement for a moment before looking back up.</p><p>At Jeno's bare chest.</p><p>With three glowing soulmarks.</p><p>Donghyuck's mouth has gone dry. Jeno's running his hands through his hair, a giveaway that he's nervous.</p><p>There’s thin, glowing lines between the three stars, too. Signifying they’re a constellation, like Donghyuck’s own. His have gotten brighter, significantly so after properly getting together.</p><p>"Can I..." Donghyuck starts, and Jeno answers before he even finishes the sentence.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, of course."</p><p>Donghyuck's hands reach out, fingers brushing against the stars. Jeno shivers under the touch, arms suddenly covered with goosebumps. It's a feeling Donghyuck knows well — that concentrated warmth erupting from the marks, making everything else feel colder for a moment.</p><p>Jeno takes hold of his hand after a moment, guiding him to a particular star and letting Donghyuck's fingers gently press over it.</p><p>It's Donghyuck star. <em>His </em>soulmark.</p><p>Jaemin and Renjun move closer to them. Jaemin wraps himself around the back of Jeno, who leans into the warmth. Jaemin throws his arm around Jeno's shoulder, reaching down to interlace his fingers with Donghyuck, resting their connected hands on Jeno's chest.</p><p>Donghyuck looks to Renjun, who's moving to sit beside him.</p><p>The words come out before he can think about them properly. "Can I see yours too?" He looks to Jaemin as well, adding: "Both of yours?"</p><p>The implication of it then hits Donghyuck — he's asking them to take off their shirts. To expose their soulmarks to him. While Donghyuck's seen Jeno and Jaemin shirtless before, they have always had their marks covered.</p><p>Jaemin smiles easily at Donghyuck. He makes a joke to ease up the atmosphere. "I get it. You just want to see us shirtless, hm?"</p><p>Still, he pulls back from Donghyuck's grip, and steps back from Jeno so he can lift his shirt up. He reaches out for Donghyuck's hand again once he’s placed his shirt down, guiding it to his chest, resting it on top of Donghyuck's star.</p><p>Renjun's slipped off his own shirt while Donghyuck's busy tracing his fingers along Jaemin's chest, along the constellation. Donghyuck's staring at Jaemin's stars, but notices that both Jeno and Jaemin have suddenly gotten distracted.</p><p>Renjun's definitely more shy between them all, wringing the shirt between his hands nervously. He relaxes when he sees Donghyuck's expression though, smoothing the shirt out and letting it rest in his lap.</p><p>"Jeno's," he labels, pointing to a particular star on his own chest. He traces his finger along his own constellation lines as he points out each one. "Jaemin's. Yours."</p><p>Donghyuck's fingers reach out, stroking over the stars.</p><p>They told Donghyuck they had his star. Donghyuck knew they had it. But it's another to see it, another to feel its warmth beneath his touch.</p><p>He feels Renjun take a deep breath beneath his fingers, steeling himself to say something.</p><p>"Donghyuck-ah," he says softly, "Can we see yours too?"</p><p>Donghyuck wants them to.</p><p>But it's hard, he realises. He's had so many different emotions when it comes to the stars on his chest, and he's only once shown them to anyone purposefully. Has never shown them to the people they <em>belong </em>to.</p><p>He nods, but his fingers hesitate at the hem of his shirt.</p><p>He has no reason to worry. He <em>knows </em>that.</p><p>But Donghyuck's still nervous anyway.</p><p>Jaemin bends over, getting Donghyuck's attention by placing his hands on Donghyuck's cheeks, tilting his head up. He kisses Donghyuck, who easily melts into it.</p><p>His fingers drop from Donghyuck's cheeks, but he doesn't stop kissing Donghyuck. His fingers trace down Donghyuck's neck, his chest, then reach the bottom of his shirt.</p><p>Slowly, giving Donghyuck time to stop it, Jaemin lifts the shirt up. Donghyuck lets him, unhappily having to stop kissing Jaemin so the shirt can be pulled up over his head.</p><p>Jaemin gives him a quick peck on the lips again, putting the shirt beside Donghyuck, before he properly steps back. They're all staring at Donghyuck's chest, and Donghyuck focuses on making sure he doesn't wilt under their attention.</p><p>"Um," he says, then looks down at his own chest. His hand comes up, pointing to each one as he lists them. "Jeno. Jaemin. Renjun."</p><p>The last time he traced them like this had been with very different emotions. Before, he wasn’t even able to say their names <em>aloud, </em>scared and feeling so alone.</p><p>That fear of being a burden. The fear of losing his friends, of ruining things between all of them, had been consuming.</p><p>He doesn't look up at them, lost in his thoughts, and he's taken by surprise when Renjun suddenly surges forward and kisses him. His hand comes up to rest over Donghyuck's stars, and they come alight under his touch.</p><p>Donghyuck shudders. The warmth is intense under Renjun's touch — under Jeno's and Jaemin's when they reverently reach out too. It's like a small fire inside of him — but it's not burning, not painfully. It's just consuming, keeping him warm and comforted.</p><p>Jaemin suddenly gasps out, in the way he does when he’s excited about something, and Jeno pulls back in surprise from where he's been pressing kisses along Donghyuck's jaw.</p><p>"Donghyuck." Jaemin's tone is on that slight edge of pleading, slightly higher when he wants something. "Can I take photos of them? Please?"</p><p>Jeno laughs, sitting back properly. "He really likes taking photos of them."</p><p>Donghyuck's brain is a little muddled, full of cotton between getting kissed. With all the soulmark touching, he's barely even attached to his own body at this rate. He's able to nod though, still not entirely with it, but knowing he wants to make Jaemin happy.</p><p>Jaemin scrambles away immediately. Renjun pulls out his phone from his pocket, swiping through until he gets to something, and he shows Donghyuck.</p><p>"Go through them, there's some of the ones he's taken," Renjun explains, and Donghyuck takes the phone and starts to look at the photos.</p><p>He recognises Jeno's chest among the first lot of photos. Photos in the dark, under different lights, different rooms.</p><p>There's a couple in the sunshine too. Outside.</p><p>Donghyuck stares at them for a while. Jeno's looking at the screen too, then goes "Ah. We went back to Jaemin's parents house. Found a completely secluded outside area to safely take them."</p><p>Donghyuck goes through his memories. Jaemin last went back home fairly recently. Jeno and Jaemin, though, had said they were going together almost two years ago.</p><p>Two years.</p><p>There's three soulmarks on Jeno's chest. Three on Jaemin's, as taken by Jeno.</p><p>Donghyuck hasn't asked, and they haven't told, but Donghyuck just assumed that Jeno and Jaemin only had each other's soulmarks for a while. Possibly had Renjun's appear some time after that, and only very recently got Donghyuck's.</p><p>And Donghyuck had started to realise it today, when he saw the constellation lines connecting the stars — the sign that the three of them have loved Donghyuck for some time now. But now it’s clearly there, evidence of his star from all that time ago.</p><p>"They're really pretty photos," Donghyuck manages to say, scrolling through them. They truly are. Jaemin always manages to catch them at their best, and it's clear he's taken extra care with these photos. Editing them just enough that the glow is enhanced, but the photos themselves are gorgeous even without the editing.</p><p>There's photos of Jaemin's, too. Taken by either Renjun or Jeno or both. Renjun's chest and soulmarks come into the photos. Then there's photos with two of them, photos in the mirror where Jaemin's able to get all three of them — but Donghyuck gets to the end, and there's no photos of Renjun's outside.</p><p>Donghyuck passes the phone back, and finds his gaze caught on the view outside.</p><p>It's risky, because they never know who could be around. But it's a secluded area, and they can probably walk until they find a <em>really </em>deserted spot with no chance of being seen.</p><p>Donghyuck has a feeling he'll suggest the sunrise, later on. He'll hate getting up early, but it'll be worth it to see Jaemin's excitement. It'll be worth it to see the photos in the end. Of all of their soulmarks glowing golden in the sunlight.</p><p>Jaemin comes back in with his camera, scrolling through his settings. It's really quite the sight, Jaemin shirtless and completely enraptured in his camera. He passes through a strip of sunlight, and his chest glows golden for a moment.</p><p>Renjun pulls up his phone and takes a couple of photos of it while Jaemin's distracted. Jeno leans in, whispering "send those to us."</p><p>Jaemin's excited, pulling Donghyuck up from the couch and leading him over to the window, moving him around until Donghyuck's soulmarks catch the sunlight in the way he wants.</p><p>It's been a while since he's seen them glow like this, and even Donghyuck is looking at them. He feels exposed, the most vulnerable he's ever been, and he's nervous about it.</p><p>His nerves start to expand as he stands there. He takes a deep breath and looks up towards Jaemin, who's looking through the camera lens. Looks back at Renjun and Jeno, who are watching the scene with fond expressions they don't bother to conceal.</p><p>Love, too. They're looking at Jaemin and Donghyuck with so much love.</p><p>Donghyuck's not nervous anymore. He stands proudly, letting Jaemin capture this moment. Letting him capture the soulmarks forever within his camera.</p><p>There’s photos of this trip he’ll send to his parents. Photos his dad will save in that particular folder just for Jaemin’s photos, and he’ll take the chance to tell Donghyuck he should invite his boyfriends over for a good meal.</p><p>These photos, though, are just meant for the four of them.</p><p>He lets Jaemin take control for a while. Jaemin gets Jeno and Renjun in the shots together as well, and once he can tell Jaemin is satisfied with the amount, Donghyuck reaches out to take the camera from him.</p><p>Under Jaemin's directions, he brings up the camera, looking through the lens.</p><p>There, his soulmates stand. Their soulmarks glow golden in the sunlight, so bright and beautiful.</p><p>Nine stars before him. Three that are Donghyuck's.</p><p>"Galaxies," Donghyuck breathes out.</p><p>And takes the photo.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aaaa I truly can't believe it's done! I went on a writing spree for a couple weeks and ended up with this monster, and now I've got like... 3 other NCT fics happening, and have signed myself up for a few nct fic fests which I am very excited about !! but also like rip me</p><p>As mentioned, if anyone's interested in yelling with me abt these or anything, you're very welcome to over on my <a href="https://twitter.com/shiningstarhwa">twitter</a> </p><p>Thank you for reading this far !! As always bookmarks/kudos/comments are very appreciated &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
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